The untitled two go out to play…

Just another couple weeks in the life of the average University Graduate and her time with new and old friends… Continue reading

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The normal day of Valentines

Just another day in the life of the average University student… who’s thinking about more body mutilation… Continue reading

If you would be, oh so wonderful..!

So I’m doing a study for my Psychology course work and if you would be oh so wonderful and spare a moment to just fill out this questionnaire, it’s 3 questions long, so it take no time at all to fill out.

The whole thing is completely confidential, so need to worry about that.

And if you would be oh so lovely and ask others, I would love you forever! Because I need more guys to fill it out, as at the moment I don’t have enough.

So here’s the link: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/2P768YR

So pretty please help me out here!

Thank you lovely people.

So Valentines day is over for another year and I’m surprised by the lack of love in my house, I was expecting two of my house mates at least to spend the day with their significant other, but it would seem that only one of them did, although fortunately for me they didn’t spend it here. But I don’t think it would have been that romantic if they had, with the rest of us crashing in every now and then, to make food and what not in the kitchen.

I’ve been working out arrangements for next year and my new flat and everything seems to be going smoothly there – so yay for that!

Although I’m trying to find a way to persuade my father to come and pick me up for Easter, because I can’t really afford to take the train.

Quote/saying of the day: Doing nothing for others is the undoing of ourselves. – Horace Mann

Hunting till the first kill…

So today is Friday the 13th, hmm. I thought it would be a little different

Alright so today me and some friends,went to look at a flat. They both liked it, but I’m a little apprehensive, because it’s really quite squishy and dark in places, because of the lack of windows and the rooms where quite small, although not too much smaller than my room here. One room has an en-suit and is also probably the biggest room, so of course I want it, not because of the bathroom, but because of the space.

So any ways after the viewing and sighing of the forms, because even though I was a little apprehensive about the place, honestly there isn’t anything else this late, so that was probably the best we were going to get, I think I’ll see about a different place next year, but I’m sure I’ll just grow into the place and the location is great, in between the university and the town centre, although as my friend pointed out, it’ll take a bit to get to Aldi, but we can go after lectures and what not.

We went to get some food, because it was actually quite late and we were all a little hungry and since we were 2 minutes from Asda we went to McDonald’s – there’s a McDonald’s in the Asda here. After that one of my friends had to get to work – she’s started working in a care home, which I think is the kind of job I should get, or something like that, something that is slightly related to the field I want to work in. So me and my other friend stayed and hung out in McDonald’s for a bit, before deciding it would be fun to head down to beach and walk along the beach. So we had been walking along the beach for a little while and it had already been nearly dark when we had started out to the beach and it was quite dark. This group of guys walk past us and they start say or should I say shouting ‘huge boobs’. I’m just ignoring them really, I mean I just guess there messing around, but then my friend turns to me and says ‘I think their talking about you’ and I’m like oh really you think so, well thanks then, always nice to know people appreciate my wonderfulness, which then leads into a discussion about significant others and how our parents and in my case sibling would react to us bringing them home. I don’t really bring mine home, when I know the family is around, because the father and one of my brother’s blatantly told me that they were going to act all embarrassing and macho and all that jazz, just to annoy me and scare the person I brought home, although I’m not sure they would act that way if I brought a girl home, since they don’t know I’m bisexual, although one of my brother’s thinks I’m a lesbian I think, well he once told me he’d be alright with it if I was – nice to know.

As it turns out I might be celebrating my birthday – oh great – since my friend might not be going home for reading week, so she wants to celebrate, I’m sure if I told her “no” she wouldn’t make me or anything, just go about it until the day. So I told her yes now, to stop the constant talk about it. Looks like my birthday plans have been ruined slightly, since I said I’d go to see a film or something nothing big.

It seems that this week has been a big spender week, since I bought all my new textbooks for this semester, which took a big chunk out of my money for the next 3 weeks and then today I had to put down a £99 deposit on this flat and soon I’m going to have pay the rest of it which is £400, so I’ve asked the father if I can borrow the money from him and then pay him back over Easter, because I have the money, but not in an account that I can get to.

Alright so I’ve completely over looked the two things that people have been talking about most the past 2 days; Fifty shades and valentines day. So I do actual want to see the film, but I’m not going to go see it in the cinema, mainly because I don’t want to have to pay that much to go see it and also because I don’t want to sit in the cinema with the kind of people I image will be going to see it. It’s like going to see a children’s film, you have to go during the day on a school day, so you don’t have to deal with screaming children, which I never really was, because I wasn’t super interested in film when I was a child, so I hardly even went to see them in the cinema. I was more interested in exploring and stuff like that – I was a bit of tom-boy, you could say.

So now that’s out of the way…

So I’ve been a little obsessing over Stirling recently, although I must state that I do like some of her stuff more than the rest, I think she talented, so yeah.

Quote/saying of the day: That’s it, baby. If you’ve got it flaunt it – Mel Brooks (The Producers).

The entrance of February Fever… Stage right

Recently I realised that although I tend to make friends with the sort of misfits that have their own superior uniqueness on their way of living, I’ve never actually been friends with someone with the same sort of uniqueness as myself. Alright so here I’m just saying uniqueness in the place of craziness or something along those lines. Yeah I consider myself a little – or perhaps a lot – on the side of insane, although not the type of insane that will slit your throat while your sleeping – at least not at the moment.

I consider myself a time bomb sort of insane, you can’t tell all the time and perhaps not just by looking at me, although I do have a strange sense of humour, it’s really quite dark sometimes and a strange style. But I once I’ve been set off I’m just… an explosion of insanity.

Alright so when I came to university, I thought I was going to meet a lot of new people and I was hoping that I meet some people more on my side of the walk of life and yeah I’ve meet some awesome people, who have similar interesting as me and that has made me realise just how much of a geek I can be, but I like that about myself and what not. But it seems that I’m looking in the wrong places, because so far not so much luck. Don’t get me wrong I like the friends I’ve made and all that jazz.

Any ways, moving on. It’s February and you know what special day happens in February… Valentines days. Now I’m sure I probably posted last year about how people do Valentines day wrong now and all that jazz and I probably sounded a little bitter, but I’m not a v-day person, maybe it’s because I haven’t been in a relationship for v-day, because I purposefully break up with my significant other before the ‘big’ day or maybe it’s because I find celebrating certain events sad, due to the fact that my mother dead – such as Christmas or Halloween or Guy forks night. But whatever it is I have noticed one thing about the run up to v-day, coupling. Yes this magical days has a strange effect on people in my generation, I’m not quite sure if it happens to people outside of my generation or not, because I have yet to observe such behaviour in them. Any ways, February is the month of coupling, when people start frantically looking for a partner, because they ‘can’t be alone for Valentines day, because well that’s just so sad’, this means a lot of people getting together with people who they vaguely like – although not all couples will be like that, because some of them will actually like their other half and just be using the occasion of express those feelings, which is nice – and then breaking up with them again by March time, because actually they realised they don’t like them that much or they’ve found someone better.

Honestly I don’t get it myself, but whatever. I’m not saying that if someone asked me out that I would say no because it February or something like that, but I would secretly be hoping that it wasn’t just February fever and that their liking of me was more than skin deep, because as much as I believe in the people of the world lack of love for me – call it my highly developed defence mechanism – it would be nice for someone to like me for something more than my body. Although the last time that happened I pretty much smushed him into the dirt – like I said it’s my highly developed defence mechanism, I didn’t say it was a highly developed happiness mechanism.

Any ways jumping over the rest of February – fever – and into March, my birth month and my brother – yay for that, because at first everyone thinks I have a twin, unfortunately not, just a coincidence. I’ve already decided that this birthday isn’t going to be a good one. I’ve got reading week over the week that my birthday is on and so everyone from my course is going to going home – well most of them including all my friends from my course – so I’m probably not going to celebrate, but to be honest I haven’t had a good birthday celebration, with my friends since before high school probably, I mean I’ve celebrated with the family and that’s nice, although I little saddening, because it makes me think of my mother and how I wish she was there, but also nice. But moving on, I’ve decided to throw myself a bit of pity party and to make sure that it isn’t interrupted I have hide my birthday on facebook, I considered ‘closing’ my facebook for the month, but my friends meant to be coming down the weekend before my birthday and facebook is a free way of communicating, so I opted for the hide my birthday and hope that people are so busy with their lives, that if they do remember my birthday, they don’t get round to sending me a b-day message on facebook. And then I’m also going to bake myself cupcakes, I was going to try and bake myself a cake, but I realised they buying silicone cupcake cases, was cheaper than buying a cake tin and also because I don’t have any scales, I’m going to buy some of that cake mix stuff and icing or if that doesn’t work out, just buy myself cupcakes and slightly binge.

I would go home for the week, but I really can’t afford that and I’m going to try and convince the father to come pick me up for Easter break, so I don’t think he’ll be willing to come pick me up 2 weeks before that as well. I don’t know why they decided to give us reading week 2 weeks before Easter break, it seems a little weird timing to me, but it must make sense to them. And then apparently we only have a couple weeks after that until we go on study leave, which I’m intending to use wisely – meaning that when it comes around I will do next to nothing until 2-3 weeks before my first exam. Speaking of exams, I’m not too sure if we can leave once we’ve finished all our exams or if we’re meant to stay, I don’t see why we would have to, since we won’t be doing anything, no lecture, no seminars, no exams. Which means that potentially my summer vacation could start quite early, if I have my exams dates right – which is slightly unlikely, because I’m not so good with dates, or names, or timing, maybe I should try and work on that or something.

Is it weird that I don’t essentially like reading my once posts? I mean sometimes some of them alright, but all of them no way, maybe it’s because of the spelling and grammar mistakes that I didn’t bother to correct the first time around or maybe it’s because I have a new mind set and way at looking at the world.

On wards… I’m trying to write a entry to a writing competition and I want to make it about the coupling that happens in February, but right now it’s not going too well, it’s got to be around 1,000 words or so and so far all I’ve done is half introduce the main character, I’m really not sure at all where the story is going or anything, so I’m sort of flying blind here.

Quote/saying of the day: Lazy days for Lazy people – Unknown.

 

Torn to pieces and suffocated by secrets, I keep on walking…

Hooray for all the couples around the world! Because today is Valentines day and for all the people not in a relationship, it’s just another day.

For me though, just another wet and windy day, although I did get one, sort of, Valentine. I’m not sure if that would be right, because Valentines is for lover/couples, so I suppose it was just a gift on a day that just happened to the a romantic one. Any ways, I have a thing about Valentines day, because, well, people don’t do it ‘right’ any more, or rather how they used to. Although I have a feeling that the English never really did it right. As far as I can tell, with my generation – or at least at this age of my generation – Valentines day is a day for couples to be romantic – basically it’s a two way street. But the way I see Valentines day as being ‘right’ girls give guys chocolate to show their ‘affection’, so more or less a one way street. However I like the idea – how I know this isn’t English, but then I’m not completely English any ways so what the hell – that guys return the affection on ‘Whites day’, by giving the girl they like/love something white, anything white, it doesn’t matter. Although I’m sure there will be girls out there that would disagree and say that it should be something expensive, but with me, as long as I can see the thought and love behind the thing, then the price tag isn’t that big of a deal – for this holiday. I just like this so much better, but then it does rely on the girls to pluck up the courage to ‘confess’ first and I know that’s hard for some, although that isn’t just a female issue. I don’t know, maybe I’m just a little bit too much old fashioned about these sort of things, it’s not like I’m all that bothered about the way people do Valentines day now. It’s just a little thing I have about it, that’s all. Or maybe it has something to do with me always being alone on Valentines day, but that doesn’t really bother me too much, I mean I’m not one of those people that will get together with someone just for a holiday, because they don’t want to be alone, for that holiday. Yes quite a few people do do that, a lot. Valentines day, Christmas etc, all those potentially romantic holidays, they will find someone just for a week or 3 surrounding the holiday, then move on. They’ll even go out with people they don’t really like, in that way, all that much. I just think that’s a bit crazy and a tiny bit pathetic. I mean it’s not that bad being alone on days like this, most singles just treat it like another day in the pile of days that make a year.

God what is my life?

Any ways today, right… So it was kind of weird today, alright maybe weird isn’t the right word. But it seems that that misunderstanding that occurred has not been sorted out in my absence – I wasn’t around them for a while, so I was hoping when I saw them again it would all be over, no such luck.

I’m not really sure what to do right now though, so I’m a little ‘torn’ and then I’m just thinking ditch them all the recalibrate a little with someone else. But I’m waiting for some nicer weather, because I was to go outside and not have to worry about being rained on all day long and all that jazz. Although I have a feel they wouldn’t even notice all that much, it’s not like I’m this big, bright light and I would be leaving them in the dark if I wasn’t around – that was a weird metaphor I know. I just can’t wait till summer or at least the summer weather. Sunshine, I want some sunshine. Proper bright and warm sunshine, non of this half light stuff that we’ve been getting recently. I’m not in the mood for that. Not that the weather has ever adhered to my moods…

Maybe I’m just feeling a little off, because the thing that I was waiting to come in the mail still hasn’t. I know I should be patient, but well I’m not being patient… I’m just really nervous about it and I want to talk to someone about it, but I’m not sure who… I mean someone does know, but I can’t talk to him about it, he’d just freak again. I don’t think I can talk to my friends about it either, I’m just a little – well a lot – scared about how they will react. I mean they already see me as a slut, this on top of that, I’m not sure if I can take that right now. I sure they would supportive after they got their heads around the whole thing, but that not the point. I don’t think I could stand the time in between… Oh well guess I’m just going to have to try and hold out a bit longer- hopefully not too much longer.

Quote/Saying of the day: It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness – Leo Tolstoy.