Pick a card, throw some salt and cover up the other you is showing…

Just another day/week in the life of the average university student… who is a little kooky… Continue reading

Deciding whether to get burnt, while surviving the heat of the kitchen…

Just another day in the life of the average university student and her newness… Continue reading

What to do about this love crisis… Just jump

So I read this post today, called:

10 Reasons Why This Generation Is Losing The Ability To Be In Love

It seemed quite interesting and although quite a few of the comments at the bottom of it stated that most of the points could be seen thought out history, which I think says something about the human race and our seemingly lack of ability to really change for the better – or worse depending on your view of love. But any ways here’s the points:

1. We care more about instant gratification than we do anything else.

The most common trend amongst Generation-Yers is our need for instant gratification. We grew up and continue to thrive in a culture that allows us instant access to just about anything.

If we want food, we have it delivered with the click of a few buttons or we walk a block or two and grab dinner. If we are bored, we have endless distractions in the form of phone apps. If we need directions or a question answered, it only takes us a couple of seconds.

Such convenience is entirely a modern-day perk — previous generations never experienced anything even remotely close to it.

The problem is instant gratification is addicting and often becomes a habit, a habit that tends to seep into our love lives.

Love isn’t meant to be experienced in an instance, but in a lifetime.


2. We’ve built a culture driven by drugs and booze.

This goes hand in hand with our culture’s need for instant gratification. Drugs and booze are the most common form of self-medication.

When we feel sad or unhappy, we go out for drinks. When we’re stressed or unable to handle our lives, we may turn to more intense substances. Of course, not everyone drinks alcohol and/or does drugs, but it is a trend among our generation.

Drugs and alcohol often end up being love’s worst enemy. These substances give us the illusion of an alternate reality — a reality in which our emotions are heightened, and the love we experience becomes exponentially intense.

Unfortunately, all this does is confuse us, making us believe love is little more than the feelings we experience. Nothing could be further from the truth.


3. We sleep around — a lot.

Some less than others, but most individuals have multiple partners every year. Don’t get me wrong, I like sex just as much as the next guy, but sleeping around ends up leaving us feeling empty.

It starts out feeling exciting and gratifying, but ends up making us feel even more alone. Worse yet, it makes finding someone to love infinitely more difficult. You’re wasting your time with people who mean nothing to you and, to top it all off, you are likely to turn sex into a sport.

When that becomes the case, good luck trying to make love. Good luck enjoying sex when sex is no longer a special or unique experience, but just another trivial evening.


4. We’re becoming even more egocentric.

Every individual in the world is egocentric; we all think about our needs and ourselves first and foremost. Whether this is good or bad doesn’t really matter; the world is the way it is. It’s part of human nature.

The problem arises when our egocentricity overtakes our ability to feel empathy. As human beings, we have no choice but to live and function within society, within communities of different sizes.

Relationships are really nothing more than granular communities. When we focus on only ourselves, our needs, our wants and desires, the needs of the others in our community get overlooked. When this happens in a relationship, it all begins to fall apart.


5. We date for the sake of dating.

It’s become a sport — a favorite pastime among Millennials. We date because we believe we’re supposed to date. We’re supposed to find someone to fall in love with and spend our lives with, and we are under the impression that the best way to go about it is to date as often as possible.

This backwards logic brings about countless horrible relationships that never ought to have been in the first place. Every time you date someone who isn’t right for you, you’re giving up your chance to meet someone who is. Same goes for the rest of the world.


6. We aren’t fans of making compromises.

We like to have things our way, always. Why wouldn’t we? If we can have it our way, why would we settle for anything less?

This logic makes sense until we find ourselves in a relationship. When we’re a part of a relationship, we are only a piece of a greater whole. What we want and need is not nearly as important as what the relationship needs.

And what the relationship often needs is for you to compromise. So you’re left with a dilemma, which is fine, as long as you accept that compromises need to be made. Once we no longer accept that as a necessity, we will lose the ability to create a loving relationship.


7. We believe in fairytale endings.

What was our favorite thing to watch growing up? Most people our age will say Disney. We grew up on Disney movies and learned all about love through the stories they told — or at least I did.

The problem is such movies are incredibly inaccurate and often end up doing more harm than good. They create impossible expectations — expectations that always leave us disappointed in the end, not to mention confused.

How could you not question your love for someone when your story doesn’t line up with what you believe defines a happily ever after?


8. We’ve been fooled into believing perfection is attainable.

It’s not. Never has been, never will be, and yet, we are all looking for that perfect individual. We are all looking to become that perfect individual. Sadly, we’re all going to fail, and it’s going to suck.

No matter how unrealistic our expectations are, the disappointment we feel when they aren’t achieved is very real.

The grass always seems greener on the other side. But who the hell told you to look for greener grass?


9. We’re goal driven, but often forget to include our partners in the mix.

I love the fact that our generation is really the first generation to put the focus on the individual, allowing for personal growth and development. I’m proud our generation is the first generation that believes working for ourselves is better than working for someone else.

Having dreams and setting goals are both incredibly important; however, what’s more important is setting the right goals. We need to understand the difference between the things and individuals in our life who hold value and those that do not.

Sadly, this is an area in which our generation is greatly lacking. Most of us put off finding someone to love until after we get the rest of our life together. Not sure why no one realizes finding a partner is the most important piece of the puzzle.


10. Most of us are really bad at loving.

Love is confusing. It has layers and is mutable, changing over time and changing with each new partner we let into our lives. Love is so incredibly complex that most people simply haven’t been able to get a grasp of it.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it is reason to worry. The real question is: Are we getting better or worse at loving? That’s a question I’m not able to answer, but I fear it maybe the latter.

Of course, each individual is different in his or her understanding, but most people seem to be incredibly lost. The issue is if we don’t come to understand love better — its purpose, its boundaries and its shortcomings — we will never be happy.

That’s nothing short of fact.

If you want to read more of the author’s stuff you can; Follow Paul Hudson OnTwitter And Facebook.

Alright so I kind of think the points make sense and all that, but I’m not going to go as far as to agree with the idea that these are purely related to a certain generation, perhaps some of them are more prominent in certain generation, but most of them – as many people pointed out – can been seen in older generations as well.

Although I would like to think that perhaps not our entire generation is becoming unable to truly love, because well that’s just depressing now isn’t it. Or perhaps this all shows that our definition of love is somehow wrong or disillusion?

Quotes/sayings of the day:

Falling in love is like jumping off a really tall building. Your brain tells you it is not a good idea, but your heart tells you, you can fly. – unknown

What is love? In math: an equation; in history: a war; in chemistry: a reaction; in art: a heart; in me: YOU. – unknown

A trivial shift in the time line…

So it’s 10 days until my birthday, alright I’m an adult. I mean legally I’ve been an adult for almost a year now and I can do everything in a large number of countries – you know smoke, drink, vote.

But I don’t feel like an adult, I still feel… well I don’t feel like a child either, sure next September, I’ll start paying proper bills and renting my own place, real adult like stuff, but isn’t there meant to be something that makes you feel adult like or something, I thought it would be a little different. But then again when I was a child and I mean a child, I never wanted to get to this point in my life, while my friends admired the adults and were wishing they could be all grown up, I was wishing I would never grow up, while my friends were chatting about the pros of being ‘an adult’ I was noticing all the cons, sure the pros are great and everything, but if I had the choice I’d spent the rest of my natural life reliving my childhood, well up until I hit the double digits that is.

I know that probably sounds all selfish, but I just don’t feel like I’m properly equipped the be adult like, I mean I pretty much know nothing, about living an adult life, sure I can probably imitate it, but inside I’m curled up in the corner, crying my eyes out and sometimes on the inside these days as well, I suppose I’m always going to be that way.

Any ways, I’m just getting all  twisted up because I’ve got a whole bunch of work piling up, my plans aren’t working out the way I wanted – the best laid plans, right? – and I’m going to be another year older soon – you would think I was turning 60 the way I’m acting about it.

So my friends coming down next weekend, or at least that’s the plan at the moment. She wants to celebrate our birthdays, since her’s was yesterday and all that jazz. I got her this book, which I think she’ll appreciate; shag yourself slim and a couple small things. I did tell myself that I wasn’t going to celebrate my birthday this year, but it’s quite a few days before and since it’s reading/project week after that, I can still have the slightly depressing birthday I planned – I know planning myself a pity party, if that’s not sad what is? But I haven’t had a proper happy birthday for a while now, I mean I’ve had happy moments and all that jazz, although there was one year, where I thought my family had forgotten, but fortunately for myself they hadn’t.

I’ve been debating on and off recently if I want to stop going for casual relationships and actually have a – more or less – committed one. But there’s a whole bunch of pros and cons to both sides, so I’m still on the fence, as I am with most things I life. But I have met some nice people.

I met a couple new people, at the screening of American Psycho, that the psychology society here had this Friday, there was only five of us there, but it was nice all the same and we had an interesting chat, while we waited for the other people to arrive – and they never did arrive. Honestly I don’t think there’re going to ever get that many people, because it’s on a Friday night, everyone’s going out. I’ve sort of suspended my ‘going out’ because I want it to remain fun and interesting and what not and not become a mundane activity, as basically everyone I’ve talking to about it says it has for them. I don’t want to become one of those people that works all week and then spends all their wages on drinking the weekend away, it’s such a circular life and one I don’t want, so I’m not starting it now. I mean some people seem to come to university and just go crazy, like they’ve never gone out drinking or to clubs in their life, I don’t want to become that either. I know I’ll probably never do anything amazing, earth shatteringly great with my life, but I’ve got to give myself the chance or something along those lines – does that sound conceited? Because that wasn’t what I was going for, I think.

Some new things, with money on the mind…

So today…

My group managed to get our entire study finished today, so that was good, although I felt like I wasn’t doing as much as I should have been, but hey ho the world still spinning… right?

So about halfway through our second ‘data gathering’ session, which for us, was just writing up our poster, I had to go to a lecture thing on all the different aspects of the student village – where I now live. It was pretty basic stuff about fire safety and about not annoying our neighbours and respecting the officer when you’re drunk and he’s trying to get you to do something, that when you’re you don’t want to do all that sort of basic stuff, although I did see a couple people who I might need to talk to and all that jazz, so that was good.

After the ‘lecture’, I went into town with my house mate and his friend – the house mate who is 30. And we wandered around a little and all that jazz and I got to know Bournemouth a little better, so I think I’ll be able to pick my friend up next week from the train station. It was fun, although the house mates friend got me a drink and being me I got a little hyper and somehow more tipsy than usual, but it was interesting and also being me, by the time we were sitting waiting for the bus to arrive, I was thinking about making out with him, but understanding what a bad idea that would be, I didn’t, as I think he’s getting married soon and all that jazz.

So after arriving back at the University campus I met up with a friend from psychology and we went to the uni bar to watch drunk people sing karaoke, since neither of us were up for it. I mean I would have been after a few – hundred – more rum and cokes – because that’s what I decided I was drinking today. But she had to go early due to the buses not running late to where she lived, as she lived in one of the uni-let houses, so we left quite early into the singing, as people had actually bothered to go up and sing and some good songs as well. But then on the way back to my place, I ran into some people from outside house 50 and they wanted me to go back there with them, but I thought ‘I’ve got to get up early tomorrow, let’s hang out with them tomorrow’, because my group finish our study today, we don’t have to go in Monday, so I can just go out all weekend and that will be great, I also have next Friday off, but then my friend might be coming down next Saturday, so I don’t want to get too drunk Friday night, but I can Thursday and then take Friday off and then go out with her Saturday, as I have now got my student loan – yay! – I can actually spend money now and more or less not have to worry, too much. Although I have to remember what I have spent so I can make sure I don’t spend over my weekly allowance, as I’ve still got to go and buy some more food and what not, as I’ve got to cook for my friend when she comes down and cook dinner for my other friend some time soon, because she cooked for me, so it’s only fair there.

Quote/saying of the day: Time is even more valuable than money, you can get more money, but you can’t get more time. – Jim Rohn

Eyes closed or open I can’t tell… It’s all History

So I had this dream last night, where I was sitting in an old house – that I used to live in way back when. I was staring out the window and thinking about something or other, I think I was talking to myself – I do that see, in real life. And then suddenly it started to snow and it was really light at first, but then suddenly the world outside the window turned white and it was proper deep snow, like the kind we used to get here, according to the books and the elderly people. I think it was because I’ve been thinking about snow all week, because people have been saying it was going to snow by the end of the week, although as far as I can tell they were wrong, at least I haven’t had any snow around here, it’s rather spring-ish here actually.

Snowdrops and dandelions and all the other such things that signify the end of the winter months and the start of the weather ones. Most people would thinking that March might be a winter month, but it isn’t it’s Spring, at least in the UK, be maybe we’re just a little weird over here or something, but what the hell, I’m a Spring baby so I’m happy with the weirdness.

I myself used to have a little problem with dreams, you see I always dream in the third person, which means I always know when I’m dreaming – no one can try and use inception on me, yay! – but once out of the dream that’s when the problem crops up, because of the way I dream well it looks exactly like my memories. I mean spooky similar – yes that does mean I remember in the third person, don’t ask me how that works it just does. But I used to have a little problem working out if what I had dreamt was a dream or a memory, it was kind of frustrating, as most of the time the dreams would be completely ordinary things and involve other people, which lead to a couple – hundred – awkward conversations with people, or me waking up thinking it was one day or I had to do something and it wasn’t. Not that I was any good at telling what day it was. My sense of time was a little messed up back then as well – although it’s not exactly super great now – it wasn’t like I couldn’t tell the time, nothing like that. More like I couldn’t measure it by myself and if you asked me about something that happened a couple years ago, it would be like a couple months, maybe even days in my mind. Everything was squished together in piles of events and to my mind they all – nearly – happened at the same time, it was seriously confusing at times, but I worked around it and always gave vague answers to things concerning such things are times and dates. Although I took history back then – bad move – I could remember everything but the date of when things happened and you kind of need that to do well in history, but I did alright, I wasn’t expecting much. If you don’t expect too much you can’t get disappointed right?

Not the grands and most original philosophy I know, but what the hell, in some cases you’ve just got to roll with the punches or at least try and dodge them so you don’t get smacked in the face.

So I hear this a while ago and forgot about it until now. I like it, but it’s not really a masterpiece or anything. But somehow I can’t seem to stop listening to it – or something like that.