Finding a hammer to make a dent in my desire…

So yesterday was my friends birthday and he invited me and some other people to go for Japanese food with him, at a restaurant down – quite a way down – the road. Unfortunately one of our mutual friend couldn’t make it because she spent all her money on going to Asylum 14 this weekend. Honestly I’ve never really fan girl-ed enough over something, to want to spent thousands of pounds on it, but she really loves supernatural, so yeah…

Any ways, I’ve never had Japanese food before, so it was a new experience for me and I really enjoyed it, I tried octopus for the first time, in these balls that I can’t remember the name of right now and that was good and I learned – more or less- how to eat rice with chopsticks. I think I did quite well considering I’m not particularly good with chopsticks.

Any ways so after walking back to his place we hung out there for a while, with a friend of one of my other friends that lives in the same house and found out the cheapest ways to fly to Europe right now, which just made me want to go travelling even more and I worked out that I would have to save £7000-9000 for the next two years if I want to go to all the places I want to go to, plus any little trips I might plan. because I think that might be a good idea. So all this money is going to have to come from somewhere, hence my continued job search, now I’m thinking about trying pet sitting, because I found one that pays £13-30, so I’m going to look into that and some other places, plus I’m still doing the survey and product testing now and hopefully that will work out, although history is against me, I’m also thinking about trying to sell my University notes and what not on this website I’ve found, I mean after I’m finished my exams and what not, so that I can just go though everything and make some nice ones and hopefully make a little off of that, I mean ever little bit gets me closer, so I won’t be turning down money at any point, however I worked out I’m probably going to spend £300+ this summer, if everything goes as planned, so I need to make at least £600 to be really making a profit here, but I’ve got 3-4 months to this and then also look for a job here to do and I’m thinking about trying to see if there is any vacancies in the post office, because my friend worked there for a while and said that it was horrible soul sucking work, but it paid well, so I see abut that.,

Any ways, so my friends parents came down, well they were on their way to Cornwall and thought it would be nice to drop in on his birthday to give him his presents.

Then once they had left we watched Divergent, we were going to watch Insurgent, but he hadn’t see Divergent and I’m a bit of a stickler about watching things in order, I refuse to start watching a series even 1 or two episodes in, which is why I ended up not watching the second season of shield and still haven’t got round to that, then one of our friends made dinner, which was delicious, but because I tend to eat small portions these days, by half way through desert I started to feel a little sick, so I had to stop to my regret, because she made banana desert, which apparently was meant to be harder, but came out a little like soup, although it was still tasty, just didn’t look as good as it could have.

And after dinner we played Zelda Monopoly, because that was one of the presents he got – making me mighty jealous, because I love Zelda. By the end of the game it was 3:30 in the morning and me and one other of our friends, were the only ones still in the game, in the end I lost to her because I kept landing on her properties with Deku trees on – or in normal Monopoly, hotels. But it was a fun game and the way they did it was nice, although it did remind me that I can’t get the new Zelda game, because I don’t have a wii-U and with my lack of money I don’t think I’ll be getting one any time soon, unless I ask for it for Christmas and nothing else, although it might no even be out by then, since it’s been pushed back and all. Although there is the new(ish) Majora’s mask for 3ds.

I did get the original version on the wii, but I never really got into it. The time limit for me, made it harder to get into I think, but then again now I can only play it when I go home, but if I got it on 3ds I could play it whenever – maybe I be able to get into it more, if I was using it to procrastinate.

So yesterday confirmed a fear I’ve had for a while now, the problem with my eye has come back and I’m not sure who I go to about it, since I used to get to the hospital back home, so I’m going to try and get an appointment with the GP here and see if he can give me something for it, because the meds I had last time worked well and got rid of it – well sort of did – so I’m hoping I can get all this over and done with before my next test, which is Monday, well I’ve got one tomorrow as well, but I can’t get an appointment until tomorrow, so yeah…

These past days just seem to have to been unlucky ones for me, my eye problem came back, my ebay account got suspended and I’m seriously stressing about exams (etc). Maybe all the stress drought the eye problem back faster or something I dunno.

Quote/saying of the day: I was always lucky in my bad luck -Bohumil Hrabal

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Please just stay quiet for a little while longer…

So there is no ‘nice’ way to tell someone you don’t want to go out with them. I mean I used to not even have to think about that, because I had a sort of policy of saying yes to the first date and then no after that if it didn’t work out, I thought that was in some ways nicer, but then again in other ways it’s meaner, but whatever I dropped that idea, because I can usually tell when I’m never going to want to go there with someone, sure I’ll love them as a friend, but with me once you’re in the friend zone, you’re going to have to really work to get back out again, I mean you would have to be something along the lines of my perfect person – although I don’t believe in perfect – although I do believe in friends with benefits, but that’s sort of a whole different story with me, usually because that starts from the get go and there isn’t the whole building of the friendship before the fun stuff gets added in. Weird I know, but then I’ have resigned myself to the understanding that I am a ‘freak’ or at least generally ‘fucked up’ – excuse the language.

So why am I trying to find a nice way to turn someone down – why do you think – one of my new university friends – a male for those who were going to wonder – has decided to try and go there with me. He hasn’t actually asked yet, but I’m, usually right about these sorts of things – I knew my friend has lost her virginity before she told me, months later and I knew my other friend had a boyfriend before she told me – maybe I’m intuitive about things, or maybe it’s to do with the empathy stick, but whatever, I’m playing it dumb, because I’m sort of hoping that he will never get my to courage to ask me, or at least only do it right before I leave for summer so that he can get over it and we can be friends, because he’s a good friend. I know that’s not exactly nice, but one of my other male friends has a crush on me, never said anything and got over it and we’re still good friends, at least I think we are, it’s been a while since we last spoke face to face, but we talked over facebook and what not.

Ah this is an annoying situation, because one of the things that I liked about him when we first met, was that he didn’t seem to be wanting to go there and that was nice. I mean sure we talk for hours on end and he’s sort of got the same mind set I had about 6-7 years ago, which can be annoying at times, but then again he’s always talking about change, but I don’t think he really wants to considering I did it, because I pushed myself to change, because I wasn’t going in a health direction and I new that. but any ways all that just makes him a good friend and a person I would like to remain friends with, not a potential significant other. I’m not even sure if I want a relationship right now, especially as I think I want to have a summer fling this summer, although that might just be a booze talking – yeah I’ve been drinking alone, sad I know, but I’ve sort of been stressing, about my future and exams and tests and assignments and money and now him.

I’ve been looking around for some part-time/summer work and I’ve found some online stuff, which could be good or could be terrible, although if they ever get back to me I could earn £9000 in 4 months, although the job might not last that long, but still it’s high pay for what I have to do, which is next to nothing and I would love the money, since my savings is looking a little poorly at the moment. I was invited to go to Japan next summer and I want to go to New Orleans the summer after that, which could cost £4000-8000 for both trips depending on how much money I want to spend while there and all that jazz, plus I want to go to some festivals and stuff this summer, with my friends and they were talking about going to Italy next summer. I can’t wait till this semester is over, right now. All my assignment and tests and exams over and I don’t have to give a damn until results day, but no I’m not there yet.

I’m also considering becoming a mother’s helper, although I have next to no experience and since I was thinking about going for newborns and toddlers sort of age, I mean I have friends with children and I’ve helper out with them now and then, but you can’t really put that on a CV. I also thought about pet sitting over the summer, I found a company that pay £13-30/day which I’m, not too sure, but I think that’s good, I mean I’m not too sure how long there ‘day’ is, so I could be under minimum wage, but as a first proper paying job, I think it’s good and I think it was a somewhat link to the line of work I might want to do in the future.

I’ve also been doing a bunch of online surveys, so hopefully those won’t be dead ends, although one was, you had to complete offers – I wasn’t sure when it said offers, but I tried it – it was a total waste of time, a lot of the offers you would end of spending more money than you go back and I’m not looking to put my card details on the internet any more than they already are. I did however sign up for a 30 day trial with Now TV, probably not the best time to do that, with my exams right around the corner and all that jazz, but I’ll deal. I mean there’s actually not that much on there that I want to watch and I’ll have about 3 days after my exams to binge watch whatever I want to watch and then cancel account.

Quote/saying of the day: We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. – David Mamet, Boston Marriage

In an attempt to make a note of my annoyance…

So I’ve been back for 4 days now and it feels like I never went on break, just like usual. I don’t like that I so easily step back into the rhythm of my university lifestyle, sometimes, but then I guess it’s also a good thing and all that jazz.

Not that it doesn’t stop me wishing it was summer. I was really looking forward to summer, but now I’m not so sure, my plans aren’t quite going to plan and my friends keep changing the date of when we’re meant to be going away, for one reasons or another, the most recent of which is that one of them will ‘only’ have 2 days between going away and then going away with us, honestly I don’t really see how that’s a probably. I went out boating with them, when I had been up partying the night before and had a hangover, so I think she should be able to manage, but I don’t want to be a bitch or anything by saying this. Also I’m a little annoyed, because they were super against changing the date when one of our other friends wanted to and the one that wants to change it now, was quite mean and rude to her, basically implying that she shouldn’t be allowed to come if she couldn’t do those dates and now she’s made us change the dates twice, so I’m a little pissed at her. So I’ve been ignoring them mostly, I’m also doing that because I feel like their not the friends I thought they were, for other reasons as well and it’s making me a bit sad and what not.

But I’ve been reoccupying myself with other things, such as my new eleaf or istick, whichever you want to call it, which came the other day, a little earlier than expected, but I don’t mind that, now I’ve just got to wait for my new atomizer, as I’m having to use my older ones and I don’t think they can really keep up with the power of the istick, so I’m hoping it arrives tomorrow or Friday.

I’ve also been planning or trying to plan a trip to Nando’s – because it’s in another city, there apparently isn’t one in Bournemouth – with some of my friends, we were meant to be going tomorrow, but there were some scheduling problems, so it looks like we’ll be going Friday night – fun Friday night, at Nando’s.

I’ve also been using all these things, as reasons not to finish doing my assignments during this week and I’ve got 2 test to revise for and then of course my exams that are next month – only 5 more weeks, not including this week and I’ve finish first year.

Quote/saying of the day: Selfish persons are incapable of loving others, but they are not capable of loving themselves either. – Erich Fromm

So I’ve been watching that new Marvel series DareDevil. I watched the film that came out quite a while ago and honestly I didn’t think it was any good, I mean I don’t particularly think the acting was bad or anything like that, but I just didn’t like it. But I went ahead and watched this new series. Although I did like the coffin water bed thing that DareDevil had in the film, that was interesting, in this series he just has silk sheets, kinda boring in comparison, but hey ho the bed isn’t the most important thing about this. So I’ve got to the second to last episode of the series, because I have been sort of serial watching it a little and so far I think it’s actually quite good. I mean it’s kind of refreshing that he’s not just this super amazing sort of unbeatable anti-hero in this one and he does actually get hurt – quite seriously at some points – it makes him more… human.

Now in all honestly I haven’t read the comic, although it’s on my list – one day I’ll get round to actually reading all the comic I’ve got on my list – so I can’t say if it’s true to them or not, although the bad-ass woman, Electra I think her name is, but I can’t be sure and I can’t be bother to look it up – so sorry if I got it wrong – is so far not in the series, or at least I haven’t noticed her, so I’m not sure if she’ll ever feature in this series.

Oh and I also like that we get to see where/how he gets his DareDevil costume from is interesting in this series, in the film he already had it – it might have said where/how he got it, but it’s been a while since I watched it, so I’m not sure.

Pick up the paperbacks…

So apparently – according to a friend – today is world book day. Yay for books and all that jazz!

She was complaining – in a way – that she couldn’t dress up like she used to, in Primary school, because she saw all the pictures that people has posted on facebook and such of their children’s outfits. Pointing out that Elsa isn’t from a book, but who can blame the kid for wanting to be a magical princess?

So to console her and because I got a whole bunch of vouchers in the mail, we ordered pizza from Pizza Hut. It was a wonderful moment. Although neither of us could finish, so she ended up having to take a whole bunch home with her.

So one stress is over with for the week, since today was test day, but too be honest it wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be – still crossing my fingers I passed though – it was multiple choice, which I think everyone was happy about and the format for it was a bit rubbish, but hey I managed to finish it in 15 minutes and just sat there for the rest of the 40 minutes, I could have left at half past, but I didn’t want to disturb the people sitting next to me, as they were frantically scribbling and I didn’t really have much to get to any ways.

Quote/saying of the day: Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it – P.J. ORourke

The average person strikes again, colour hair and love potion in hand.

Alright so I skipped out on my friends with Thursday and Friday and to cover up where I was lied to one of them. To there face, although it seems I’m well versed in such tactics of covering my tracks, just well enough that people aren’t suspicious enough to look too closely, maybe unless they read this blog, but then that’s not going to happen any time soon – I hope.

So I spent Friday night trawling the internet looking for a way to not have to go out this Saturday and buy myself copious amounts of hair dye, which I will then waste, because I will only be using a small amount of the stuff. I’m dying my hair multicoloured. Well I’m dying strips of it, not the whole thing and sort of randomly. But luckily for me the internet provided me with the solution to that particular problem. And so I’ve been mixing up my own hair dye, not that it’s not going to work that well on as darker hair as mine, since I’m not willing to bleach my hair, because I don’t want or think I’ll look good with blonde hair, no offence to blonde, it just wouldn’t suit me. Blonde hair can look really wrong on certain people and I’m pretty sure I’m one of those people. but either way I wasn’t thinking I would be able to get super vibrant colour any ways, as  I was going to dye my hair black to start with, then all the colour over the top. I’ve been trying them out, but I’m not sure about a couple of methods that I’ve found, because apparently they can damage your hair, not that my hair isn’t already damaged, from the excessive straightening and what not.

So I only had to go to the corner shop to get what I wanted – mostly. There was some things that I already had, so that was good, less spending for me, as I’m trying and failing to save up my money, for the oncoming years – meaning the summer time, this year and the rest of my life. I want to do a lot this summer, but having the funds to do that ‘a lot’ is important. Because it seems that the rumours are true, the rich have it better, just not the really rich and powerful. I never want to be really really rich and powerful. I mean it’s alright for some, but not me. I want to be rich and have a slight amount of power at the most. I mean I don’t think things would be good if I was really really powerful the world might fall apart even more than it is and I might become the next… Hitler or something. I can be a bit of an extremist sometimes – alright all the time when it comes to new things. Not that I’m a terrorist or anything, that’s why I don’t get myself into politics. It’s not because I can’t be bothered, it’s because I know that my opinion is on the side that most people in this country are rooting against. Well I suppose it’s good news for the government, one less extremist to have to deal with and no need to worry in the future, I’m staying well away. I’ll just write about it in FICTION. That’s my way of dealing with such things. I get why people get all wrapped up in politics and good for you, but that’s not me and I wish people could respect that a little at least. But what the hell, everyone’s only human right? – until they’re not any more.

Alright so I’ve been watching this TV series Heroes – I think I might have mentioned it before, but I can’t be bothered to find out if I have or not. Here’s a summary; This groundbreaking sci-fi drama intertwines the stories of a disparate group of people who suddenly discover they possess superhuman abilities. Well that’s what it says on the TV series version of a blurb – forgotten what that’s called. So this has got me thinking about genetics, as I’m sort of into that sort of thing, but more like cross species genetics, although I don’t really know all that much about it, because well apparently I’m not smart enough to learn about such things. So I sort of put it on hold, until I’m out of education and don’t have to take any more tests, so I can fill my brain with useful things. I wanted to do Neurobiology at University, but you have to do biology at A level to be able to do that and I didn’t get the grades, so that went down the drain way too fast, not that I can’t learn about it, just because some test says that I don’t have the smarts. I have a very low opinion of tests, but then I’m not very good at them so, it makes sense that I would. But I’m not bad enough at them to warrant help. I mean most basic exams aren’t really tests of how well you can do a certain subject, they’re tests to see how well you can recreate yourself to their construct. Such as with my brother. During college he took Philosophy and he was really good at the subject, since he’s really smart. I mean not a genius, but smart, way over average old me – not that I like to admit that to him. So his teacher actually told him that he was really good at the subject and that he would do well in the field, I can’t remember the exact wording, so I’m just putting the gist. But his teacher also told him that he wouldn’t do well in the exam, because he didn’t write the essays in the format that was required. How stupid is that. You fail in the subject that you are good at, because you didn’t structure your essay in the perfect way that they want you to. I mean my brain doesn’t really work like that, so I sometimes find it hard to write like that and when it do, most of the time it comes out like crap, really. But they would rather have the crap, then an intelligent answer? I don’t really understand the educational system, maybe I’m just looking at it wrong or maybe I’m not ‘young’ to understand this stupidity. I mean come on, we do well in exams they make them harder, then wonder why everyone is doing so badly, so they make them easier again! It’s stupid and heavily flawed. I wonder whether they can’t find some more common ground to test us on, or something? But there really isn’t much I can do right now about all that and by the time I can, I won’t be bothered, because I just want to get out of education and start working, but to do what I want to do, I have to stick it out until the bitter sweet end.

I think some of that made sense, at least I hope it did. I mean I’m not stupid – despite what some people might think – although I’m not really smart either. I believe myself to be just above average or maybe just average and I’m happy with that, because being smart seems like it could be a burden at times, although nice as well. I mean I understand when smart people are talking, most of the time, I get what they’re saying and all that jazz, it’s just… I’m not sure. Maybe it’s my appallingly bad memory or something that’s holding me to my average status – well we can’t all be geniuses, because then we wouldn’t be.

Weird thought, sort of changing topics, but my friends were arguing about what love is and one of them was insisting that love was just chemicals. Well if that’s true, then why hasn’t anyone tried to make a love potion of sorts? Or have they? And if so it must have failed, because they would be one hell of a drug. You could make millions off of something like that, but I think it would be black market stuff, because of the hundreds of ethical issues, there would be an up raw about it, but people would still want it and I bet there would be a lot of ‘crazy’ men and women that would covert the stuff, so you would still make a killing off of it.

Might be a good idea for a book there. Although I know there have been books and films about this sort of thing.