This is just something something

So I’ve had the idea for this one floating around for a while and I just started, writing it, so I thought I’d post it.

I should probably state it does have a little bit of violence and some blood in it, so yeah, you’ve been warned.

So at the moment this is called Angel for Flesh, but it’s a working title, I just needed something to call it.

Laughter rang out though the night. A quiet jest of what should be joy, followed by the screams of lost innocence, in the agony of unwanted pleasure. You would think in a city so big and full that it bustled, with the squirms of untold life, someone would care enough to stop and listen.

But to the minds of humans the vastness of such exquisite agony, was to small when compared to their own individuality.

He stood fast in the belief that no one would peer into the darkness, for fear of viewing their deepest fears. For all of this city must walk the line, never straying into the dark or the light, for they maybe swallowed by it.

The cruel slowness of his, quick and torturous act, would haunt her until the day she chose to paint her world scarlet. And with the cracking of her throat she believed she would taste such pleasure tonight. He on the other hand, knew he would be rolling in it for days to come and even more so if he was to see her again.

He never felt more pleasure than in these moments, singularly cut out from his life by their intensity. But tonight was different. Tonight was singularly more magnificent then any that had come before. The thought of putting her in this sinful state, had made him shiver even before he had touched her flesh.

Footsteps ripped him out of his jubilation. He quickly clad himself in his armour, which had been scrubbed clean from any dirt, so as to not suggest what lurked beneath. She lay behind him unconscious. Her wilted body looking much more relaxed than it should have done.

“She’s not dead right?” the voice asked out of the darkness, the owner of the footsteps, bringing like to a haunting sound. He relaxed, his armour clinking at the seems, as he put down his shield.

He bared his perfectly straight teeth and let loose a stifled laugh, a fragile echo of the one that streaked through the night before. A nervous attempt to create familiarity. “No just unconscious. I think I got a little excited with this one.”

“Well I can understand why” the footsteps said, as the owner of them came into the light. His hat and suit, suggesting class he did not posses.

The light glinted upon the metallic symbolization of his rand and station. “This one something. I’m a little jealous you got to her first, mate.” the officer cracked a smile that displayed several false teeth.

“I would say take her, but I think I might keep this one” his smile grew wider, his white teeth flashing in the moonlight that was gently beginning to drift into the alley.

“Come on Karl share” the officer half jested, bending down to run his fingers through the girls long brown hair.

A shadow flitted across the moon, pausing Karl in his response. “Maybe we should go” he muttered, moving slightly towards her, as his eyes drifted to the starless sky.

“Aww and I thought we could have some fun” a new voice spoke from above and a figure materialised out of the building beside them. They swished towards Karl and the officer. Their face shadowed by long black tresses.

“We would love to play with you, darling” Karl smirked, the rotten darkness was screaming out for this woman, even without him seeing her face, he could tell she was beautiful, perhaps even better than the woman that lay behind him.

“I’m sorry, mate, but we don’t have time for that” the officer said, not even bothering to take his eyes off of the girl that lay before him. “Get rid of her, quickly”. Sighing with disappointment Karl pulled out his knife and ran for the girl.

The sound of flesh being parted by metal followed. Permeated only by the grunts and groans of death, which were soon silenced by the thump of a body hitting the ground.

“Come on, help me life her” the officer called. He moved to lift her feet, but was stopped by the feeling of dread that ran up his back and made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

Slowly he reached into his coat and spinning round he drew his gun.

the mussel of the gun landed pressed over the heart of the heavenly gorgeous woman that stood behind him.

The moonlight glistened on the scarlet blood – that had once belonged to Karl – which was splashed across her left side.

“Who are you?” the officer whispered.

She smiled an animalistic smile, which showed her extended k-nines. “Honey, you couldn’t even comprehend”.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her hand move and without stopping to think, he pulled the trigger.

Blood exploded behind her, showering down in little ruby droplets, as two long pieces of metal burst from her back. Like wild beasts that had been set free from their cage, they shot out with vicious finality, towards the moon and then spread out to cast an ominous shadow over the officer, blotting out the shine of the full moon.

“What are you?” the officer shook from head to toe, his gun almost slipping from his fingers.

She threw her head back and a soft groan slipped between her lips. Then with a shiver, she truned her gaze back to him.

“What am I? I’m you’re best nightmare, honey” she smiled as she flexed her wings and came at him.

“I’m home Laz” Nixar called, pulling off her blood soaked jacket and throwing it into the corner, where a dog waited eagerly to tear it to shreds. “Still haven’t gotten rid of the mutt” she half muttered, as she headed for the stairs.

“What was that about my precious Liza?” Laz smirked as Nixar entered his room.

The huge inky purple curtains were closed as usual and the ancient chandelier that hung from the ceiling, cast a half light, which didn’t reach the corners of the room. A shattered mirror hung half fallen on the wall, between the door and the fireplace, which sparked with its usual blue flames. Next to this was the door into the bathroom. The furthest corner from the window housed a four poster bed, which could easily sleep 4 people, it had satin sheets and heavy curtains.

“What do you have for me today?” Laz asked, leaning back in his chair. Nixar smiled, she could feel Laz’s eager eyes on her , but she took her time walking over to him. The mossy red carpet, squelched silently under her bare feet.

Finally she reached him and gently pulled out a piece of black cloth. Setting it lightly on the desk between them, she let the pieces of material slip through her fingers. They drifted to the desk top, like raven feathers, to reveal the bloody mess of flesh within.

“The best I could find. ‘Comparative evil'”.

Laz’s smile grew malicious and he gestured for her to come to him.

Swiftly she settled herself into his lap, her entire body relaxing as she settled into him, breathing in his familiar scent. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in closer, as he whispered in her ear. “Let’s have a bite”.

Nixar reached over the desk to pick up the flesh. As she did so Laz’s arms tightened around her, a sign of his eager anticipation and possessiveness. She revelled in the feeling of his constraints, tightening her own grip on the flesh. It oozed blood, which slithered through her fingers, thick; a statement of it’s defiance, for being removed from its master.

She raised it to her lips. Her breath coming out short, as Laz flexed around her.

Blood spilled over her lips, as she bit into the flesh, wandering down her chin. In one swift move Laz caught the droplet before it fell. He gently ran it up her chin and smudged it across her bottom lip with his thumb. Hesitantly she licked the blood from his finger. Suddenly he pulled her head upwards and leaning down pressed his lips to hers, running his tongue over her bottom lip. She let out a small grasp, as his hold around her tightened, her  own grip mimicking his, sending streams of blood down her arm to drip from her elbow to her bare thigh.

“So sweet” he whispered as their lips parted. She hung for a moment, trying her best to hold onto the sensation of his kiss.

His hand slipped down to guide her, blood covered one, to his mouth, so he could take a bite. He never broke his eye contact with her, as he ate.

Once finished he began to clean the blood off her, first her palm, then each of her finger, finally down her arm. Until she couldn’t take it any more. Lifting her hand, she splayed it across his cheek, begging him to close the distance between their lips.

He obliged, leaning down to press his lips to hers. She pursed her lips, allowing him entrance to her mouth. His mouth and tongue, tasted sickly sweet. Beckoning her to become intoxicated on his kisses.

A vicious delight, cut too short by the parting of their lips.

“More” she whispered.

“So greedy today” he smirked, the pleasure in his voice only driving her greed. “How are your brother and sisters?” he asked  to in a wicked attempt change the subject.

“Fine, fat and fed” Nixar muttered back, a pout forming on her rouged lips.

He laughed softly at her pout. “Well since you’ve done such a good job, perhaps I shall give you a reward” he whispered. Making her shiver, as he ran his long finger tips, down her body. “But what to give you?” he questioned, his fingers still tracing her body.

“Wicked” she whimpered, shivering with his every touch.

“The most wicked. But you love my wickedness” he whispered, before tilting her head back and kissing her, deeply, passionately, wickedly.

Nixar scrubbed at her arm to make sure all the blood had been washed away. The bubbles popped around her as she plunged her hand back into the water, which had turned a delicate shade of pink, reminding her of freshly bruised skin.

She smiled at the thought, before rising and wrapping herself in a towel, exiting the bathroom.

“Fresh?” Laz asked, before taking her hand and pressing his lips to the back. He nipped it gently, before letting go.

Nixar stretched “Fresh” she answered pulling on some clean clothes from the huge dark wood wardrobe, which won’t look out of place in a castle.

Laz watched her for a moment, before returning to his papers. “Your siblings were calling” he said, his attention obviously drifting.

“I’ll be back soon” Nixar called, as she headed for the door.

“Feed the dog”

“I gave him my jacket earlier. When are you going to get rid of that thing?” she paused in the doorway her head tilted to one side slightly, a quiet smile playing across her lips.

“Perhaps tomorrow” Laz muttered. The same old answer. She did not understand why he seemed to love Liza so much, but then again she did not deign to suggest she understood Laz.

She mentally shook herself, as she hurried downstairs to find out what her siblings wanted.

“Peter, why were you calling for me?” Nixar asked, crouching down, so that she was closer to him.

“She was making a fuss over the fact, she doesn’t have a name yet.”

Nixar moved over to the one Peter had gestured to. She lay to one side, away from the others.

Nixar stared down at her for a moment and she turned and stared right back. Then Nixar kicked her square in the face.

“You will be given a name, when you have earned it” Nixar yelled down at her. The other crowded round, looks of utter awe, plastered on their faces.

Nixar glared down at her whimpering form for a moment, before walking back to the door.

“Peter, make sure she is punished appropriately” Nixar spat over her shoulder.

“Yes of course” Peter answered, before crawling over to the whimpering form. She spluttered and groaned, a deformed tongue spoiling her words.

“I don’t want to hear it” Nixar said menacingly, before quickly closing the door begin herself. A strained scream, grappled for Nixar, as she walked away, but she shrugged it off and headed back to Laz’s room.

Oh this was something that helped inspire me when writing this, so I thought I’d just put it here at the end.

An explosion of Wanderlust that lives with Procrastination…

I’m freaking out right now, I’ve got an exam Thursday and I know nothing. I’m not exaggerating here, I mean nothing. Maybe I could dig into the black pit of my memory and pass the multiple choice part of the exam – crapping by – but I cannot write an essay and I’m not good at exams in general.

But I’ve got no one to blame but myself and my stupidity and determination, but if I pass all of my other assignments and the next two exams, then it might not matter, or I might just have to retake, although I have a strong disliking of retaking – maybe it’s because I have the stupidest hard-wired brain, but whatever. I wish I could just dedicate my life to fictional writing and not have to get a ‘real’ job, but I’ve not got the confidence or the skills to do that, so exam stress it is. I mean this is university, big stuff, can’t blag your way through this one, I’m not even sure how I got in, but now I’ve got to stay in, because I cannot redo this year and I can’t fail, because I have no plan, which means I’ll just go home and bum around until the father screams at me for doing nothing with my life.

I’ve heard the speech he gave my brother, I don’t need to hear it again, not that he would really be disappointed, because I don’t think he really expects much from me, even though the I’m the youngest of his children to actually go to University, nearly was going to be the only one, until the older brother decided he wanted to take part time courses or something.

But as I told my friend this is the first year, it can’t be that hard, right?

God I wish it was summer already I had finished my exams and was off for my summer break. I’ve got big plans for this summer, big and possible out of my ‘league’ plans, but I’m going to try and make it happen, so hopefully because I really want it the whole universe will conspire to help me get it, since that’s what’s meant to happen according to certain people. But don’t worry, I’m not leaving it to the universe completely, just a little bit here and there. Plus if it works out this could be a great summer vacation. I want to have another summer fling this year. I say nothing but last year it wasn’t really a proper summer fling.

Speaking of fling, I’ve managed to fling Mr G. I hope. I haven’t gotten a text from him in a while and despite my worries he hasn’t gone to stalker levels – yet! I’m hoping that his clingy nature was just exaggerated via text and he’s not really that clingy, because if he is, I’m thinking I’ll be hearing from he soon. But I’m glade it flung him, because he wasn’t exactly good for me or anything and now I can think about getting into a relationship if I want to and I’m not sure if I want to, I think I’ve got too much of a stereotypical ‘guy’ perspective on relationships now. Honestly that’s not all my fault, a string of bad relationships and growing up in a house with really only males can do that to you, or turn you into a super slut, not that I don’t like to think I have a little of both in me.

Any ways moving on, I’ve always wanted to travel and I think it would be fun to travel with friends, since I’m all shy and sometimes antisocial and whatnot, plus one of my friends can speak Spanish, which could come in handy and all that jazz. So this summer I want to give in to my traveller spirit and go abroad, but right now all I’ve got is a plan and hope. There’s a lot to plan and do before I get anywhere and a lot to save, since I’ve a poor student and most of friends are also poor students that means I don’t really have the money to go abroad, but I’ve got a plan to get it and enough to get my friends with me, not sure how much I can make, so I’m not sure who I’ll be able to invite, so I made a list and decided who I would rather going on holiday abroad with and then depending how things pan out I’ll go from there and all that jazz.

I’m going to try and make the swimsuit or rather finish the swimsuit I started way too late last year.

Quote/saying of the day/week: We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. – David Mamet.

If I was straight like them…

So since I went shopping yesterday, I invited my friend around and made her dinner, to pay her back for cooking me dinner the other night. So alls been settled.

It was fun hanging out with her for a few hours. We had rice and chicken and I did a little too much rice, so she couldn’t quite finish hers, but hey ho now I’ve got tomorrow’s dinner! But she was telling me all about her exploits with her men friends, as it seems a few males her competing for her attention, even though she’s not into any of them – unlucky fellahs. But after spending the evening with her, I now understand how they could have gotten the wrong vibes from her, she’s a very open personality, which can easily come across as wanting that sort of relationship, when all she’s looking for is friendship – I mean she’s not my type, so I don’t care, but other’s might think differently.

It’s funny but it seems like most of the girls I’ve met aren’t looking for a relationship, while it seems like quite a few of the guys are, which is sort of change from the usual gender stereotype, about relationships, usual the male doesn’t want the relationship the the female does, although the university girls are proving this wrong. I’m also surprised about the number of people that have come to university attached, it just doesn’t seem like a good idea to me, I mean long distance is hard enough and then add freshers on top of that and it’s just a recipe for unfaithfulness.

But all this talk of relationships, makes me think about my first and then things I could have done differently and I don’t like to think about that at the moment, it’s a small regret, which is a small price to pay for a wonderful memory.

I decided to straighten my hair today for the first time in a long time now, I think it’s been a few month, although I think I did quite a good job, but this does mean that I’m going to have to wash my hair tomorrow most likely, due to the fact that my hair gets really greasy when it’s straight, compared to when it’s not, where it just gets tangled – greasy or tangled, usual I go with tangled.

So because I was straightening my hair, I took a shower and the water was freezing. I’m not sure why, I thought it might be just because someone had used all the hot water or something, because apparently people have had that happen, but I was chatting to my house mate and she said that the shower was cold for her as well, so we think it might have something to do with what they were doing outside today, but honest we don’t know and I’m just hoping there will be hot water tomorrow.

So tomorrow I’ve got this wine reception thing, which I’m really looking forward to, well I think I’m looking forward to the wine, but then I’m not really a wine person, although I did have this nice Rose wine once, but I’m thinking they will probably be serving the cheapest wine they could get their hands on.

Quote/saying of the day: A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other…Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever – Dave Matthews Band

So there is this guy I’ve had my eye on, but like the majority of the time I see someone I might potential like my sadist side kicks in and starts to analyse and I’m not going to purse it – him. There’s a bunch of reasons why and he’s a nice guy – that being one of them – and he’s sweet – that being another – don’t get me wrong I’m not against nice guys, it’s just not the best thing for me, maybe in the future, but I find nice guys can be good one night stands, but I think I don’t want to have a one night stand with someone that lives about 5 doors down from me and who I will probably see nearly everyday and what not.

Girl’s sweet chilli sunshine…

So I’ve been down in Cornwall for a week – well just less than a week – now and having a hell of a time with the girls. It was meant to be 5 of us, two guys and three girls, but in the end it was just 4 of us, although we did meet up with a friend that was already down there and her boyfriend. But the guys backed out, one because of personal reasons and the other because he’s a hot head and does stupid stuff when he’s angry.

So we spent an outrageous amount of time getting down to Cornwall, because of all the traffic on the way down, it seemed like everyone was heading down to Cornwall. Or perhaps like we were chasing the traffic, but whichever one it was, it all amounts to spending about 4 extra hours in the car, than we had to last year.

At least we didn’t get court in a traffic jam like this one!

This time around we went to this camp site on the side of a hill, OK we rolled around a little in the night and had to be careful with the camping stove, but the view was lovely! But that also meant that it was pretty windy on the camp site, so by the second day we had decided to peg the guide ropes down – that is what those ropes are called right?

Unlike last year we spent the majority of our time lounging around on different beaches, or swimming in the sea. But about halfway through the trip we decided to buy a boat, as we had found a island that we wanted to get to, but after careful inspection of the water, we decided that it was safe to try and swim to it, so we got the boat to hold onto and while two people sat in the boat the other two swam. It was actually really funny, because there was this weird seaweed that we had to swim through and on the way to the island one of my friend started screaming “I’m f*cking Harry Potter” as she swam through the seaweed, which became one of Holiday quotes.

Because the camp site was family friend – very much so, basically just family’s and couples – there were a lot of children around, which means having to wake up to them screaming, but the children in the tent next to us, although waking us up at god knows when, gave us a bunch of laughs. However we thought one of the brother’s was a girl for a while, before we actually saw them.

Although I said we spent most of our time on the beach, we did go to St Ives once, but we couldn’t find a parking space, so we ended up just driving around St Ives, and then going back to the camp site and getting drunk – which we did a few times, with the friend and her boyfriend. On one night I was felt alone with the boyfriend and the friend and so I said a bunch of inappropriate things to the boyfriend, as a drunk me is a unfiltered me – but it wasn’t awkward the next day or anything…

So other than St Ives, we went to this chocolate factory, which turned out to be one room, with people making chocolate behind this glass screen and then a bunch of shops. We only really ended up going there because it started raining, which it did a couple times, but we got some nice sunny afternoons and some warm evening, such as the one were we headed to Tesco in our Pyjamas. Where in the parking lot one of my friend called a guy ‘stupid for not wearing pyjamas to Tesco’.

Luckily for us our last day was pretty gloriously sunny, so we headed back to the beach where we sailed to the island and did some jumping off rocks. Unfortunately I forgot my swimsuit, so I only had bikinis, so I wore a shirt over the top, as I didn’t want to show off my flabby fat belly – as I haven’t been working out recently, and have been kind of eating fatty food. But as my friend said we’ve got a month or so to get fit, before we head to university – which was a sort of banned word on this trip, as we’re all a little scared/excited about going, well the one’s of us that are going.

But overall it was a good trip, although at one point one of my friends tried to stick her tongue down my throat. Not that I don’t think she’s a lovely person, but I always think it’s a little weird to get with a friend – even for just a night. That can lead to awkwardness and I’d rather conserve the friendship. Although I know the friend that tried to kiss me doesn’t totally feel that way about friendship and romance.

So I decided that I like sweet chilli, or at least I liked the sweet chilli sauce we had on our noodles one night. Although we did binge on crisps and sugar free Limeade a couple times, I think we did pretty well with the meals and what not, although we seriously underestimated the amount of money we would need for food, but luckily everyone had enough, so it was all good. Although I thought I was going to come back with some money left in my purse, I thought it would be a lot more than the amount I did come abck with, but hey ho, what is money for, but to spend – right?

Quote/saying of the day: When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them –  Confucius quotes (China’s most famous teacher, philosopher, and political theorist). I have a whole bunch of them written on a poster on my room door. Think I might take it to university with me and put on my door there or something. But then as my brother said when I put it up, who reads what’s on the door? As proven my Doctor Who.

Speaking of Doctor Who, the extra long episode is airing this weekend, can’t wait for it. Although I might be going out that night, so will probably be recording it and watching it the day after, although I think I would record it any ways.

Alright so I heard Taylor Swift’s new song on the radio in the car one day and thought I’d share. I’m not a really big Taylor swift fan, but I like her stuff – well some of it.

Now I would have put some photo’s in this post, but I seem to have misplaced my photo’s as I’m not sure where I imported them to. But when I find them I put them up, somewhere somehow and all that jazz.

Stars, late nights and river riding

So once I got home from the studio tour, I had a pretty uneventful few days.

I just messed around and whatnot.

Although the last… 3 days have been a little bit non stop kind of thing. So Tuesday I went to a house party/camp out, as me and a could friends wanted to test the tents for camping, but once we had them up, we pretty much just got drunk and I had my first sober adjacent cigarette, which was liquorice flavoured and tasted something like burnt marshmallows, but I like burnt marshmallows. So after sleeping under stars, because we decided it would be fun to star gaze the night away and we saw a couple shooting stars. We put the tent down, stuff it into the car and I went home for a couple hours, since the only thing I had eaten that day was this omelette I made, I decided it would be prudent to have something to eat, so I made some salty leak and potato soup – which I had to throw away, because it went mouldy. So Wednesday evening I headed out to this party, my friend had invited me to as a plus 1, since her boyfriend wasn’t around. So I decided to colour my hair for the night, with hair chalk – blue, pink, orange and red. So it took us a little while to find the field, which the party was in, as it was another night of camping for me, but we got there in the end, with a little help from a friend.

So when we got there I found out I actually ‘knew’ the host, although I didn’t know basically anyone else, so it was just a big round of introductions, while we assembled the tent. And then I got pretty plastered and made some new ‘friends’, played some, slowly more sexual party games and made out with a guy, who I can now not remember the name of and who called me blue most of the night, because of the blue in my hair, actually quite a few people ended up calling me that, because I was refusing to give people my name, because I’m weird like that and some guy tried to make out with me and ended up making out with my nose, which was a laugh, plus I rolled up some cigarettes, and I think I did a pretty dam good job of it too. I mean I’ve rolled my brother’s before, but that was once when I was drunk, not that I was technically sober this time either, but hey ho. It was a fun night, although the top I was wearing was  little big, so when this guy lifted my up into the princess hold, my boobs popped out to say hi, not that I did anything about it, by that time I was too pissed to think about pulling my top up or something like  that.


So in the morning we packed up the tent and headed to get our ride home, as I was sharing a ride with the friend who invited me. But we were a bit early so we got some breakfast in the form of cheese sandwiches and water.

So I got home and just thought about grabbing a shower, when a car drove up and I realised I had promised to go out with some friends and go boating today. So having not been able to shower I had to rush out again, but we had fun and went swimming with all our clothes on, because we didn’t have swim suits and my friends boyfriend split tango all over her, so she wanted to wash off the stickiness.

So I’m now looking forward to a pretty quiet weekend, just me myself and I. Although the father was meant to come around, but now he’s not, so it really is just me, myself and I. But I’ve got some more things going on next week. seems my summer is going to be eventful, as the friend has invited me to another party next month, although I’m not sure if I’ll go, because I kind of ‘dissed’ the guy who’d party it is once, although I’m not sure if he remembers or not. But perhaps, better safe than sorry there.

Quotes/sayings of the day: At every party there are two kinds of people — those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. ~Ann Landers

No party is any fun unless seasoned with folly. ~Desiderius Erasmus

The unconscious self destruct button

So I was a little bored this afternoon/evening – prevening – so I thought ‘what haven’t I done in a couple of days?’ Oh I know let’s talk to strangers on the internet, that’s always a bag of joy. So that’s what I did and there were some predictable ones. The random horny guys that just wanted to swap pictures, that’s one of good thing about some of these more anonymous chat sites, you can just skip them and not have to deal with anything you don’t want to. But then there was this one guy… He was really nice, I mean not just the basic – sorta – lame nice guy routine, but a genuine article. So we were having a nice little chat and we swapped pictures – much to my reluctance – normal pictures, although he didn’t have his top on in his picture, saying that he had just gotten out of the shower, but whatever. He shared a little of his life story and tried to get me to do the same, but as I have said – probably – many times I am quite a personal person and I also have slight – major – trust issues, so I did but didn’t want to share. Although there was something surprisingly familiar about his picture and he said the same about mine, so I jumped on that and started into detective mode, time to shuffle through all those faces of people I’ve met.

At this point I was thinking ‘oh what a nice guy I think I could actually talk talk to him’, but unfortunately for me my devilish unconscious was thinking ‘now how can I mess this all up’. My unconscious can be a bit of a bitch sometimes. And then it popped into her… or rather my head, I can dig too deep and then say something inappropriate and so that’s what happened, leaving me with an ended conversation and a bad after taste. For a moment, a millisecond I thought about trying to find him again, but then the rest of my brain kicked in and I just resined myself to my self destructive ways.

Oh well, he could have been a good friend/pen pal. Although I’m not very good at keeping in touch with real pen pals, but e-mail might be easier and cheaper.

So today was… normal. I got hit on by and friend of a friend, who was promptly told I have a boyfriend, which right now is a lie – more or less. Not that I was really all that interested, but it can be fun just to flirt sometimes.

Well I would continued this, but I have to get some beauty sleep, so see you next time – what is this a TV show.

But oh course I must not forget the quote/saying of the day: Hell isn’t merely paved with good intentions; it’s walled and roofed with them. Yes, and furnished too. – Aldous Huxley

A short and sweet romance.

Maybe one more chance was all this thing needed, or maybe I was in a dark place yesterday, but whatever things are turning around for me and my lovely love life – and with that she jinxes it. So today I’ve ‘met’ two guys. One shy, but nice and not a technophob – yay! And the other is nice and we might go to the same college, or rather he might go to the college next to me, but I’m not too sure what that place is called now, since they changed it’s name recently and everyone just calls it by the really old name, so I actually have no idea what it’s called, but what the hell right?

So yeah other than that my day has been quite dull. I was meant to be going to the dentist, apparently, but when I rang up to check the time, they said I didn’t have one, so I made a proper one, something about calling. They’re really weird about appointments, there has been many a time when something similar to this has happened. But never mind.

Torn to pieces and suffocated by secrets, I keep on walking…

Hooray for all the couples around the world! Because today is Valentines day and for all the people not in a relationship, it’s just another day.

For me though, just another wet and windy day, although I did get one, sort of, Valentine. I’m not sure if that would be right, because Valentines is for lover/couples, so I suppose it was just a gift on a day that just happened to the a romantic one. Any ways, I have a thing about Valentines day, because, well, people don’t do it ‘right’ any more, or rather how they used to. Although I have a feeling that the English never really did it right. As far as I can tell, with my generation – or at least at this age of my generation – Valentines day is a day for couples to be romantic – basically it’s a two way street. But the way I see Valentines day as being ‘right’ girls give guys chocolate to show their ‘affection’, so more or less a one way street. However I like the idea – how I know this isn’t English, but then I’m not completely English any ways so what the hell – that guys return the affection on ‘Whites day’, by giving the girl they like/love something white, anything white, it doesn’t matter. Although I’m sure there will be girls out there that would disagree and say that it should be something expensive, but with me, as long as I can see the thought and love behind the thing, then the price tag isn’t that big of a deal – for this holiday. I just like this so much better, but then it does rely on the girls to pluck up the courage to ‘confess’ first and I know that’s hard for some, although that isn’t just a female issue. I don’t know, maybe I’m just a little bit too much old fashioned about these sort of things, it’s not like I’m all that bothered about the way people do Valentines day now. It’s just a little thing I have about it, that’s all. Or maybe it has something to do with me always being alone on Valentines day, but that doesn’t really bother me too much, I mean I’m not one of those people that will get together with someone just for a holiday, because they don’t want to be alone, for that holiday. Yes quite a few people do do that, a lot. Valentines day, Christmas etc, all those potentially romantic holidays, they will find someone just for a week or 3 surrounding the holiday, then move on. They’ll even go out with people they don’t really like, in that way, all that much. I just think that’s a bit crazy and a tiny bit pathetic. I mean it’s not that bad being alone on days like this, most singles just treat it like another day in the pile of days that make a year.

God what is my life?

Any ways today, right… So it was kind of weird today, alright maybe weird isn’t the right word. But it seems that that misunderstanding that occurred has not been sorted out in my absence – I wasn’t around them for a while, so I was hoping when I saw them again it would all be over, no such luck.

I’m not really sure what to do right now though, so I’m a little ‘torn’ and then I’m just thinking ditch them all the recalibrate a little with someone else. But I’m waiting for some nicer weather, because I was to go outside and not have to worry about being rained on all day long and all that jazz. Although I have a feel they wouldn’t even notice all that much, it’s not like I’m this big, bright light and I would be leaving them in the dark if I wasn’t around – that was a weird metaphor I know. I just can’t wait till summer or at least the summer weather. Sunshine, I want some sunshine. Proper bright and warm sunshine, non of this half light stuff that we’ve been getting recently. I’m not in the mood for that. Not that the weather has ever adhered to my moods…

Maybe I’m just feeling a little off, because the thing that I was waiting to come in the mail still hasn’t. I know I should be patient, but well I’m not being patient… I’m just really nervous about it and I want to talk to someone about it, but I’m not sure who… I mean someone does know, but I can’t talk to him about it, he’d just freak again. I don’t think I can talk to my friends about it either, I’m just a little – well a lot – scared about how they will react. I mean they already see me as a slut, this on top of that, I’m not sure if I can take that right now. I sure they would supportive after they got their heads around the whole thing, but that not the point. I don’t think I could stand the time in between… Oh well guess I’m just going to have to try and hold out a bit longer- hopefully not too much longer.

Quote/Saying of the day: It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness – Leo Tolstoy.