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So this post is going to be dirt.
I mean I’m just saying it up front, so if you don’t think you want to know, or can’t handle it, or shouldn’t know/handle it, because I do believe in the idea that children are innocent, or at least should be and hopefully will have innocent childhood, and all that jazz, please stop reading now. Go read one of my other posts, or just leave my blog, I don’t completely mind.
Any ways so recently I’ve had sex on the brain, alright I’m going to just say it, I’ve been horny. But hey, I haven’t have sex in a while and for those of you that aren’t virgins any more – and although I’m not sure if it’s the same for men – good sex is almost worth souls – if that makes any sense. I mean it’s like that quote; “Sex is like oxygen, it’s only important when you’re not getting any” Although I think this applies to both gender, I’m not sure if this applies to everyone or virgins. I know when I was a virgin I wanted to have sex and I got horny and what not, but after I lost my virginity it was a whole different ball game.
Now on this blog, I don’t really talk about sex a lot – I don’t think – I mean I think I’ve brought it up from time to time, danced around with the subject a bit and possible teased a little, but this isn’t a blog about sex, this isn’t a documentation of my sexual exploits, because recently there haven’t been any – with other people, if you get where I’m going…
But like I said recently I’ve had sex on the brain and because you don’t know me – if you do, please forget this blog even exists – I’m going to say for the record, I love sex and I see myself as both a sexual and possible perverse – I think I’ve stated that in one of my past posts – depending on your way of think, person. But I love that about myself, although I have to admit I’ve always had a thing for… sin.
Although now I don’t really see it as sin, it’s normal for me, diffidently not normal for everyone else.
Any ways in a past post I’ve talking lightly on the subject of my S&M or BDSM preferences, but honestly when I’m doing it with a guy that just want something vanilla or much more on the side of ordinary, it seems that part of myself comes through in the strong desire to bring my partner pleasure.
Don’t get me wrong with is not an altruistic act, because I get pleasure out of their pleasure. But then again I’ve always been a person who liked to make people feel good, whether that was sexually or not, but then I’m also a contradiction in a way, as I’m a Sadist – and a Masochist, which I don’t think is super normal, but then I’ve never met another person who considers themselves to be both.
So yeah, I was thinking about sex and my past sexual exploits and what I did that gave my partner the most pleasure, well the guy. I’m going to stick with talking about the male persuasion in this post – mostly – because I realised recently that when it comes to females I want a relationship, but when it comes to males I’m up for either. Maybe it’s because I’m way picky when it comes to girls, or something. So when I find one I like I don’t want to let her go, just in the hopes of finding something a little better, that’s sort of vulgar in a way – I think I just called myself vulgar there…
So back to the point – or something like that. Apparently I’m good at what I’ve done, I’m not trying to brag and I’m not saying I’m an expert or earth shatteringly amazing, but so far I’ve had nothing but praise. However I thought to myself I can do better than this. I wanted to know how I could make my partner feel, so much better, so I did what anyone does when they want to learn, researched.
Ok at first I was like should I just watch porn, but then I’m no porn star and although I did contemplate getting into that sort of line of work – although I don’t think I could ever do porn, because I’m so shy – I decided I didn’t want to go done that route, because that can back fire.
So I went down a more literary route, starting with site done by males, because who know what a guy like when it come to his penis better than a guy right?
I didn’t really want to get any tips of the actually – heterosexual – act of sex – yes the word heterosexual was needed there, because homosexual sex is different and not just in mechanics – I mean everyone can improve and all that, but I wanted to up my job game and by that I mean my blow job and handy.
I actually found it strange how when you typed in the based search of ‘how to…’ how many sites came up that were written by females for females. Although there was one that was an extension – sort of thing – from a site primarily based for males, so I started there. It was interesting, but very lacking, all the information is had was stuff I already knew. I actually sometimes think I know more about the penis than I do about the vagina, which annoys me sometimes – I’m going to have to up my homosexual sex knowledge after I’m done with the hetero.
So after that lacking site, I went a tried the female written ones. They had a lot more, but the problem I have here is they had all that tips that seems super… singular and I was thinking would every guy really like that.
One of my previous partner liked me to massage his balls while I was giving him head and I never wanted to climax in me, he liked cumming on me, which was fun, but I don’t think every guy would always like that.
Although one site did suggest asking your guy to wank in front of you, so you can get an idea as to what he likes, which I thought was a brilliant idea. They also suggested blindfolding him while he does it, because some guys might be shy, plus you get the extra bonus of the whole heightened senses thing going on, so I’m all up for trying that one. And then of course nearly ever site I went to was warning about too dry and too fast handies, although one girl did question the too fast thing, because she assumed a guy would like it the same as he fucks, I mean her theories sound, but I think I get why guys might not, maybe I’ll ask my next one. Because I’m planning on have a very… active summer this year.
There were also some other tips to do with the anus area, but with some guys that a complete no go zone and then other it’s a ‘alright I’ll try’ and then some are just fine and dandy with it. So I feel it’s best to just straight up ask, although maybe in a round about way, if you think he’s not going to be into it, because that might be a huge turn-off and that’s no fun. I think communication is an important aspect of good sex, although I don’t think I’m one of those lucky – sons of bitches- that are just somehow naturally gifted with being about to find people’s g-spots straight away, so I talk and I like talking about sex, like I said I consider myself to be a sexual person, maybe it’s my openness on the subject that makes people think I want to have sex with them, when sometimes I don’t – hmm something to think about.
But any ways I’ve got a couple tricks to try next time I’m giving a handy, so think I’m going to have some fun with that. And with the hand job research over, I moved onto… the blow job. Now I think I’m pretty competent in that area, since the first time I gave someone head he blatantly told me he didn’t believe it was the first time I’d given head and I was good at it. To be honest I just follow my instinct on this one, although instinct may not be the right word, but it fits. I’m never really all in my head when it comes to sex or anything sexual I just follow the pleasure, which I think is s good thing. If you’re over thinking it you’re probably not going to be having half as good a time and odds are you’re partner ain’t going to be having the time of their lives either. So keeping things… relaxed and pleasurable are a must, I’m doing this because it feels good and because it makes them feel good, I’m not taking a test – you know what I’m trying to say. Sure you can think, but don’t over think, well that’s the way I go.
So back to the blow job. Reading through these sites, actually gave me an idea as to why I’m apparently good at giving head. For one thing I think the fact that I actually like giving head is one of the reasons. I know a lot of girls don’t, it’s sort of more a means to an end for them and I think maybe that can come across and just make it less enjoyable. Although that might just be me, if my partner’s not enjoying it, I sure ain’t going to be enjoying it as much. Hence the whole; ‘I like to get people off’.
Plus I have this thing about mouth, my own one included, although I don’t completely see it as a just sexual thing, although I’m not too sure… it’s just a thing. I don’t know how to better describe it, although the size of my mouth bothers me a little, because it’s not super big, probably average – people can always find something to complain about when it comes to size. Although I like my tongue and my teeth, but then I wants to bite people sometimes, because that kind of turns me on, sometimes. I guess I’m just kinky like that.
Any ways back to the sites, lots of them were similar to the handy tips, although different. Talking about asking the guy what he likes, again communication. It would be great if I could just magically know, but unfortunately I don’t so, let’s chat! But then you can just make that dirty talk, rather than a Q&A style thing – so not as fun.
There were also a couple tongue techniques that I’d like to try out, because they seem pretty basic things I can do, to just push him a little over the edge, although if I did them wrong, it could be potentially disastrous, and there was something about using teeth, but I don’t think I’m going to go there any time soon – teeth seem to be a hard one to do right.
But then when it comes down to actually using all this knew found knowledge, I might just apply a few tips, because like I said before, I don’t want to be all up in my head.
I think I’m going to leave it there for now. I did have some other stuff I was going to talk about, but now I’m feeling this was enough, perhaps another post.
So it’s 10 days until my birthday, alright I’m an adult. I mean legally I’ve been an adult for almost a year now and I can do everything in a large number of countries – you know smoke, drink, vote.
But I don’t feel like an adult, I still feel… well I don’t feel like a child either, sure next September, I’ll start paying proper bills and renting my own place, real adult like stuff, but isn’t there meant to be something that makes you feel adult like or something, I thought it would be a little different. But then again when I was a child and I mean a child, I never wanted to get to this point in my life, while my friends admired the adults and were wishing they could be all grown up, I was wishing I would never grow up, while my friends were chatting about the pros of being ‘an adult’ I was noticing all the cons, sure the pros are great and everything, but if I had the choice I’d spent the rest of my natural life reliving my childhood, well up until I hit the double digits that is.
I know that probably sounds all selfish, but I just don’t feel like I’m properly equipped the be adult like, I mean I pretty much know nothing, about living an adult life, sure I can probably imitate it, but inside I’m curled up in the corner, crying my eyes out and sometimes on the inside these days as well, I suppose I’m always going to be that way.
Any ways, I’m just getting all twisted up because I’ve got a whole bunch of work piling up, my plans aren’t working out the way I wanted – the best laid plans, right? – and I’m going to be another year older soon – you would think I was turning 60 the way I’m acting about it.
So my friends coming down next weekend, or at least that’s the plan at the moment. She wants to celebrate our birthdays, since her’s was yesterday and all that jazz. I got her this book, which I think she’ll appreciate; shag yourself slim and a couple small things. I did tell myself that I wasn’t going to celebrate my birthday this year, but it’s quite a few days before and since it’s reading/project week after that, I can still have the slightly depressing birthday I planned – I know planning myself a pity party, if that’s not sad what is? But I haven’t had a proper happy birthday for a while now, I mean I’ve had happy moments and all that jazz, although there was one year, where I thought my family had forgotten, but fortunately for myself they hadn’t.
I’ve been debating on and off recently if I want to stop going for casual relationships and actually have a – more or less – committed one. But there’s a whole bunch of pros and cons to both sides, so I’m still on the fence, as I am with most things I life. But I have met some nice people.
I met a couple new people, at the screening of American Psycho, that the psychology society here had this Friday, there was only five of us there, but it was nice all the same and we had an interesting chat, while we waited for the other people to arrive – and they never did arrive. Honestly I don’t think there’re going to ever get that many people, because it’s on a Friday night, everyone’s going out. I’ve sort of suspended my ‘going out’ because I want it to remain fun and interesting and what not and not become a mundane activity, as basically everyone I’ve talking to about it says it has for them. I don’t want to become one of those people that works all week and then spends all their wages on drinking the weekend away, it’s such a circular life and one I don’t want, so I’m not starting it now. I mean some people seem to come to university and just go crazy, like they’ve never gone out drinking or to clubs in their life, I don’t want to become that either. I know I’ll probably never do anything amazing, earth shatteringly great with my life, but I’ve got to give myself the chance or something along those lines – does that sound conceited? Because that wasn’t what I was going for, I think.
So it’s less than 3 weeks till Christmas and only a week (and a day) until I head home for the holidays. I can’t wait to get back home now, although I’ve still got 2 pieces of coursework to do and then I’ll probably get more for over the holidays and all that jazz. I like the fact that psychology is mainly coursework based – maybe that’s why it’s mainly girls doing psychology? But that coursework also includes in class test, which are basically like exams for me, but in more familiar setting and you’re closed to the person you’re sitting beside and a few other things, but I’m not especially great at tests, I mean I can cram for the small unit tests, I used to get in college and do alright and sometimes really well, but this isn’t really the same, it’s potentially everything we’ve learned – or meant to have learned so far. Fortunately that doesn’t include seminars, just lectures and I did get some practice this week, where we did a sort of practice test. But even through me and my friend – we were paired off – got the highest score in the group , I’m still not very confident in my doing all that well in the actually test – but oh well, what will be will be and all that.
So my housemate gave me chocolate today, as a Christmas present, which is totally stealing my idea, as I was going to buy some chocolate or something for the house this Monday, as a Christmas present, but now I feel like I have to buy them individual ones – ugh spending money. Christmas is really stealing all my – tiny – savings. I’ve got one of my brother’s his present and the father’s present, I’m not sure if I’m going to get his girlfriend a present – I might not have the money – and I’ve still got to get the other brother’s present, although I have no idea what to get him and he hasn’t given me a cue as to what he wants, I was talking to the father about it and he’s just giving him money to buy a fold up bicycle. Speaking of the father, he has decided that it would be a lovely idea to go to his girlfriends mother’s place for Christmas. And of course I have to go with them – yay – It’s the same as going to her brother’s I can’t say no – not really – because I’m sure he would go without me and that would be a depressing Christmas by myself – for the first time in my life, this is also the first time the family isn’t all together for Christmas. Fortunately I think it’ll only be until for about 3-4 days at the mother’s place – what do you call your father’s girlfriends mother? it’s not step-grandmother or anything like that they’re not married.
I’ve also got to get a secret Santa present and I was going to get this champagne, but they ran out of it, by the time I went back to get some, so I got her some perfume form the Body Shop – it’s super expensive there – and I’m also going to get her a chocolate orange an maybe something else that’s cheap.
Now this is sort of personal I suppose, but hey ho does it even matter. I think that my breasts have grown recently, but being the lazy person that I am I can’t be bother to measure them and find out. Although if they have I know the reason why, my fb, although I think I really pissed him off last weekend, by telling him I might meet him and then going out with some people instead and getting with someone else, he’s weirdly jealous all the time and way too clingy for me, if I wanted clingy I’d get a boyfriend/girlfriend. Although I’ve been thinking I might want to get into a ‘serious’ relationship recently, not too sure about all that though.
Quote/saying of the day: Every gift which is given, even though is be small, is in reality great, if it is given with affection. – Pindar