New pain, new pleasure…

Just another day in the life of the average girl and her newest ink… Continue reading

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The suns out and I’m out…

So it’s the beginning of my summer break and I feel like all my motivation to do anything really, is gone. Before I came home, I had a sort of plan for this summer, but I haven’t started doing anything – really – that I had planned.

When all you can think about is just running away from everything…

I did buy my brother’s birthday present and the stuff for my ritual. I also had a small get together last Sunday, with some of my friends, it was sort of an impromptu thing, since we’ve been trying to get together for weeks, but everyone was busy with work and revision and exams. So when on Sunday morning one of my friends said she had messed up her work schedule, so we decided it was a good idea to just meet up that evening and do some planning for Cornwall and day trip over the summer, but unfortunately we just ended up getting drunk and chatting about tit and tat, even though we did try doing some planning and then again in the morning. But it was really nice seeing them all again and all that jazz.

I also get my first vibrator this week, so that was… fun. I posted this whisper – for those of you that don’t know what whisper is, it’s an app – about it and I got 29 messages within the first minute of posting it, most of them were dirty in one way or another and then there was one that wanted to know about my buying experience, because their ‘friend’ wanted to get one.

So my buying experience, was alright a guess, I got one from Durex, because I more or less trust that company, since I didn’t want to get a crappy one, although it did set me back a pretty penny, but I think it more or less worth it. But there is so much out there, I didn’t know what to get, so I just got a simple basic one, since it’s my first one and all that jazz.

Since I bought all the supplies for my ritual on Sunday – even with the whole no banking thing, I’ve been hurt by that damn rule before – stuff has been arriving all week and one of the crystals I got came with a little booklet thing, about how to cleanse and energise and encode – I think they used a different word perhaps program – the crystal, so since I thought it would be a good idea to do all my crystals together and since one of them can’t be put in water or salt, I decided that I would use the herb method to remove negative energy, so I’ve buried 2 of my stones in sage and I’ll add the rest when they come. I don’t think I’m going to program them really, since I’m not sure right now what I want to… put into them, since I’m using them as representatives and what not.

I still haven’t found a job, but I applied to this site to be a website tester, well I applied to 2, but I can’t get one of them to work, because of a problem with my Java, so I’m going to ask the father about it, when he comes down at the weekend, to see if that can be fixed, but I applied to the other site so hopefully that will all go through fine, because they pay quite well apparently, and it looks like I’m not going to be able to get a ‘proper’ job this summer, so I’ve got some free time on my hands, apart from the ritual and the new exercise plan I’m trying to get into, because I want to get toned this summer and I’ve got 2 months – Including this one – to do it, because I’m going to Cornwall with the girls in 2 months, so I’m trying to get toned by then, I don’t think 2 months is an impossible goal, since I don’t have much else to do, apart from try and make a little money, oh and of course looking after the house, since the father is still trying to sell it, so there is going to be people round. I did want to do a whole bunch of things this summer, but the desire to save and lack of planning, leads to not much planned to do. Hopefully we’ll work that out, since we did stuff last summer and that was fun, although most of my friend have work planned – lucky ducks – although I’m not giving up on the work just yet, I’ve applied to a bunch more and hopefully will find something, since the perfect for me dog walking job went in a snap, just shows you should apply right away. But yeah I’m still looking, there’s just not really anything for someone like me.

My friend did say she would have a look to see if the place where she works will take me, but I’m not super hopeful, plus I don’t think I will be that good there or really like it, but if I can I will.

Quote/saying of the day: I always wonder why bird stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question. – Harun Yahya

I’m also planning on doing some writing this summer, since I’ve only written one thing – Angels for flesh – in a long time, maybe even a year now. I’m also hoping to enter some writing competitions.

Let me go down…

So this post is going to be dirt.

I mean I’m just saying it up front, so if you don’t think you want to know, or can’t handle it, or shouldn’t know/handle it, because I do believe in the idea that children are innocent, or at least should be and hopefully will have innocent childhood, and all that jazz, please stop reading now. Go read one of my other posts, or just leave my blog, I don’t completely mind.

Any ways so recently I’ve had sex on the brain, alright I’m going to just say it, I’ve been horny. But hey, I haven’t have sex in a while and for those of you that aren’t virgins any more – and although I’m not sure if it’s the same for men – good sex is almost worth souls – if that makes any sense. I mean it’s like that quote; “Sex is like oxygen, it’s only important when you’re not getting any” Although I think this applies to both gender, I’m not sure if this applies to everyone or virgins. I know when I was a virgin I wanted to have sex and I got horny and what not, but after I lost my virginity it was a whole different ball game.

Now on this blog, I don’t really talk about sex a lot – I don’t think – I mean I think I’ve brought it up from time to time, danced around with the subject a bit and possible teased a little, but this isn’t a blog about sex, this isn’t a documentation of my sexual exploits, because recently there haven’t been any – with other people, if you get where I’m going…

But like I said recently I’ve had sex on the brain and because you don’t know me – if you do, please forget this blog even exists – I’m going to say for the record, I love sex and I see myself as both a sexual and possible perverse – I think I’ve stated that in one of my past posts – depending on your way of think, person. But I love that about myself, although I have to admit I’ve always had a thing for… sin.

Although now I don’t really see it as sin, it’s normal for me, diffidently not normal for everyone else.

Any ways in a past post I’ve talking lightly on the subject of my S&M or BDSM preferences, but honestly when I’m doing it with a guy that just want something vanilla or much more on the side of ordinary, it seems that part of myself comes through in the strong desire to bring my partner pleasure.

Don’t get me wrong with is not an altruistic act, because I get pleasure out of their pleasure. But then again I’ve always been a person who liked to make people feel good, whether that was sexually or not, but then I’m also a contradiction in a way, as I’m a Sadist – and a Masochist, which I don’t think is super normal, but then I’ve never met another person who considers themselves to be both.

So yeah, I was thinking about sex and my past sexual exploits and what I did that gave my partner the most pleasure, well the guy. I’m going to stick with talking about the male persuasion in this post – mostly – because I realised recently that when it comes to females I want a relationship, but when it comes to males I’m up for either. Maybe it’s because I’m way picky when it comes to girls, or something. So when I find one I like I don’t want to let her go, just in the hopes of finding something a little better, that’s sort of vulgar in a way – I think I just called myself vulgar there…

So back to the point – or something like that. Apparently I’m good at what I’ve done, I’m not trying to brag and I’m not saying I’m an expert or earth shatteringly amazing, but so far I’ve had nothing but praise. However I thought to myself I can do better than this. I wanted to know how I could make my partner feel, so much better, so I did what anyone does when they want to learn, researched.

Ok at first I was like should I just watch porn, but then I’m no porn star and although I did contemplate getting into that sort of line of work – although I don’t think I could ever do porn, because I’m so shy – I decided I didn’t want to go done that route, because that can back fire.

So I went down a more literary route, starting with site done by males, because who know what a guy like when it come to his penis better than a guy right?

I didn’t really want to get any tips of the actually – heterosexual – act of sex – yes the word heterosexual was needed there, because homosexual sex is different and not just in mechanics – I mean everyone can improve and all that, but I wanted to up my job game and by that I mean my blow job and handy.

I actually found it strange how when you typed in the based search of ‘how to…’ how many sites came up that were written by females for females. Although there was one that was an extension – sort of thing – from a site primarily based for males, so I started there. It was interesting, but very lacking, all the information is had was stuff I already knew. I actually sometimes think I know more about the penis than I do about the vagina, which annoys me sometimes – I’m going to have to up my homosexual sex knowledge after I’m done with the hetero.

So after that lacking site, I went a tried the female written ones. They had a lot more, but the problem I have here is they had all that tips that seems super… singular and I was thinking would every guy really like that.

One of my previous partner liked me to massage his balls while I was giving him head and I never wanted to climax in me, he liked cumming on me, which was fun, but I don’t think every guy would always like that.

Although one site did suggest asking your guy to wank in front of you, so you can get an idea as to what he likes, which I thought was a brilliant idea. They also suggested blindfolding him while he does it, because some guys might be shy, plus you get the extra bonus of the whole heightened senses thing going on, so I’m all up for trying that one. And then of course nearly ever site I went to was warning about too dry and too fast handies, although one girl did question the too fast thing, because she assumed a guy would like it the same as he fucks, I mean her theories sound, but I think I get why guys might not, maybe I’ll ask my next one. Because I’m planning on have a very… active summer this year.

There were also some other tips to do with the anus area, but with some guys that a complete no go zone and then other it’s a ‘alright I’ll try’ and then some are just fine and dandy with it. So I feel it’s best to just straight up ask, although maybe in a round about way, if you think he’s not going to be into it, because that might be a huge turn-off and that’s no fun. I think communication is an important aspect of good sex, although I don’t think I’m one of those lucky – sons of bitches- that are just somehow naturally gifted with being about to find people’s g-spots straight away, so I talk and I like talking about sex, like I said I consider myself to be a sexual person, maybe it’s my openness on the subject that makes people think I want to have sex with them, when sometimes I don’t – hmm something to think about.

But any ways I’ve got a couple tricks to try next time I’m giving a handy, so think I’m going to have some fun with that. And with the hand job research over, I moved onto… the blow job. Now I think I’m pretty competent in that area, since the first time I gave someone head he blatantly told me he didn’t believe it was the first time I’d given head and I was good at it. To be honest I just follow my instinct on this one, although instinct may not be the right word, but it fits. I’m never really all in my head when it comes to sex or anything sexual I just follow the pleasure, which I think is s good thing. If you’re over thinking it you’re probably not going to be having half as good a time and odds are you’re partner ain’t going to be having the time of their lives either. So keeping things… relaxed and pleasurable are a must, I’m doing this because it feels good and because it makes them feel good, I’m not taking a test – you know what I’m trying to say. Sure you can think, but don’t over think, well that’s the way I go.

So back to the blow job. Reading through these sites, actually gave me an idea as to why I’m apparently good at giving head. For one thing I think the fact that I actually like giving head is one of the reasons. I know a lot of girls don’t, it’s sort of more a means to an end for them and I think maybe that can come across and just make it less enjoyable. Although that might just be me, if my partner’s not enjoying it, I sure ain’t going to be enjoying it as much. Hence the whole; ‘I like to get people off’.

Plus I have this thing about mouth, my own one included, although I don’t completely see it as a just sexual thing, although I’m not too sure… it’s just a thing. I don’t know how to better describe it, although the size of my mouth bothers me a little, because it’s not super big, probably average – people can always find something to complain about when it comes to size. Although I like my tongue and my teeth, but then I wants to bite people sometimes, because that kind of turns me on, sometimes. I guess I’m just kinky like that.

Any ways back to the sites, lots of them were similar to the handy tips, although different. Talking about asking the guy what he likes, again communication. It would be great if I could just magically know, but unfortunately I don’t so, let’s chat! But then you can just make that dirty talk, rather than a Q&A style thing – so not as fun.

There were also a couple tongue techniques that I’d like to try out, because they seem pretty basic things I can do, to just push him a little over the edge, although if I did them wrong, it could be potentially disastrous, and there was something about using teeth, but I don’t think I’m going to go there any time soon – teeth seem to be a hard one to do right.

But then when it comes down to actually using all this knew found knowledge, I might just apply a few tips, because like I said before, I don’t want to be all up in my head.

I think I’m going to leave it there for now. I did have some other stuff I was going to talk about, but now I’m feeling this was enough, perhaps another post.

I’m young so I can be wild, what’s your excuse?

So recently I got this app on my phone called whisper, it’s this thing where you post messages with picture backgrounds and the whole thing is anonymous, which if you’ve read some of my previous posts, you would know is something I like.

So any ways, I’ve been posting a couple things, secrets and questions and base thoughts and all that jazz. The app has this private message things, so you can message the person who posted a whisper and chat with them, the private message part does have a couple small bugs in it though, which is annoying. But any ways so my first post, I think I got like 10 replies in about 5 minuets or something ridiculous like that.

But Saturday night I was feeling a little down and out of it, as at least two of my house mates, had gone out, one to his sisters wedding for the weekend and the other just out with friends, I would have gone outside and looked who was out there, but they all sounded drunk and I wasn’t so I didn’t want to really hang out with them sober, so I whispered something about being alone and not wanting to be and this guy private messaged me. We got to talking and he invited me over to his place, at first I was really unsure as to whether or not I would go, but he seemed really nice and he wasn’t being all sleazy like most the guys I’ve so far chatted to on whisper and he was talking about how we could just be friends if I wanted to and just hang out, so he drove over and picked me up. Now at the time there were some people outside, I’m not sure who it was because I didn’t bother looking, as to the fact I kind of didn’t want to know, but I know it was a girl and a guy at least, as I could hear them talking from my room.

I’m sort of hoping that it wasn’t the guy that I kind of like and all that jazz. As I’m not too sure what they thought was going on.

Any ways, so we chatted for a bit and then headed back to his place, as it looked a little weird just sitting in the car and all that jazz. He lived right by the beach so you could see it from his window, although by the time we got to his place, it was around 2:30, so I couldn’t see anything, especially as I wasn’t wearing my glasses. So he made me a drink, rum and coke – me favourite at the moment, after from Garden of Eden, because that was delicious – and we sat on the sofa and chatted for a little while, before he asked me about whether or not I minded him smoking and I was kind surprised, but we had a nice little smoke together, before he asked the ‘big question’ about whether or not I found him attractive, at this point I had to make a snap decision and that lead to use making out on his sofa, which wasn’t super comfortable, it was this sort of green fake leather sofa. So we moved to the bedroom and …

It was fun and after he was really nice and all complimenting me and all that jazz, so that nice and then we just lay and chatted for a little while, before heading back into the other room for another drinks and a smoke, which sort of went to my head a little, as I could feel it going a bit… fuzzy and light with the cigarette, which was nice, so we chatted for a bit more, before he went to find out the time. Only to inform me it was 5 am, bed time or something like that, at least we went back to the bed.

So I had a couple more firsts that night/morning and only got about 2 hours sleep, before he woke me up for a good morning greeting woody style. But hey it was fun and the same with the first.

So after that I did sleep for an hour or to, until he got up and then I just couldn’t seem to go back to sleep, so I just sprawled out in his bed and lay here for an hour or something, listening to him go about his morning, until I couldn’t take it any more and got up. He gave me a lift back and said he’d like to see me again. And in the end I sent him my number later that day and he’s sent me a couple messages today, so at least he’s not one of those guys that feels he has to wait a certain amount of time before texting the girl, because I do have a time limit and then I just ignore them, unless I really like them that is.

I’m not too sure if anyone saw me doing the walk of shame or not that morning, since it wasn’t that early, so people could have been up and all that jazz. I don’t even know if my house mates knew I was gone, because she hasn’t said anything and the one downstairs doesn’t talk to me, so yeah he hasn’t said anything either, but she could just be respecting my privacy and all that jazz, which is nice of her.

So Sunday day was truly a day of rest, as I didn’t want to do anything all day, as I was achy, tired and ill, as I have somehow got fresher’s flu, even though I was trying to be careful and everything, but I suppose I probably got it from someone in my lectures, since there was always people coughing in that, disturbing everyone and now that’s me.

Although I got this free Menthol e-liquid, with the ones I ordered the other day and apparently Menthol is good for colds, although I’m not sure how true that is, but I don’t think it will hurt really. Although I may have given it to Mr G, but I did say I had fresher flu, before he came to pick me up, so he was duly warned, when we started that adventure.

Although he was telling me about the university, back when he went to it and I found it surprisingly interesting to see how it had changed.

So moving on I was so tired when I got up this morning, although I did go to bed at 10 last night, but I couldn’t sleep because my skin was reminiscing about the mornings activities. So I woke up still aching in a freezing room, as I had accidentally left my window open all night and it was poring it down outside and all I thought was ‘I really don’t want to get up right now’ but I had a 9 o’clock lecture, so I managed to drag myself out of bed at 7:15 and put on a whole bunch of layers and a coat, which I don’t really like very much, but I don’t have anything else really, because I still haven’t got my hoody back yet – I shouldn’t have given it to her in the first place and I keep meaning to send her a message or something, but by the time I get around to it, it’s late at night and I think that would be a little weird, so I keep waiting until the next day – it’s a bit of a circle – and since I don’t know where she lives I can’t go over and get it, or I would have done that by now. Although I did go and get my post from the next door neighbours.

So I’ve been thinking as one does now and then over the things I did with Mr G and I’m wondering whether or not I should go into town to get the morning after pill, because just like with the first – I feel like I should start calling him Mr first now – it was unprotected, which yeah I know is bad, but he did the whole pull out just before thing, but I was thinking better safe than sorry, right? So I was going to go in today, but then it was so miserable out and I was feeling so horrible, I just couldn’t. I could hardly drag myself to the first RAG meet and greet thing this afternoon, but I did go an found out more about the trips and the one to Machu Picchu seems pretty good, even if it is over £300 for the deposit to go, but I’m not sure when you have to pay the deposit by and all that jazz and fund-raising is hard, but it’s all for a good cause. I’ve also signed up for this food thing on Saturday, with some friends and since one of the societies that I’m part of, are trying to get together a team, I’ve said I’m interesting in being part of that team. The same friend that told me about this, also got me to agree to go to a Latin and salsa dance class tasted session, which actually seems good, but I’m not sure how much it’s going to be and if we’ll be given partners when we get there, or just partner up on our own or what not, since there might be more girls than boys and all that jazz, so have to see when it comes to it, but I’m completely bot against dancing with a girl as my partner.

Quote/saying of the day(s): I guess nothing puts a damper on a one-night stand as much as your friend pointing out all the opportunities where you might have been killed. – Mindy Kaling.