Packed, stacked and deleted… with a little aggression needed

So either I’m worse at maths than I thought – and I already admit I’m not good at it – or something else has happened.

I was doing my accounting, as one does on a Saturday afternoon and I realise that I have more money in my account than I can account for, so of course I’m a little worried and happy at the same time, because it could have just been a mis-transaction and the money could disappear, but also it could be that I spent less money than I thought this semester or I got more money than I thought this semester, but I’m hoping it’s one of the latter options, because of course not being as broke as I thought I was is a lovely surprise, plus I didn’t find out until now that my brother sent me £100 for my birthday, which I feel a little bad about now, because I didn’t say thank you, but I’ll just thank him tomorrow, as he’s coming to pick me up – yay I don’t have to try and fit all my washing in my tiny suitcase!

I’m a little annoyed at my favourite – right now – e-juice suppliers, because it would seem that they have stolen my money, as I got some juice from them on Monday and it should have arrived by yesterday, as they state that they ship within one working day and send it via first class postage, but it states that it is still pending, so I sent them a less angry than I actually am note, asking about what the hell is going on, hopefully they’ll get it sorted out, but unless they let me change the shipping address it won’t arrive until after I have left and I won’t get it until after the Easter break, as I won’t be here and all that jazz, but I’m hoping they will let me, since what happened wasn’t my fault and if they ad done it the way they said it would have arrived when I was here.

This isn’t the e-juice I was talking about BTW. But never know this product could be good.

So yeah, as well as sending angry, but still trying to be polite notes. I also somehow ended up clearing out my email, because I 900+ emails, that I either had never read and never would or just didn’t need any more and were just taking up space, now it’s more or less nice and neat. But going through old emails brought up some old memories, from high school and the many blow out ‘wars’ that my friends had I was somewhat too out of it to understand completely. Honestly those years are kind of foggy in my memory banks.

So yeah all that and packing, I’ve been having one hell of a crazy day – if you didn’t catch it that was sarcasm. But I’m just happy I’m going back home for the break, right now to care about much else. Looking forward to seeing my cats again and all or at least most of my friends from back home. Sure I like my new friends, but I want to keep close with my old ones, because we’ve been through a lot together – sort of – and well I think we have a potentially long lasting friendship, like the ones that you’re meant to build in university – I hope the friends I make here are for life, that could be nice, but who know what the future holds, for the likes of me?

Quote/saying of the day: A busy day is a happy day – Unknown

The next chapter… begins tomorrow

So I’m off to university tomorrow, although I don’t quite feel like I am. Now and then I get these bursts of anxiousness or excitement due to the change, but other than that today, has just been a day of making sure everything is ready to go and I still don’t feel like it is.

Maybe it’s because my room only looks slightly more bare than normal or something, when I feel like it should be stripped bare and only have the furniture and my bedding in it, so that I can sleep tonight. But to be honest I just looks a little less lived in, that’s all. I suppose I’m leaving quite a bit behind, as I don’t really need it in uni and I don’t want to take too much and clutter up my new room, although I feel like I’m taking a lot, but when again most of it is kitchen stuff and clothing and a girl needs her clothes.

I’ve still got tomorrow morning to sort the last few things out, such as my cd player and lamp and such things like that and then of course the toiletries that I will be using tomorrow morning will need to be packed up, but I’ve got a little wash bag ready for that and I’ve sorted out the clothes I’m wearing down there, something casual and comfortable, as I’ll be spending over 3 hours in the car and then just moving in for the rest of the day and meeting my house mates, so I think comfort is key.

I’ve also been chatting with my buddy and we’re getting along well, which is a relief, as now at least I’ll know one other person in my class when I get there and we seem to have quite a bit in common, so we’re on the same page and all that jazz. We’re sorting to meet up before our first session and find our way there together, which’ll be nice, because that way I won’t be lost and alone, I’ll be lost and with someone else, but I seems we’re both not that great at getting places without getting lost at least once or twice.

I also made the decision to get snapchat, to try and stay in touch with my friends a little more. Although I’ll probably be snap chatting them my new place the most in the coming week or so. But since my phone doesn’t have a front camera, I won’t be snap chatting selfies very often, because I haven’t perfecting taking my own photo like that and I’m not really into the whole taking a picture of your reflection, where you can see the camera and all that jazz, because most of the time it doesn’t look all that good. Speaking of reflections I’ve decided to take my full – well basically full – length mirror with me, but now I’m just hoping that there will be a place I can put it, but I’m thinking that the other girl living with me, might appreciate it a little as well, if we become friends, which I hope we do, since we’ll be living together for the next year – well maybe a little less than that, but the next academic year. I’m also a little apprehensive about who the last person I’m going to be living with is, because I know who two of them are, but I can’t see the last one, so I’m sort of hoping they’re a girl, even though that will mean that it’ll be three girls living with one guy, but I think I’ll be less tempted to drunkenly make out with them or worse if they’re a girl – I think. Plus I think it’ll be fun doing the girly stuff I don’t really do and all that jazz, but I don’t mind them being a guy either, I just think if I had a choice in the matter I would choose girl, at least I think I would, but I suppose I’ll find out tomorrow, as I’m hoping that my house mates will be there or at least one of them will be there, by the time I arrive, because I don’t think I want to be the first one to arrive, although I don’t even know if we’ll all the arriving on the same day or not, but I think it would make sense if we did.

I suppose all will be revealed tomorrow. And I can’t have a bad an arrival as one of friends did. She got food poisoning and throw up in front of all her flatmates, basically as soon as she arrived, but other than that and having to miss out on some partying, because she had to stay in bed, it sounds like she’s having a hell of a time and fortunately her flatmates seem nice enough and didn’t guide her on that one event. So I hope my house mates are nice like that, although I don’t plan on throwing up in front of them, but with the amount of drinking that people do in freshers week who knows what might happen, but I’m going to try and not spend too much money, I’ve worked how much I’ve got for each week and I’ve got a little in my account, as I won’t be getting my loan until Monday, so I have to survive the weekend with only the money in my account right now, which isn’t anything really, so I’m hoping the drinks aren’t too expensive and I’m taking some alcohol down with me, which might make me a little more popular with my house mates or earn me a reputation as a bit of alcoholic. But either way I can sort of use it as an ice breaker, but I’m going to force myself to hang out in the shared areas, although maybe not the bathroom, the kitchen and living room seem like a better option here.

Quote/saying of the day:Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. – Marilyn Monroe

Losing logic in the waiting game…

So I went out with the girls yesterday and saw that film ‘If I stay’, which I think was quite good, although all my friends seem to think that there should have been a different – long – ending, but I’m on the fence about that. The one it has leaves to the imagination a little, which is nice, rather than having everything spelt out for you.

After hanging around the city a little, doing a little shopping for university, we headed back to mine, to meet another friend. But by the time we settle down to watch films and drink, I was exhausted, I’m not sure why, maybe because I had my appointment with my counsellor and it was quite an emotional one – since she was really digging around in the nitty gritty stuff and I told her about my weekend – or maybe because I’m all anxious about the fact that mother nature has yet come to say ‘hello’, although I’m trying not to think about that, at least until the end of the week, then I think it’s alright to freak out and all that jazz, but I’m hoping I’m just stressing over nothing. If not that I’m going to have to tell the father and go see the doctor, which I’m sure will just be bags of fun, I don’t know if I’ll tell the guy though, it’s not like I would keep it, so I don’t think I really have to, although he might end up hearing it through my friend, because I’ll probably end up telling her – you know us girls we tell each other everything, well nearly everything.

So to keep my mind off the topic, I might start doing some packing today, although I’m not to sure where to start, maybe with my clothing, but every time I think about packing my clothes, I go out or something an end up taking my my clothes out to decide what I’m going to wear, so the packing just doesn’t happen, but now I’m thinking I won’t be going out as much next week and although I’ve got some stuff planned for this weekend, I can just not pack the things I think I might wear then and pack other things. I’ve still got to get a couple things, but I think I’ll either get them this weekend or on Monday, so all that’s good.

So recently I realised that I have a strange sort of logical way of doing things. It’s like I don’t want to get hurt or hurt other people, but I don’t want to regret not doing things, since I wouldn’t rather regret doing it, than not doing it. But I seem to be making myself do something that I am regretting, but I don’t know how to fix that, or maybe I don’t know how to fix it without there being an outcome that could hurt me and possibly someone else. But since I have a strange way of seeing nearly all the outcomes – in a way – I know that there is one where both parties could end up not getting hurt, alright there’s quite a few, but right now it seems those couple were one or both of us gets hurt seem to be the thing holding me back, because despite my efforts I have formed an attachment to them, but I have a feeling that comes with the territory.

It’s just a little weird for me, because I don’t usually have such a problem letting go, especially someone who I don’t know that well, so this is all a little new and weird to me, but I thinking that I might just get over it with time, hopefully.

So my new phone came today. I got it free with a new pay monthly contract, since before I was on pay as you go, but the father insisted that a contract would be better for university, so in the end I got it. So I spent a while moving all my stuff from one phone to the other and then arranging for the number to be changed from the old one to the new one, because I don’t want to have to learn a new number, it took me something like 3 years to learn the one I’ve got now, given I wasn’t really all that bothered about learning it in the first place, but after I had had it for such a long time, I thought it would be a good idea to learn it, so I did. They say it’ll take 24 hours, so I’m not too sure which phone I should be using tomorrow, although I think it’ll be obvious if the number has been moved and all that jazz.

I also pulled a bunch of my clothes out of the closet to pick out outfits for tomorrow, I decide on something for the meal with the friend, but I’m not too sure about what I’m going to wear to go out with the girl in the evening, because I don’t really want to wear any of the dresses I have at the moment, so maybe I’ll see if I can borrow something from someone or something like that, but then again, I might just dress down a little and go with a skirt or shorts instead of the usual dress, we’ll see on the night I suppose.

Quote/saying of the day: A feeling of sadness and longing that is not akin to pain and resembles sorrow only as the mist resembles the rain. -Henry Wadsworth.

So I heard this recently. Interesting have these girls team up, I mean I’m not much of an Ariana Grande fan to be honest, I liked the song she did with Mika, although he looked a little… off in the video. But other than that I don’t think I’ve heard a song by her that I liked. I’m sort of on the fence about this song though, in a way I do like it, but then in a way I don’t. I don’t think I’m going to be rushing to add it to my music collection, but if it’s on the radio or what not I’ll probably listen to it.

I’ve been reading this book lately, well re-reading it. It’s quite an old one really, 1989. But I was feeling nostalgic recently, so I decided to read it. It’s ‘In the Kingdom of the Carpet Dragon’ and is about a princess and her pet dragon and these adventures they have during her birthday celebrations. It’s a children’s book, so I’m getting through it like nothing, but it brings back memories. Even when I know what’s going to happen I still like re-reading books and re-watching film and all that jazz. I always seem to end up watching films twice, even ones that I may not have liked very much, I’m not completely sure why, but yeah I just do.

I’m still not sure which books I’m going to take with me when I go, because I don’t want to take too many, since I don’t really see myself doing very much reading, but I want to have a selection and all that jazz.

To jump from a plane without knowing if I have a parachute on…

So today was results day. That nerve racking day that a large number of people, including nearly everyone I know, wish would never arrive and then it does and it’s all over or rather all beginning.

I was meant to wake up early and head into the city to get my results and that’s not what I did, I woke up early looked at the clock, turned over and went back to sleep, allowing myself to momentarily forget it was results day, but not for long, but for long enough for me to miss my bus. So I went online and spent a few annoying minutes battling with my own mind to remember my login details, before confusing myself over where to look for my results and when finally I found them, I just stared. I could hardly believe it, I check and I didn’t get the grades to get into my chosen universities, so I cried a little and then went on facebook to congratulate my friends on their personal achievements, the A’s and B’s slapping me in the face and making me wish the ground would just swallow me whole.ll

Then the father came in, asking about what my results were and if I wanted a lift in. It was horrible having to tell him I hadn’t got the grades, so he did what he does, question me – or rather interrogate me on what I was going to do now, go through clearing, do a third year. I didn’t want to even think about doing a third year, so clearing it was.

So just for something to do and to keep myself from bursting into tears, I logged into my email and what was sitting there an email from UCAS and under that an email from Bournemouth university, both congratulating me on getting into BU. It was like… jumping out of a plane and thinking you didn’t have a parachute, but finding out you actually did just in time, to open it and not come smashing down to earth.

So after taking a moment or a hundred to let in sink in. I thought yay, now I can relax a little, not so, today was a slightly hectic bustle of student accounts and applying for accommodation, which apparently I was meant to do weeks ago – oh dear – but I still got a room in a small house, with a think 3 other people. You had to fill out with little profile, which the other residents would be able to see, age name and they asked for a short statement, which I declined to give – although I wasn’t the only one. So I’ll be spending the next year living with a 18 year old girl who apparently likes to socialize, a 30 year old guy, who I know nothing else about and a mysterious person, because they wouldn’t let me see the profile on them, but that doesn’t really matter, as long as they are nice and all that jazz. I thought it was best to go for a smaller house, less people to the number to showers and other facilities and also the other smaller places only had one person confirmed and I thought it best to know a little about the people I’ll be living with and all that jazz, than live with complete mysteries – although one of them will be, for some unknown reason. I also signed up for the buddy program they have, so apparently I’ll be getting a buddy and they have a pizza, bring your buddy night, were you get free pizza, now I’m always up for free stuff, so I’m hoping my buddy is nice, so we can go to that and get free food – yay freeness!

So after everything was sorted, me and the father headed into town, because we had some errands to run and since we were already in the city, we ate out and went to see Guardians of the Galaxy, which I can honestly say I like. – This may contain spoilers! – The plant at the end was cute, although that bit didn’t really surprise me. But I’m wondering if they really will continue to make more films, since I think this one went down well, so I don’t see why not.

So along with a little accounting and some payments that need to be made, tomorrow will be filled with packing and working out and things to that nature, since I’m heading down to Cornwall this weekend and I’ve sort of let myself go to seed, so to speak. I know one day won’t make the biggest of differences, although one day of only eating 2 meals and no snacking, can drop my weight by about 2 stone, but still, one day of healthiness won’t change that much, but I’m still going to try,since I’m hoping for sunshine so I can get my bikini out, before the summer ends – and the work begins. And even if it does rain I might be that one insane girl that wanders around in short shorts and a bikini top like she isn’t shivering in the cold wind and doesn’t have goosebumps all over her arms and can still feel her toes and fingers – although that does be a slightly desperate and almost completely insane move, but what can I say, I’m a little insane, as my therapists will one day most likely tell me, in her over polite way, with her big eyes staring at me, in that slightly creepy ‘I never blink’, way that they do.

And when I get back in 6 days or so, the brother is coming back, but before that the Grandparents have come over – from Jamaica – to see all their lovely grandchildren and children and all that jazz. So yeah the house will be bustling and I’ll be trying to pack for University and sort out all the things I’ll be needing – pots and pans and mugs and cup and all that domestic jazz. Oh the joy.

Quotes/sayings of the day: All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

Those who expect moments of change to be comfortable and free of conflict have not learned their history. ~Joan Wallach Scott

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet. ~Stanislaw Lec

Alright so today I put a triad of sayings/quotes of the day, because I couldn’t choose one that I liked the most, so look over all three and perhaps they will make you wiser…

So I’ve liked Gabrielle Aplin since I first heard her song, ‘Please don’t say you love me’ and this song is lovely – in it’s our right – so there it is.