The fish look for a moment of silence.

So I considered telling someone today. Telling them about all the shit that I went through back then and the reason why I’m so closed off, but then I watched their face change and the sadness set in, the anger and pity. The pressure built and then the depression set in, so I didn’t I just kept my mouth shut and played the happiness game. The I’m a completely normal young female act I set myself up for everyday. It’s not like I’m really abnormal, I’m just not exactly normal in the sense of the majority normal for my friends. I know I can’t actually predict how someone is going to react, to much of a degree of accuracy, but I can have a good guess and most of the reactions I come up with, don’t turn out too well on my end or on theirs. I know there are some people that would take it with leaps and bounds and others that might take it as a joke – although it’s far from.

Any ways. So today was a simple day not much out of ordinary, although unfortunately it did rain – I’ve had enough of the stuff, if it has to be anything wet falling from the sky, made it crystalline snow! Although I didn’t really get caught in it not properly.

I also got myself so new shoes, because the old boots were falling apart literally, I stuck the sole back to the bottom, with some chewing gum, when I was out, because I really didn’t want it to drop off and have to walk around with no sole. But the new shoes had a bit of heel on them, which is getting a little annoying, as I have to trudge up and down – sometimes not up – a hill everyday. It’s alright my feet can take it, but still it’s getting to me a little, but I don’t have any other winter shoes, so I have to wear these or get wet feet… So I choose to wear them.

I was thinking about planning a party, but I realised that I can’t. This weekend would probably be too short notice and next weekend is my friends birthday, so it might be a little rude to have a party on her birthday and all that jazz and then the weekend after that I can’t and then the weekend after that is my birthday weekend and then the weekend after that is my other friends birthday weekend and I’m not sure if she’s doing anything for my birthday, like a party or meal or what not. So I’ve given up, as much as I want to just get pissed and be happy, I can’t, because I don’t like drinking alone, it’s dull and makes me depressed. So no party as of yet, although maybe I work around something and still have it. I just want something to sort of look forward to in the near future. I know I should be so near sighted, but what the hell, I’ve been having a hard time with some stuff – as per usually, why is there always something? – and I want something to make me feel better. Although it would be a lot better if I found a muse and could write again. I’ve been trying on and off, but so part no joy. I hope this doesn’t last, because I don’t know what I will do, probably spend all my money on some stupid therapy, which doesn’t work in the end and leaves me broke and homeless or something horrible like that – I’m being a little cynical¬†aren’t I?

Quote/saying of the day: There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls – George Carlin

The complex medium of a social love affair…

So it’s still raining, as it has been all week – oh the wonders of nature – everywhere is getting flooded around me, but somehow the buses seem to be still running, god knows how, their getting through the floods, but as long as their running so am I. I feel like I have to try, but it seems that a bunch of people with that attitude are getting stuck away from home and there’s trying then there’s getting stranded and I’m not going to do that, just to learn about the Hegemonic model.

Although I did learn about the ‘warrior gene’ recently, also know as MAOA(-L). It’s the gene that contributes towards someone being aggressive or/and a psychopath. Although just having the gene doesn’t make you one, there have to be other factors in you life as well.

Wasn’t that interesting?

I’m not the biggest fan of the rain, because I’m more into wearing summery clothing, I suppose. Although the rain has yet to stop me from doing my own thing, no matter what others think of me. I’m not going to change, just because some people think I’m a little strange. If I did that, then I would be a completely different person right now.

Alright so I’m meant to be doing something slightly meaningful and productive in this period of time, but instead I’m blogging, god I’m so into procrastinating right no. I know, I know I should be. I should get down and do some work and I will, just not today, tomorrow or this weekend, or perhaps next week – you can’t blame a girl for her short attention span, that leads to her getting bored quickly (perhaps that’s why I’m single for valentines day). Although it always seems to end up like this, but what the hell? I might not be able to go out, even if I did have someone to go to, because I might be flooded in. It seems that that is a problems for a couple I know, but I’m sure they’ll work it out.

Any ways off of the somewhat saddening subject of v-day and onto a similar one. It seems that misunderstands and mis-connections have happened in my absence – alright it wasn’t because I wasn’t there, just I wasn’t there. But it seems that these had painted something in a rather shady light and now people are beginning to think badly of that person. It’s hard to tell someone there in a relationship, when they’re in denial about it, but seeing the people in question today, I couldn’t help, but agree with others, the two where in a relationship and where either in denial or where doing a superbly bad job of hiding it from others, blatant ‘sexual harassment’ – as my friend likes to rather to it as – or more accurately public displays of affection, scream we’re together guys, because I know she couldn’t handle ‘friends with benefits’ she’s just not that type of person – no judgement promise.

So I’ve got a little bit stuck into the Vampire Academy series, although the books aren’t particularly aimed at my age – or maybe a little bit – I still like them. Although I’m pretty much in love with vampires, full stop. So yeah… there’s that. I’ve been thinking of this plot about vampires and other mystical creatures and I did start writing it, but now I can’t find that bit I started, so don’t know where that’s going. Although I’m still not giving up on ‘Going steady’, which really isn’t going anywhere. I need a muse or something to motivate/inspire me. But with my luck at the moment, that won’t be happening any time soon.

Here’s a little music:

I liked this song since I first heard it, but due to there being so many different translations, I’m not too sure which one is correct, but I like this one and the singer is actually pretty good, unlike in some of the other fan dubbed ones – what someone has to say it sometime. But I also like the original, although I can’t understand it, but I’m a little weird like that, I like listening to music even if I have no idea what the person is saying. Not all the time, but sometimes when I find a song I really quite like – such as this one – I like to listen to it in it’s original state and the singer of this, is quite big – I do believe.

Quote/saying of the day: Maybe I’m just too fucking complicated for anyone to love – Unknown.