In the crystal ball I see only me…

Recently I’ve been contemplating reconsidering my future. It’s not that I’m having a break through in life, or that I’ve had something spectacular life changing happen to me, like someone close to me dying, or me nearly dying etc, but that’s not the point. I’m slowly edging closer to a point in my life when I’m going to have to make the decision, who am I going to be and well as much as I wish I could just be everything, do everything and go everywhere, that’s not going to happen, but I can be someone, do something and go somewhere, which is better than nothing, isn’t it?

But then I feel like I’m growing old to fast and I still want to be young, naive and utterly insane. Not care what happens and just be spontaneous. I know you can do all that and be all that when you’re older as well, but somehow I had this idea of my life being a party and then me just slotting into that job that I love and me just settling down, but then there was that other fantasy, where I never grew older than 29. But I know that’s just the fantasy – for now!

So any ways I’ve decided – sort of – what I’m going to do for my birthday this time around. Now last time it was a small house party, but I thinking this year something bigger would be better, although I was just going to have a massive party. I’m now thinking I might just go to Ireland instead, but then I still want to have a massive party and invite all those people that I won’t normally invite to a party at my place, due to one reason or another.

On a darker side, I’m breaking it off with my guy. I’ve decided I’m not really getting anything out of the relationship and I’m not really that into him, plus he’s a little bit creepy, but I stayed with him because he was sweet and nice, so I thought I’d try going for a ‘nice guy’, but he was just creepy nice. Like I could imagine him standing outside my window at night – if he knew where I lived.