The prep before the storm…

Just another day in the life of the average university student, who’s better late than never… Continue reading

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The suns out and I’m out…

So it’s the beginning of my summer break and I feel like all my motivation to do anything really, is gone. Before I came home, I had a sort of plan for this summer, but I haven’t started doing anything – really – that I had planned.

When all you can think about is just running away from everything…

I did buy my brother’s birthday present and the stuff for my ritual. I also had a small get together last Sunday, with some of my friends, it was sort of an impromptu thing, since we’ve been trying to get together for weeks, but everyone was busy with work and revision and exams. So when on Sunday morning one of my friends said she had messed up her work schedule, so we decided it was a good idea to just meet up that evening and do some planning for Cornwall and day trip over the summer, but unfortunately we just ended up getting drunk and chatting about tit and tat, even though we did try doing some planning and then again in the morning. But it was really nice seeing them all again and all that jazz.

I also get my first vibrator this week, so that was… fun. I posted this whisper – for those of you that don’t know what whisper is, it’s an app – about it and I got 29 messages within the first minute of posting it, most of them were dirty in one way or another and then there was one that wanted to know about my buying experience, because their ‘friend’ wanted to get one.

So my buying experience, was alright a guess, I got one from Durex, because I more or less trust that company, since I didn’t want to get a crappy one, although it did set me back a pretty penny, but I think it more or less worth it. But there is so much out there, I didn’t know what to get, so I just got a simple basic one, since it’s my first one and all that jazz.

Since I bought all the supplies for my ritual on Sunday – even with the whole no banking thing, I’ve been hurt by that damn rule before – stuff has been arriving all week and one of the crystals I got came with a little booklet thing, about how to cleanse and energise and encode – I think they used a different word perhaps program – the crystal, so since I thought it would be a good idea to do all my crystals together and since one of them can’t be put in water or salt, I decided that I would use the herb method to remove negative energy, so I’ve buried 2 of my stones in sage and I’ll add the rest when they come. I don’t think I’m going to program them really, since I’m not sure right now what I want to… put into them, since I’m using them as representatives and what not.

I still haven’t found a job, but I applied to this site to be a website tester, well I applied to 2, but I can’t get one of them to work, because of a problem with my Java, so I’m going to ask the father about it, when he comes down at the weekend, to see if that can be fixed, but I applied to the other site so hopefully that will all go through fine, because they pay quite well apparently, and it looks like I’m not going to be able to get a ‘proper’ job this summer, so I’ve got some free time on my hands, apart from the ritual and the new exercise plan I’m trying to get into, because I want to get toned this summer and I’ve got 2 months – Including this one – to do it, because I’m going to Cornwall with the girls in 2 months, so I’m trying to get toned by then, I don’t think 2 months is an impossible goal, since I don’t have much else to do, apart from try and make a little money, oh and of course looking after the house, since the father is still trying to sell it, so there is going to be people round. I did want to do a whole bunch of things this summer, but the desire to save and lack of planning, leads to not much planned to do. Hopefully we’ll work that out, since we did stuff last summer and that was fun, although most of my friend have work planned – lucky ducks – although I’m not giving up on the work just yet, I’ve applied to a bunch more and hopefully will find something, since the perfect for me dog walking job went in a snap, just shows you should apply right away. But yeah I’m still looking, there’s just not really anything for someone like me.

My friend did say she would have a look to see if the place where she works will take me, but I’m not super hopeful, plus I don’t think I will be that good there or really like it, but if I can I will.

Quote/saying of the day: I always wonder why bird stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question. – Harun Yahya

I’m also planning on doing some writing this summer, since I’ve only written one thing – Angels for flesh – in a long time, maybe even a year now. I’m also hoping to enter some writing competitions.

Eat the worm and cheer up the friends…

So I’m going back into counselling. Well I was sort of in counselling before, but honestly nothing came of it, but I’m giving it a second shot. Due to the bus times, I’ve got some time to kill in the morning, because as the father pointed out, it’s better to turn up early than late, because I’m not completely sure where I’m going, even though I google mapped it today, because the directions they sent me didn’t make sense to me, probably because I don’t really know the place every well and all that jazz.

After a bit of deliberating, I decided that shopping would be a good way to pass the time and since wandering around by oneself came be dull, I invited the friends, but I’m going to have to ditch them for a while to go to the session, although I think I’ll be the first one in and all that, due to the nocturnal nature of some of them. I usual go a little nocturnal during my holidays and sometimes even just on the weekends, but I’ve got to get up early tomorrow, so I’m hoping that saying about the ‘early bird’ is true.

A bunch of us are meant to be meeting, going shopping and then back to a friends place for Chinese and booze. Which will be interesting, because one of the girls that is coming gets a little off her head when she eats Chinese and she’s a light weight to boot, so yeah will be an interesting and we might see her rather annoying alter ego Candy, who is American.

So my Wednesday is pretty full, which is wonderful as far as I’m concerned, but other than that no other plans until the weekend, when we’re going out on the Saturday, with a friend I haven’t seen in a while and have dearly missed. So it’ll be wonderful to see him again, we were meant to be going away together, but he backed out, because his Grandfather was dying, but we’re having this night as a cheer up, although I think he’s handling it very well, better than I ever did, at least.

So afar taking a hardly more than a glance at myself in the mirror, I have decided that I’m getting too much of my ‘fat’ back and I’m going to start working out again, so I started out slow today, with just about an hour gentle exercise – yay the endorphin rush, that didn’t really last very long.

Quote/saying of the day: To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves. – Federico García Lorca

Have you guys seen the newly released Fifty shades of Grey trailer? Well if you haven’t then watch away and honestly there are so many comments if you don’t like Fifty shades, then why watch the try for it?

I watched this one with a review at the end and the woman that was reviewing it, out right said she hadn’t read the book, this is a film of a book, read and damn book or at least try and read it. People like that just rub me up the wrong way. I’ve read all three, as you would know if you read some of my previous posts and I didn’t like them very much, but I can ‘understand’ why some people do, just like with Twilight, I really do like it, but I can understand why some people do, although I couldn’t get through the first book of that series, but I managed to get to the end of the series of this one – yay and all that jazz.

Jumping up and down in the hopes the fat will fall out…

So I’ve dyed my hair and although it’s not as vibrant as I would have liked, it’s still good. Although I wasn’t completely expecting it to be that vibrant on my dark and over already dyed hair. I only did the end blue, which although is blue, has a green tinge to it as well and also looks a black flecked blue in low light, but I sort of like that about it, in a way. Makes it more unique or something like that.

So any ways me and a couple of friends were looking into going away this summer, unfortunately it looks like we won’t be going abroad, because they can’t afford it, which is quite saddening. I suggested going camping, which would probably be cheaper, but then there’s a problem with the cars and all that jazz, since we can use my fathers car in the UK, but not outside of the UK. So it looks like camping in the UK, probably Cornwall, like we did last years, which was fun and it’s meant to be great weather this summer, which I am looking forward to. Yay for the sunshine. And even if we do end up camping in the UK, I’m still heading off to Jamaica this year, to go see the family and enjoy and delights of that wonderful country. Plus I might book a couple days by the beach, because the family lives in-land, so we would have to drive quite a way to the beach and they just might make me go to church, which isn’t to bad because it’s Jamaican church, which it a lot better and more fun that English church – I’m talking about Christianity here BTW.

So I’m still on my diet, although I don’t think I’m losing any weight, but I think I have lost some fat. As I’ve added exercise to my daily routine, I think that I might be building muscle and – fingers crossed – losing fat, so I’m not losing any weight, but I am thinning or less fat. Which I’m happy about, since I don’t really want to lose weight I just want to lose fat, and since muscle weighs more than fat, I won’t mind if my weight went up for that reason. Although this could just be wishful thinking on my part and the diet could not be working for me, since it doesn’t restrict how much you eat, just what you eat, which is one of the nice things about it.

Quote/saying of the day: If nature had intended our skeletons to be visible it would have put them on the outside of our bodies. ~Elmer Rice

Let’s talk about my newly reformed desire to self mutilate…

Right so… I seem to be starting a lot of paragraphs with so. But any ways. I’ve been thinking about getting my ears pierced, I mean the upper part of my ear, which I did learn the name of and then properly forgot. I’m already had my lobes done, but ear piercing is quite expensive to save on money, I’ve been looking into doing it myself. Now I’m not super keen on the needle and ice method, so I was looking into getting my own gun, but then that seems a ikle bit dangerous – espically in my hands – but then I found this plastic things, that seem to be a good idea for me.

So that’s what it looks like. You just squeeze your ear between the two parts and there you go pierced. The only think is, I was looking at earring for piercing in that area of the ear and I noticed that they looked bigger that standard earrings. Now I’m not sure if that is just because of the computer screen or the photo or what not, but there is always the possibility that they are and don’t want to pierce it with this tiny hole, then have to push a huge earring through it later, so I’m going to buy each and compare and if it is bigger, then I will have to work something out, like piercing my ear, then taking the piercing out and putting the bigger one in, but I don’t want to do that in case of infection and I imagine it will hurt, as it will probably be fiddly trying to get the second earring in, but hey ho and all that jazz.

Yes so now I’ve gone and got myself a pair of hoop earrings, some ear care after care solution and a cute blue one time use ear piercing gun, with which I am going to pierce my ears this weekend or at least the end of this week, because that’s when they arrive, Wednesday or Thursday.

So I was thinking – there goes the so again – about taking some pictures of my hair and popping them into this post, but then it got to well now and I just can’t be bothered, since I’m really tired from the day, as we did Easter today instead of tomorrow and I’m not feeling well, but I still pushed myself to do my usual exercise routine, which was a mistake, but we live and learn and all that jazz. So I’ll take some pictures tomorrow and post them some time this weekend or maybe the beginning of next, when I have the time and can be bothered and remember to basically. Because I might be going out Tuesday-Wednesday and I’m diffidently going out Monday night, so I don’t know when I’ll have the time and all that jazz, but I’ll find some.

Oh and also I’ve decided what I want to get as a tattoo. I’ve been thinking about this for about the past 7 to 8 years and now I think I know what I want. I wanted to make sure that I would like it for as long as I live and not just get something on the spur of the moment and now I’ve made a decision. I always thought people that got tattoos on the spur of the moment were a little silly. I mean it’s all cool and everything to get a tattoo of your favourite bands logo, but what about if in maybe 20 years you realise that actually that band sucks, because you ever just a silly youngest with no sense of music, sure there are going to be some people that have great music sense, even when they’re young and will still love the same bands when they’re old and grey, but that’s not everyone now is it. I want my tat to mean something more and I’m not doing it because I think it’s cool or anything like that, I’m doing it because I think it’s… beautiful and dedicated and I’m real interesting in the tradition of tattoos, although that’s another thing really. Maybe those weren’t the right words, but they were what I came up with, then trying to describe the feelings I have for tats. So any ways I’ve decided to get Latin writing and a butterfly, since butterflies have been a fascination of mine since I was old enough to understand what a butterfly was and also I fit in with the writing and meaning behind the writing as well. Normally I would put what I wanted, but I’m tired and don’t want to have to go into explaining it, so I’m not going to.

To the eating of myself

Eating health is hard. I mean having to eat at set times is difficult for someone like me, that tends to end up skipping meals and just eats when the urge hits me – most of the time. But I think that calorie counting isn’t enough to loose weight. It’s not like I’m trying to loose that much, but I want it gone, because it’s annoying me and making me feel bad about my image. We need to love ourselves and I find that a lot easier when I feel beautiful and I think that being a size smaller will help with that, not that I want to become really skinny. No way there is nice skinny and then there is disgusting skinny. Sorry all those out there that are like this, but I think when you can see someone’s bones clearly through their skin, so it looks like their skin is just draped over their bones, nothing else there – like a skeleton with a sheet placed over it – then that’s just way too far. I mean I haven’t even been that skinny – I don’t think – but I didn’t used to be able to fit my hand under my ribcage, but that was during a time, when I was not really eating anything, not because I thought I was fat and wanted to be skinnier or anything, I just was never hungry, so I didn’t eat and when I did eat then it was only a small bit, I think my body was sort of eating itself and I started eating normally, but now that I don’t really do much exercise regularly and I’m not really eating healthy I gained some weight, so back to the health lifestyle.

But I’ve been looking around the internet for ideas about what is best to start out and it seems like it’s going to be a dumpy ride, but I just hope it’s worth the effort and the money, because I think it might be a little bit more expensive than what I’m paying to eat now, but I haven’t really checked that out.

There are quite a few sites that say they can help you shed those unwanted pounds, so I’m going to try the free ones, because I don’t want to waste money and since they have lots of members and a good support system – as far as I can see – I just might be able to do this.

Although the eating at the same time, might not be as hard after a while – hopefully – and since I have relatively structured days, which might help with the timing and all that jazz – yay to losing weight in moderation.

So I was looking at all these sites and I found out that most diets actually don’t work, because they put your body it’s something which everyone is calling ‘starvation mode‘ which is just what it says on the tin. Your body thinking your starving, so turns more of what you eat into fat, so that it can eat that later, when you need to – I know thinking of your body eating itself is kind of disgusting, but honestly what do you think happens when got burn fat. Any ways so I think my body is in this starvation mode at the moment, so I’m hoping that with the help of many different resources at my disposal I will be able to turn it back to fat burning/eating mode – yay to the fat eating and the dropping of unwanted weight.

So after weeks of deliberation, I’ve decided to fuck other people’s emotional needs – just for this one event – and just go ahead with it. If people can’t handle each other I shouldn’t have to spend my time rushing between them and having to make the hard choices about who to stay friends with. So I’ve created a facebook event for my birthday party – yay for the day I was born – it’s sort of nice though, a weight off my shoulder – maybe I should go weight myself I might be pounds lighter now! Sure I would love it if everyone came, but I have a feeling that that will not happen – sigh – but as the song goes, what will be will be…

And I going to be ok with that, as long as this doesn’t get blown out of proportion and end up with me in a heap on the floor.

Quote/saying of the day: Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend. – Albert Camus