And so she became a heart breaker…

So apparently I’ve become something of a heart breaker.

Weird I never really thought this would happened, maybe because the sort of guys I used to date didn’t really put their hearts into it, so I couldn’t break them, but then that was how I liked it, since I didn’t put my heart into it either, not really.

So one of my friends from ‘back home’ – meaning not a new university friend – came down over the weekend, well she came down on Saturday and left on Sunday, so she only came for an evening and a morning really, but like a one night stand. It was nice to see her again, as it felt like ages since we had talking, since quite a lot has happened to me since we last properly spoke, with the big move and meeting Mr G and all that jazz. But honestly it hasn’t been that long, although I wish she could have stayed longer, but I might go home for reading week and we’ll see each other over the Christmas break and she said she was going to drag me – kicking and screaming if she has to – to Christmas parties with her and her boyfriends friend group, which is the one with the first in it – I think I gave him a name didn’t I…? Oh well he’s back to being the first again. Speaking of him, he’s one of the reasons why I have been called a heart breaker and – in jest – a home wrecker, but I think she was thinking heart breaker when she said that, because to start with he wasn’t involved in any way, when we got together.

Any ways got a little side tracked here, so we were doing what girls do when they get together after a long time of not seeing each other and have bought themselves quite a bit of alcohol – which we didn’t finish, so I still have some of it – we had a good and surprisingly long girl talk, which basically covered my new exploits, earning me the name sex monkey for a short amount of time and her relationship, which is going really well, although she obviously worried about next year, when she goes off to university and he… actually I’m not too sure what his plans are, but it seems that they are making plans to be with each other and I know she wants to stay with him. And then the subject of the first came up and apparently I did a number on him, now this coming from her could just be hyped up a little and since she was drunk, it probably wasn’t quite how she said it was, but basically, after our night together, he felt so ‘lonely’ that he got back together with his ex, just for someone to ‘be with’ and then promptly broke back up with her, now I feel sorry for her, because apparently she was really in love with him, but their relationship got really nasty near the end. And they go to the same university, although not the same course, since that could get really awkward. But that’s the reason she wants to drag me, potentially kicking and screaming to Christmas parties that he’ll be at. Don’t get me wrong I would like to see him again, but that could be really awkward, although I think I might just get a little drunk before hand and then everything will be fine, because I’ll be so happy and drunk that I honestly won’t care.

So any ways after girl talk and dinner, we headed outside to smoke her cigarettes, I feel bad because I’m always bumming smokes off of other people, as I don’t buy my own, for one I have no idea which brand I like, because I just take what I can get. I know I liked the roll up she used to get, but when you’re on a night out and drunk, you don’t really want to be fiddling with roll ups, unless I suppose I could pre-roll and bunch and then put them in a little containing like straights.

But any ways while we were outside, one of the people who are always outside drunk came over and started chatting to us. Now I kind of knew him, I mean we’d met and hung out before and everything and he’s always trying to get people into his house for pre-drinks for some reason. But any ways since by this point I was slightly – almost completely – plastered and with a light buzz from the cigarette, since I find they do that do me. I started to talk rather loudly about Mr G, referring to him as my F-buddy. I then went on to divulge that I couldn’t really completely remember what his name was. I’m not sure if he’s gone on to tell anyone else this, but if he has then my house mate will most diffidently hear about it and I’m not too sure if she’ll ask about it, like to confirm it or something.

I have an idea what his name is, but I’m not sure if it right and I’ve been to see him again. We sat and watched 300 – the newer one with the girl from the Casino Royal (Bond) in it – among other things.

I’m not sure how weird it would be if I asked him his name the next time I see him, which won’t be for another 5-7 days since mother nature has come to say hi again, which I’m super happy about, since I’m also I little irresponsible and thought that I was pregnant, but I’m on the pill now, so that will be the last scare – for a while at least. I’m not stupid just passionate I sweat and not a great role model for safe sex, I know all the things, I had the classes and all that jazz, it’s just yeah… Well no need to worry about that any more. Or maybe I will be seeing him sooner, some guys don’t mind, we’ll see. I mean it’s meant to be good for you, like it’s mean to help with the pains and make it shorter although because of the pill, this could potentially be my last one for a while, because that came be a side effect. I suppose I’m glade, but at the same time it has been nice to have that big red sign that I’m not pregnant and all that jazz.

Fortunately the red river didn’t turn up until Sunday, so I didn’t have to deal with it until then. Although it did make he consider leaving my friend, who got a little bit too drunk, throw up and then passed out in the bathroom, leaving me outside thinking she might choke to death on her own vomit and go see Mr G. I did get her into the bed in the end and left a tub by her head, in case she threw up in the night, but in the end I ended up passing out in the bed beside her and left Mr G hanging, but now I’m not too sure what he thinks our relationship is, I just us to be friends with benefits, but I’m not too sure if he wants something more, since he hints that he wants to hang out with him during the day or as my friend called it ‘date time’ and he seems to get really insecure, such as asking about if I’m with other people and stuff, which I haven’t been since we met, but it’s not like I won’t be in the future, because I don’t want to be his girlfriend.

I know that might seem a little weird, again the girl wants a friendly physical relationship and the guy wants romantic relationship, but hey ho the world ain’t like all those romantic films want us to think it is.

Or perhaps I just have a more male point of view on love and sex and all that jazz.

So this evening instead of doing work, which is what I should have been doing this evening, I have been searching the internet for flavoured cigarettes, I found a whole bunch of sites that sell them but they won’t ship to the UK, so I might ask my friend about getting her friend to send them to me, after looking into why they won’t ship to the UK, I know you can buy flavoured paper over here, but I’d rather buy straights and you can get this one brand, but it really expensive and I’d rather get this one called Kiss, which apparently is or was based in the UK, which makes me wonder why no one is sell it over here and all that jazz, maybe I’m just looking in the wrong places or something.

Quote/saying of the day: People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel – Maya Angelou

Secret option number C…

Alright guys, I have a ground breaking idea; why don’t we just stop being unhappy and start being happy?

Sometimes there’s this little part of me that just wants to slap people.

But any ways today was a normal day in the span of days that pass by almost unnoticed, by those of us that aren’t constantly fighting to stay alive – moment of silence to thank whatever god/goddess/gods/goddesses, you believe in (no judgement right now). Speaking of a moment of silence it is Remembrance day today. Now I’m not that big on remembrance day, well not as big as some people. I have the moment of silence and I respect the ideals it is up holding, but I think it was just the way I was raised and also I sort of feel slightly bad making a big deal out of it and then also nearly equals as bad for not making a big deal out of it – I’m conflicted.

Any ways so today I went in late, or rather later. And when I met up with my friends something had happened. Now I’m a little shaky on the details, but from what I can get from people, it seems that they were having a little discussion and they decided that because they didn’t know him well enough, they were going to exclude my friends boyfriend from secret Santa, as they didn’t think they could get him a nice gift. But this apparently made her storm off in a big upset. I’m not too sure as to who actually said what and what not, but the group is in agreement and it wasn’t just her boyfriend that was excluded some of people were as well, because they weren’t around and all that jazz, although on a side note I wasn’t around as well and now I have no idea what to get the person I got, so I’m a little stumped, because I want to get them something they will like, but I have not idea what! Any ways, so my friend is now mad at everyone, even me, who I must say had no part in any of this and well I’m a little pissed about that and some other stuff, but hey-ho, maybe she was having a bad day or something, you just can’t tell. Well I hope that everything gets worked out, soon. Because I really don’t want a stupid argument to start because of this.

Also my friend is now having a Dr Who party thing, on the same night that my friend is having her decades party. I think it was meant to be because some of my friends don’t like her that much – old stuff – and she invited them, I think she was trying to be nice and mend bridges sort of thing, but they didn’t seem to want to go, well one of them did. She seemed damn excited about it, but the others didn’t and well since I’m still friends with her I’m going to go, but I feel bad about not going to the Dr Who party, although I did say I would go to the decades party first, so I feel obligated to go to that one, way more than the other. Although I might have to find another way home and also it kind of feels like the old not ultimatums ultimatums that used to happen and I used to pick secret options number C. But then this time I guess I’m taking option number A and letting the chips fall where they may, sort of thing. I’m tired of the mind games and all that not so jazzy jazz – not that I’m saying that my friends play mind games, more like that people do, in general. Although I’m most certain that some of them have no idea that that’s what they’re doing, because it’s basically second nature – get what I’m trying to say?

So on wards. My brother has been off at the army base for a week or so now and he’s starting ringing the last couple of nights, which was nice to hear from him, but apparently, he’s not allowed to walk around the place without an escort and for the first 4 weeks he’s not allowed into the wreck-room, so he’s missing this TV show we used to watch together, Agents of shield – I’m sure someone has heard of it, but yeah I tend to watch some of that genre. But it seems that he’s having a hard time, as apparently he has to walk around in these huge, heavy military boots, which make your feet stink, so yeah, I’ll leave that to the imagination, but it seems like he’s making friends – the only place in the world were someone like him would make friends instantly 😉 (felt like the smiley face was needed, although I don’t usually use them).

So I’m planning to go to the sea side, or a rural village and I was talking to my friends about it and one of them was talking about it as if I had gone insane or something. It’s not that weird to want to go to the seaside in November is it? – in England! But I want to take picture and all that jazz. Since I want to get more use out of my camera and that sort of thing, since the film for my polaroid runs out at the end of the year and I’m not sure what will happen when it does expire, because I know that some of the older brands can give you interesting effects when their expired, but this is the new stuff, so I have no idea what’s going to happen and I would like to be able to get my moneys worth for it. But I don’t want to waste it, so I’m trying to find I really nice place, that is scenic, but not going to be calling with people and also not be a ghost town, which is harder than you might think, or easier – despite popular belief I cannot read minds over the internet.

So I’ve sort of taken a step back from Beethoven, although that doesn’t stop his music from filling my mind and stopping me from concentrating, but it seems that I’m just not a good enough pianist to be able to play him right. So I’ve taken my hat off and dropped my sword in the conceding on my inadequacies, but I can still play the first half, slightly! But then I keep finding all these songs that I would love to be able to play and I think maybe I should take back up one of my fallen instruments and see if I can rekindle my fire for one of them, but then I’ve always wanted to learn to play the violin, but it’s one of those ones that doesn’t sound good when you don’t know what you doing, I mean really sounds horrible at time, when with others, it can just sound… off and not completely ear bleeding.

I love both these guys. Lindsey Stirling is really amazing and so are the Pentatonix(s) ENJOY!

It would be wild if I could play this on the piano, or the violin like Lindsey Stirling.