New day, New Year, New decade…

So it’s been who knows how long since the last time I posted. But it’s a new year and why not?

So last year – very near the end of it – I started talking to this guy. We met on a dating app, for people who are into certain things – BDSM – and he was one of the few people that contacted me on that app that actually treated me like a human being, so I actually wanted to talk to him.

From his profile picture, I wasn’t super attracted to him, but pictures can make people look different than they do in real life and honestly if someone has a personality that I’m attracted to, I don’t need them to be super duper physically attractive – from my perspective of what’s physically attractive.

Always… we had been chatting for a week or so, off the app – texting. He seemed nice, at first, but then things started to change. I couldn’t pin point the moment they did, but his attitude changed quite quickly. I tried to make it clear from the beginning where my lines were and he responded nicely enough, but then moments to hours later he would try and push them again and I don’t mean like gently nudging to see were my real limits are or something. I mean full on crossing over my lines, even after I’d stated that that wasn’t ok. To be honestly it wasn’t anything that would particular hurt me – since he whole thing was done over text. Along with this behaviour came other not so nice behaviour. He became quite passive aggressive and when I didn’t want to do something he wanted he would try and guilt trip me into doing things. This ended up with me just ignoring him for a while, because I didn’t want to be nasty to him, but I also didn’t want to have to deal with his guilt trips, especially not around Christmas! After then silences from me, he’d come back at me with apologies and the like, but they were still dripping with this ‘feel sorry for me vibe’ that started to really annoy me.

Anyways, so I keep giving me more chance to how me something about his personality that I could like, or like more of the guy I had chatted with to begin with. But he was gone.

In the end I got sick of it and just ghosted him.

I should say as well as my phone number he had my snap, so when I stopped replying via text, he moved onto sending me snaps. Which I also ignored, until he told me goodbye, then I looked at them, because why not? The same stuff was in them. After he had seen that I’d read the snaps he sent more – actually got quite weird – that culminated in him telling me he was going to block me and I thought ‘why the hell are you telling me this?’

I have not idea if he actually did block me, or if he was trying to get a rise out of me or something, but I jus removed him then and there, because I didn’t want to deal with his shit – it’s actually the sort of tactic that my ex used to use of me and it probably pissed me off more, because of that.

So I think I’m off dating again for a while, not that I was really looking in the first place, right now I’m trying to focus on myself and my future and just trying to sort my life out. So I don’t think I have the mental energy to deal with dating. I’m not cutting it out of my life, I’m just not going to be actively looking for someone. As weird as it feels, I don’t think I want someone as much as I have in the past. There’s that part of me, but the other things I my life are taking up all the space.

Everyone keeps asking me what I want to do with my life – career wise anyways – and I have no idea. I hate the job I’m working at now, mainly because my boss spends most of the time they see me, screaming at me and when I ask how to do things right, or just how to do them, they shout at me. It’s weird, like they won’t teach me how to do things, they just expect me to know, so that’s frustrating. Also maybe because I have next to know idea what’s going on half the time – maybe because my boss refused to tell me things and would go out of their way not to speak to me – but there is hardly any work to actually get done. I know some people would think sitting around an office doing nothing all day would be great, but it’s really not something that I find great. When I’m at work I want to work. Maybe that’s weird, but that’s how I feel.

I’m constantly trying to find work for myself, but most of the time me and the other office worker – three people have quit since I started, so there is now only the 2 of us – just keep all the work we can find till the end of the day or when the boss’s come in, so that we look busy.

I’m hoping that the new year will bring new job vacancies. Plus I’m one step closer to getting my driving license – which I should have gotten ages ago, but was stupid about it – by passing my theory test the other day. I think I was at a good standard to driving the last time I took lessons, but it has been a couple months, so I’m taking some more before going for my practical test. I was thinking about intensive courses, but I’m not sure how much time I need behind the wheel before I’m ready.

Jump in the Middle, spit Blood on the floor…

Just another week in the life of the average University Graduate… Continue reading

2017 Now has to be better Than 2016…

So I just found out that they released the official name for the new legend of Zelda game, which is set to release next year – well there’s a little lack of consensus on when it’s going to be released, … Continue reading

Yesterdays news

Alright so yesterday I went down to Cardiff, as my friend wanted to go somewhere shopping and so we decided that Cardiff was the place to go. So off to Cardiff we went.

She was looking for some onesiesĀ  for our friends birthdays. She was trying to find a monkey one and a rabbit one, but in the end she didn’t find the bunny one and only got the monkey one. I did a little shopping myself and got myself this cute new skirt and shorts, as well as a new top that said ‘Anarchy, rock n roll’, which all these block colours behind it. Along with some new pyjamas, as I’ve been needing some new ones for a while, especially long trouser ones, as the ones I have at the moment are all shorts and as it’s getting cold there not really the best thing to the wearing.

It was also a little weird, when we went into Primark, to look for a coat for my friend. We spent about 5 minuets looking for the mirrors in the men’s section, they hide the mirror behind a strange wall thing, at one corner of the level – there were 4 levels to the Primark. I also got myself some new converses. As the ones I have right now are slowly falling apart, although I didn’t expect them to last all that long. But I like to get white ones and paint them, so that I can be really creative with them, but it most of the time I can’t think of what to put on them and end up just putting something kind of basic on there instead.

We ended up staying until dinner, so we were all going to get sushi, but one of my friend that came was vegetarian and we weren’t sure if they had a vegetarian options, so we ended up at Spudulike, which we all agreed was the best choice, as the spuds were delicious and we had fun trying to pile all our drink cups on top of each other.

So onto today: It was a pretty basic day, although I had to go to the dentist – ergh – I really don’t like the dentist, because they ALWAYS find something they want to work on. And I’ve been trying really hard to keep my teeth nice this past year, so that just annoys me even more – but what can you do?

But at the end of the day I headed over to my friends place, with a couple other friends, to watch some chicks hatch. They were so cute and although wet from being inside the egg, they dried off really quick in the incubator and were all fluffy in no time. Although while using this weird torch thing to see if there was a chick growing in the egg, my friend accidentally dropped one egg and the top cracked, so we had to throw it into the field next door, as it would have become infected and then would have infected the rest of the eggs and they all would have died. But my friend was telling me that those chicks were a rare colour and that they were probably the only chick of that colouring of that breed in the country, so they were pretty rare and expensive chicks and I got to hold one. It was cheeping away, as the incubator was really warm and I think my hands were a little cold for it, so I had to pop it back into the incubator quite quickly, but it was watching us through the glass, as we watched it’s brother/sister hatch out. It was sort of weird, as when they first get out on the shell, their necks aren’t ‘hard’, so it was curling it’s neck at a weird angle and apparently if they don’t straighten their necks out themselves, then you have to straighten their necks out for them, which was kind of gross to hear about, but it was really fun going over.

Although my friend was half demanding alcohol to wash away the guilt of killing a chick – by accident – so in the end we shared a bottle, but he got a little drunk and was scream, when we got into the back on my friends van to go – since it had two seats, we all just climbed into the back and sat there, because he had taken the cage out so we could.