The days that were away…

So this is basically a week in the life of the average university student… on holiday… Continue reading

The suns out and I’m out…

So it’s the beginning of my summer break and I feel like all my motivation to do anything really, is gone. Before I came home, I had a sort of plan for this summer, but I haven’t started doing anything – really – that I had planned.

When all you can think about is just running away from everything…

I did buy my brother’s birthday present and the stuff for my ritual. I also had a small get together last Sunday, with some of my friends, it was sort of an impromptu thing, since we’ve been trying to get together for weeks, but everyone was busy with work and revision and exams. So when on Sunday morning one of my friends said she had messed up her work schedule, so we decided it was a good idea to just meet up that evening and do some planning for Cornwall and day trip over the summer, but unfortunately we just ended up getting drunk and chatting about tit and tat, even though we did try doing some planning and then again in the morning. But it was really nice seeing them all again and all that jazz.

I also get my first vibrator this week, so that was… fun. I posted this whisper – for those of you that don’t know what whisper is, it’s an app – about it and I got 29 messages within the first minute of posting it, most of them were dirty in one way or another and then there was one that wanted to know about my buying experience, because their ‘friend’ wanted to get one.

So my buying experience, was alright a guess, I got one from Durex, because I more or less trust that company, since I didn’t want to get a crappy one, although it did set me back a pretty penny, but I think it more or less worth it. But there is so much out there, I didn’t know what to get, so I just got a simple basic one, since it’s my first one and all that jazz.

Since I bought all the supplies for my ritual on Sunday – even with the whole no banking thing, I’ve been hurt by that damn rule before – stuff has been arriving all week and one of the crystals I got came with a little booklet thing, about how to cleanse and energise and encode – I think they used a different word perhaps program – the crystal, so since I thought it would be a good idea to do all my crystals together and since one of them can’t be put in water or salt, I decided that I would use the herb method to remove negative energy, so I’ve buried 2 of my stones in sage and I’ll add the rest when they come. I don’t think I’m going to program them really, since I’m not sure right now what I want to… put into them, since I’m using them as representatives and what not.

I still haven’t found a job, but I applied to this site to be a website tester, well I applied to 2, but I can’t get one of them to work, because of a problem with my Java, so I’m going to ask the father about it, when he comes down at the weekend, to see if that can be fixed, but I applied to the other site so hopefully that will all go through fine, because they pay quite well apparently, and it looks like I’m not going to be able to get a ‘proper’ job this summer, so I’ve got some free time on my hands, apart from the ritual and the new exercise plan I’m trying to get into, because I want to get toned this summer and I’ve got 2 months – Including this one – to do it, because I’m going to Cornwall with the girls in 2 months, so I’m trying to get toned by then, I don’t think 2 months is an impossible goal, since I don’t have much else to do, apart from try and make a little money, oh and of course looking after the house, since the father is still trying to sell it, so there is going to be people round. I did want to do a whole bunch of things this summer, but the desire to save and lack of planning, leads to not much planned to do. Hopefully we’ll work that out, since we did stuff last summer and that was fun, although most of my friend have work planned – lucky ducks – although I’m not giving up on the work just yet, I’ve applied to a bunch more and hopefully will find something, since the perfect for me dog walking job went in a snap, just shows you should apply right away. But yeah I’m still looking, there’s just not really anything for someone like me.

My friend did say she would have a look to see if the place where she works will take me, but I’m not super hopeful, plus I don’t think I will be that good there or really like it, but if I can I will.

Quote/saying of the day: I always wonder why bird stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question. – Harun Yahya

I’m also planning on doing some writing this summer, since I’ve only written one thing – Angels for flesh – in a long time, maybe even a year now. I’m also hoping to enter some writing competitions.

Finding a hammer to make a dent in my desire…

So yesterday was my friends birthday and he invited me and some other people to go for Japanese food with him, at a restaurant down – quite a way down – the road. Unfortunately one of our mutual friend couldn’t make it because she spent all her money on going to Asylum 14 this weekend. Honestly I’ve never really fan girl-ed enough over something, to want to spent thousands of pounds on it, but she really loves supernatural, so yeah…

Any ways, I’ve never had Japanese food before, so it was a new experience for me and I really enjoyed it, I tried octopus for the first time, in these balls that I can’t remember the name of right now and that was good and I learned – more or less- how to eat rice with chopsticks. I think I did quite well considering I’m not particularly good with chopsticks.

Any ways so after walking back to his place we hung out there for a while, with a friend of one of my other friends that lives in the same house and found out the cheapest ways to fly to Europe right now, which just made me want to go travelling even more and I worked out that I would have to save £7000-9000 for the next two years if I want to go to all the places I want to go to, plus any little trips I might plan. because I think that might be a good idea. So all this money is going to have to come from somewhere, hence my continued job search, now I’m thinking about trying pet sitting, because I found one that pays £13-30, so I’m going to look into that and some other places, plus I’m still doing the survey and product testing now and hopefully that will work out, although history is against me, I’m also thinking about trying to sell my University notes and what not on this website I’ve found, I mean after I’m finished my exams and what not, so that I can just go though everything and make some nice ones and hopefully make a little off of that, I mean ever little bit gets me closer, so I won’t be turning down money at any point, however I worked out I’m probably going to spend £300+ this summer, if everything goes as planned, so I need to make at least £600 to be really making a profit here, but I’ve got 3-4 months to this and then also look for a job here to do and I’m thinking about trying to see if there is any vacancies in the post office, because my friend worked there for a while and said that it was horrible soul sucking work, but it paid well, so I see abut that.,

Any ways, so my friends parents came down, well they were on their way to Cornwall and thought it would be nice to drop in on his birthday to give him his presents.

Then once they had left we watched Divergent, we were going to watch Insurgent, but he hadn’t see Divergent and I’m a bit of a stickler about watching things in order, I refuse to start watching a series even 1 or two episodes in, which is why I ended up not watching the second season of shield and still haven’t got round to that, then one of our friends made dinner, which was delicious, but because I tend to eat small portions these days, by half way through desert I started to feel a little sick, so I had to stop to my regret, because she made banana desert, which apparently was meant to be harder, but came out a little like soup, although it was still tasty, just didn’t look as good as it could have.

And after dinner we played Zelda Monopoly, because that was one of the presents he got – making me mighty jealous, because I love Zelda. By the end of the game it was 3:30 in the morning and me and one other of our friends, were the only ones still in the game, in the end I lost to her because I kept landing on her properties with Deku trees on – or in normal Monopoly, hotels. But it was a fun game and the way they did it was nice, although it did remind me that I can’t get the new Zelda game, because I don’t have a wii-U and with my lack of money I don’t think I’ll be getting one any time soon, unless I ask for it for Christmas and nothing else, although it might no even be out by then, since it’s been pushed back and all. Although there is the new(ish) Majora’s mask for 3ds.

I did get the original version on the wii, but I never really got into it. The time limit for me, made it harder to get into I think, but then again now I can only play it when I go home, but if I got it on 3ds I could play it whenever – maybe I be able to get into it more, if I was using it to procrastinate.

So yesterday confirmed a fear I’ve had for a while now, the problem with my eye has come back and I’m not sure who I go to about it, since I used to get to the hospital back home, so I’m going to try and get an appointment with the GP here and see if he can give me something for it, because the meds I had last time worked well and got rid of it – well sort of did – so I’m hoping I can get all this over and done with before my next test, which is Monday, well I’ve got one tomorrow as well, but I can’t get an appointment until tomorrow, so yeah…

These past days just seem to have to been unlucky ones for me, my eye problem came back, my ebay account got suspended and I’m seriously stressing about exams (etc). Maybe all the stress drought the eye problem back faster or something I dunno.

Quote/saying of the day: I was always lucky in my bad luck -Bohumil Hrabal

If I headed for the hills would you come with me?

So I’ve sort of worked it out with my friends, honestly it wasn’t that hard, because they’re modern people and can put stuff aside and move on, which I’m not sure if is a good or bad thing in the long run, but I suppose right now that doesn’t matter too much.

My new atomizer arrived today, so I’ve been vaping on that all day and I have to say that it is amazing compared to my old ones, you can really taste the e-juice, plus with the istick the old atomisers had a habit of spitting hot juice at me and breaking quickly, so I’m really glade it arrived today, because my throat can’t take any more boiling liquid being splashed on it. I know why don’t I just stop for a while? Well I’m not too sure, I suppose I’m a little hooked or something – and I’m not even vaping the stuff with nicotine.

I’ve been looking into festivals to go to over the summer, since I think my dreams of going abroad with my friends are dashed, not that I’m going to stop trying and what not, but I’m looking for fun things to do, just in case that doesn’t work out, plus it seems that everyone is making summer plans, bar me, so I want to do something. I am not just going to lazy around all summer, I’ve got about 4 months off, because of freshers and my exams finishing so early and what not, so I’m going to try and make the most of it, even if that means I can’t do it with my friends like I would have liked.

Sure I’m far to scared to go travelling abroad by myself, mainly because I’m not the luckiest person or the most cautious person in the world, which when you add being in the country where you don’t know the language or anyone or anything, can be dangerous combination and I’m quite a shy and timid person in strange, wonderful and new places, so I might not have as good a time, plus it could be really lonely and how wants to feel lonely?

And then there’s travelling alone as a woman – I know that’s sort of sexist or whatever – but I feel like in some places it’s not the best idea.

But I have to believe in my… faith I guess you would call it, why not faith in the universe. It’s this idea or theory or idea based on a religious idea/ideal, that if you want something bad enough the whole universe conspires to help make it happen, that’s not to say that you don’t have to try and universe does not do things for you, it just helps. Because in my own potentially twisted way I do believe in destiny and although I may never be prime minister or leader of the free world or whatever, I hope I’m going to live forever. I know wishful, slightly delusional thinking, but hey ho I’m slightly delusional and I like to daydream, well I’ve know that about myself for a long time and there is the possibility – although I’m ready to give in to it yet – that a daydreaming is all I am. I suppose in the grand scheme of things it’s not the worst life to live and perhaps one day I’ll write a book based on it and that’s how I’m gain my immortality.

So me and the friends went to Nando’s for dinner – yay Nando’s so exciting! – but it was a bit of an ego boost for me, because there was this table of guys that was checking me out and I’m in pretty boring cloths today, just my rock and roll top and blue jeans, nothing special. I don’t need other to validate my beauty or whatever, but I do appreciate.

After all the Chicken or beans in my case, because I wanted to know how they were going to put my beans in the burger and of course it was just like how you could expect, but I did get this cool can of iced tea – it’s a little sad how much I like the can my tea came in, but oh well. I went round to my friend place to finish off the pudding we bought yesterday and we were going to watch Big Bang Theory, but in the end we just started talking about travelling and Japanese culture and culture in general and how Western/English people are really becoming more and more egocentric and how we think children shouldn’t have so much technology all the time and all that jazz.

Your Travel Personality Is: The Adventurer

For you, travel is how you learn about the world. And you like to learn the stuff that’s not in guidebooks.
You truly have wanderlust. When you’re not traveling, you’re dreaming about where you’ll go next.
And your travels are truly legendary – they leave you with stories you’ll be telling for the rest of your life!

Quote/saying of the day: The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. – Lao Tzu

I’m not a vegetarian, but I can’t just live on meat…

So I’m back in the homestead for my Easter break, while other I know seem to be off to more exotic places, making me wish I was more of saver and had the money to travel – the world. But hey ho, it’s nice to see the cats again, although the father seems to want to get rid of them, when he moves. I would take them to university with me, but I’m pretty sure the flat I’m moving into doesn’t allow such pets, maybe goldfish, but not cats, but I’ll check when I get back.

So I haven’t really been up to much the last couple days, apart from chatting with the brother, hanging with the cats and cooking dinner for the family, although I did have to go shopping because there was literally no vegetables in the house and hardly any of anything else, apart from meat and fish.

I keep meaning to get other stuff done, like do my other brother’s birthday present, since he said he’d be done here at some point, over the next 3 weeks, so I’ve got to finish it before then and of course I’m got to finish putting together and buying the last parts for my other friends birthday present, I meant to get the last bits when I went shopping, but I completely forgot – as I usually do. And of course I’ve got to re-do my finances, because at the moment I’m not too sure how much money I have and all that jazz.

I’ve been trying to sort of some meeting up with my friends here, most of them are quite busy, but it looks like we’re going to go shopping with Thursday and we’ve set a date to try putting up the tent, we’re meant to be using for Cornwall this year, on Monday and we might go out next Thursday, but unlike me I think most of them only have 2 weeks off, while I have 3.

Quote/saying of the day: Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning. – Gloria Steinem

To being self-centric… and not suicidal

So Christmas is over and we’re into a new year.

Usually when I enter into a new year, I get this impending sense of – for lack of a better word – doom. Like I haven’t done what I should/could/wanted to do that past year and so my life is going to be a disaster. But this year not so much, maybe because I started university, so that’s a major step towards something… or maybe because I started being me. Alright that might sound weird or whatever, but honest for about 7-9 years of my life, I have tried to be someone other than myself. There wasn’t really someone in particular that I wanted to be, I just didn’t want to be me, honestly that’s where the suicidal tendencies stem from, I think. Although I sort of still have an odd suicidal moment, so there’s probably more to that. If I continued going to therapy and stopped lying to my therapist, I think I’d probably find out what all that’s about, but I’ve be analysing myself since I was about 6 or maybe 7 – I’m not very good with time, or dates or anything or that sort, I think that’s why I find it so easy to get lost down the rabbit hole, as some people refer to it as.

Buy honestly I don’t want to die, actually I want to live forever and I do sometimes tell people that, at which point they either laugh or give me ‘I think you’re completely insane’ look, but I’m ok with that, because one way or another I’m going to live forever.

But yeah… onwards. So this year I haven’t really made new years resolutions, because well I never keep to them and for the past 10+ years my resolution has been the same thing ‘finish a novel’, but I’m still trying for that, when it will happen? who knows! and who cares, I’m trying and that’s not something I do all that often, not really.

I mean it’s a whole evolved defence mechanism and it’s the reason I’m not in a relationship and I’ve never had one that lasted longer than a month – I think, maybe shorter – and also I’m cruel, so there’s that.

So I got what I wanted for Christmas. I think as people get older, they stop thinking that Christmas is such a big deal and stop wanting things or rather asking for things for the occasion, which is part of the reason why I got my brother a box of sweets for Christmas, because I didn’t want to just give him money and all that jazz.

But any ways I keep side tracking as per usual. So this year I want to be more me and I want to have a good time, which includes going on holiday this summer or at least to the seaside a bunch. Last year me and some friends decided we were going to make going to Cornwall a yearly holiday for us, to keep the group together and all that, not that we really need it it seems. But since no one can drive, because our usual driving got into an accident, she can’t afford the insurance and none of the rest of us can drive, two of the group are learn and the other can’t because she has/had epilepsy and you’re not allowed to drive on the meds she was taking and all that jazz and I don’t drive, because… well because of personal reasons. So Cornwall seems to be off the list, due to the fact we would have to take the train down and then find a way to get to the camp site and apparently there isn’t any buses around there, or something. I want to go to a different country, but one of the group is a super home buddy. Honestly she doesn’t want to go anywhere or meet anyone new, she refused to let my friend come to her party because she was going to bring her new boyfriend, she just didn’t want to meet anyone new – this just doesn’t make much sense to me. I’m trying not to be super judgemental or anything, but I like meeting new people and seeing new places, even if it sometimes scares the shit out of me. The we’re all a little short on cash, so I don’t think they’ll want to leave the country or anything like that

So over Christmas I found out that one of my friends has dropped out of university, because she couldn’t handle being away from home – she has some pretty bad anxiety problems. So she’s back home and is thinking of doing a horse care course, or something like that.

See for me being here and being at home weren’t that different when I came, apart from I had to deal with my own finances, as I had to do my own shopping  and what not. That sounds like I’m fishing for sympathy  and maybe on some level I am. I mean my father doesn’t like me as much as my brothers, probably because he doesn’t know how to handle me, since I’m a girl and all that jazz, but he still loves me. So I’m not really fishing, I’m telling the truth here, it’s like if I told someone that, I think it would be a – as my friend like to say – ‘woe is me’ story, but it’s not. I mean my father worked away from home, so he stayed with his girlfriend and I stayed at home alone, hence the lack of difference between here and home, I mean there actually are people living in this house, so that’ different, but not family members. I guess if I had been closer with my family, I a more dependent sort of way, then I would be pretty home sick and all that.

Any ways more swiftly on. I got this book called ‘The wisdom of psychopaths’ for Christmas and after beginning to read it, I’m finding it really interesting. I mean I’m already weirdly hooked on psychopaths and others, hence the psychology degree – although I’m not sure if that’s the best reasons to be trying to become a psychologist. But in this book it states that depression, on a short term basis at least, is actually good for you, because people who are depressed are more focused, or something to that affect, although I think on a long term basis depression isn’t good for you and I don’t think I was more focus when I was depressed, but maybe I just didn’t notice, or maybe that was because of the lack of sleep and food. I don’t think I really want to find out.

But as they say new year new me, but since this coming week is a revision week for me, I’m thinking I won’t bother going to be lectures, but I might go to Monday ones and see what they’re like, because apparently I only have one Exam this time, so I don’t see why I should have to go to the other lectures, when I could be revision for my exam, also I haven’t done my coursework, which is due Monday – classic me – so I might have to skip my first Monday lecture to finish that, because I’m probably going to end up writing it all tomorrow, because I feel completely out of whack today – that’s really just an excuse not to do any work.

So I decided I am going to try and enter some writing competitions this year, starting with the writers Forum – magazine – writing competitions, but that means putting money on my printing card thing, because I told the father that I won’t need the printer he wanted to give me, because we just had to hand things in online – didn’t think about hard copy writing competitions, you see you have to be a subscriber to enter online and I don’t have the money to become a subscriber, which reminds me, I have to join the BPS – British Psychological Society – you have to be a member to practice – apparently – and it’s cheaper to join now, rather than later.

So this is my new years-ish, post – I know I know, but what the heck, I’ve got time.

I heard this the other day and although it stalker-ish, I sort of like it, but it’s not my new year song.

 

Girl’s sweet chilli sunshine…

So I’ve been down in Cornwall for a week – well just less than a week – now and having a hell of a time with the girls. It was meant to be 5 of us, two guys and three girls, but in the end it was just 4 of us, although we did meet up with a friend that was already down there and her boyfriend. But the guys backed out, one because of personal reasons and the other because he’s a hot head and does stupid stuff when he’s angry.

So we spent an outrageous amount of time getting down to Cornwall, because of all the traffic on the way down, it seemed like everyone was heading down to Cornwall. Or perhaps like we were chasing the traffic, but whichever one it was, it all amounts to spending about 4 extra hours in the car, than we had to last year.

At least we didn’t get court in a traffic jam like this one!

This time around we went to this camp site on the side of a hill, OK we rolled around a little in the night and had to be careful with the camping stove, but the view was lovely! But that also meant that it was pretty windy on the camp site, so by the second day we had decided to peg the guide ropes down – that is what those ropes are called right?

Unlike last year we spent the majority of our time lounging around on different beaches, or swimming in the sea. But about halfway through the trip we decided to buy a boat, as we had found a island that we wanted to get to, but after careful inspection of the water, we decided that it was safe to try and swim to it, so we got the boat to hold onto and while two people sat in the boat the other two swam. It was actually really funny, because there was this weird seaweed that we had to swim through and on the way to the island one of my friend started screaming “I’m f*cking Harry Potter” as she swam through the seaweed, which became one of Holiday quotes.

Because the camp site was family friend – very much so, basically just family’s and couples – there were a lot of children around, which means having to wake up to them screaming, but the children in the tent next to us, although waking us up at god knows when, gave us a bunch of laughs. However we thought one of the brother’s was a girl for a while, before we actually saw them.

Although I said we spent most of our time on the beach, we did go to St Ives once, but we couldn’t find a parking space, so we ended up just driving around St Ives, and then going back to the camp site and getting drunk – which we did a few times, with the friend and her boyfriend. On one night I was felt alone with the boyfriend and the friend and so I said a bunch of inappropriate things to the boyfriend, as a drunk me is a unfiltered me – but it wasn’t awkward the next day or anything…

So other than St Ives, we went to this chocolate factory, which turned out to be one room, with people making chocolate behind this glass screen and then a bunch of shops. We only really ended up going there because it started raining, which it did a couple times, but we got some nice sunny afternoons and some warm evening, such as the one were we headed to Tesco in our Pyjamas. Where in the parking lot one of my friend called a guy ‘stupid for not wearing pyjamas to Tesco’.

Luckily for us our last day was pretty gloriously sunny, so we headed back to the beach where we sailed to the island and did some jumping off rocks. Unfortunately I forgot my swimsuit, so I only had bikinis, so I wore a shirt over the top, as I didn’t want to show off my flabby fat belly – as I haven’t been working out recently, and have been kind of eating fatty food. But as my friend said we’ve got a month or so to get fit, before we head to university – which was a sort of banned word on this trip, as we’re all a little scared/excited about going, well the one’s of us that are going.

But overall it was a good trip, although at one point one of my friends tried to stick her tongue down my throat. Not that I don’t think she’s a lovely person, but I always think it’s a little weird to get with a friend – even for just a night. That can lead to awkwardness and I’d rather conserve the friendship. Although I know the friend that tried to kiss me doesn’t totally feel that way about friendship and romance.

So I decided that I like sweet chilli, or at least I liked the sweet chilli sauce we had on our noodles one night. Although we did binge on crisps and sugar free Limeade a couple times, I think we did pretty well with the meals and what not, although we seriously underestimated the amount of money we would need for food, but luckily everyone had enough, so it was all good. Although I thought I was going to come back with some money left in my purse, I thought it would be a lot more than the amount I did come abck with, but hey ho, what is money for, but to spend – right?

Quote/saying of the day: When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them –  Confucius quotes (China’s most famous teacher, philosopher, and political theorist). I have a whole bunch of them written on a poster on my room door. Think I might take it to university with me and put on my door there or something. But then as my brother said when I put it up, who reads what’s on the door? As proven my Doctor Who.

Speaking of Doctor Who, the extra long episode is airing this weekend, can’t wait for it. Although I might be going out that night, so will probably be recording it and watching it the day after, although I think I would record it any ways.

Alright so I heard Taylor Swift’s new song on the radio in the car one day and thought I’d share. I’m not a really big Taylor swift fan, but I like her stuff – well some of it.

Now I would have put some photo’s in this post, but I seem to have misplaced my photo’s as I’m not sure where I imported them to. But when I find them I put them up, somewhere somehow and all that jazz.