This is Summer..?

Just another few days in the life of an average university student… who is on the hunt… Continue reading

The suns out and I’m out…

So it’s the beginning of my summer break and I feel like all my motivation to do anything really, is gone. Before I came home, I had a sort of plan for this summer, but I haven’t started doing anything – really – that I had planned.

When all you can think about is just running away from everything…

I did buy my brother’s birthday present and the stuff for my ritual. I also had a small get together last Sunday, with some of my friends, it was sort of an impromptu thing, since we’ve been trying to get together for weeks, but everyone was busy with work and revision and exams. So when on Sunday morning one of my friends said she had messed up her work schedule, so we decided it was a good idea to just meet up that evening and do some planning for Cornwall and day trip over the summer, but unfortunately we just ended up getting drunk and chatting about tit and tat, even though we did try doing some planning and then again in the morning. But it was really nice seeing them all again and all that jazz.

I also get my first vibrator this week, so that was… fun. I posted this whisper – for those of you that don’t know what whisper is, it’s an app – about it and I got 29 messages within the first minute of posting it, most of them were dirty in one way or another and then there was one that wanted to know about my buying experience, because their ‘friend’ wanted to get one.

So my buying experience, was alright a guess, I got one from Durex, because I more or less trust that company, since I didn’t want to get a crappy one, although it did set me back a pretty penny, but I think it more or less worth it. But there is so much out there, I didn’t know what to get, so I just got a simple basic one, since it’s my first one and all that jazz.

Since I bought all the supplies for my ritual on Sunday – even with the whole no banking thing, I’ve been hurt by that damn rule before – stuff has been arriving all week and one of the crystals I got came with a little booklet thing, about how to cleanse and energise and encode – I think they used a different word perhaps program – the crystal, so since I thought it would be a good idea to do all my crystals together and since one of them can’t be put in water or salt, I decided that I would use the herb method to remove negative energy, so I’ve buried 2 of my stones in sage and I’ll add the rest when they come. I don’t think I’m going to program them really, since I’m not sure right now what I want to… put into them, since I’m using them as representatives and what not.

I still haven’t found a job, but I applied to this site to be a website tester, well I applied to 2, but I can’t get one of them to work, because of a problem with my Java, so I’m going to ask the father about it, when he comes down at the weekend, to see if that can be fixed, but I applied to the other site so hopefully that will all go through fine, because they pay quite well apparently, and it looks like I’m not going to be able to get a ‘proper’ job this summer, so I’ve got some free time on my hands, apart from the ritual and the new exercise plan I’m trying to get into, because I want to get toned this summer and I’ve got 2 months – Including this one – to do it, because I’m going to Cornwall with the girls in 2 months, so I’m trying to get toned by then, I don’t think 2 months is an impossible goal, since I don’t have much else to do, apart from try and make a little money, oh and of course looking after the house, since the father is still trying to sell it, so there is going to be people round. I did want to do a whole bunch of things this summer, but the desire to save and lack of planning, leads to not much planned to do. Hopefully we’ll work that out, since we did stuff last summer and that was fun, although most of my friend have work planned – lucky ducks – although I’m not giving up on the work just yet, I’ve applied to a bunch more and hopefully will find something, since the perfect for me dog walking job went in a snap, just shows you should apply right away. But yeah I’m still looking, there’s just not really anything for someone like me.

My friend did say she would have a look to see if the place where she works will take me, but I’m not super hopeful, plus I don’t think I will be that good there or really like it, but if I can I will.

Quote/saying of the day: I always wonder why bird stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question. – Harun Yahya

I’m also planning on doing some writing this summer, since I’ve only written one thing – Angels for flesh – in a long time, maybe even a year now. I’m also hoping to enter some writing competitions.

In need of a ladder to reach the Fruits of my labour…

So as it turns out, after a bit of emailing back and forth their going to read my short story out at the event, as they were going to replace me after not hearing back from me for a while, but now it seems that I won’t be able to make it, as it’s being held in Brighton and I’m basically on the other side of the country, so public transport is super expensive, especially as I’m no longer classed as a child and I don’t want to get done and have to pay some stupid fine, just because I’m to poor to be able to pay for an adult ticket, which seems to be a problem for quite a few people online.

So now I’m feeling all down and angry about the whole thing, all over again. They have offered to read it out at a future one, if I can’t make it, but this was sort of my light in the darkness thing, since everything just seems to be going to the crapper lately. But hey ho the universe hates me right now, or maybe I’ve just been a bad person or something and this is karma. Who knows?

At least the weather is turning more summery lately, so my outfit choices make sense to the rest of the world now. I didn’t really both to change to my ‘proper’ winter wardrobe, as I’ve been wearing skirts and shorts a lot all year, which most people would class as summer clothing. But with the warm weather coming that means I’m going to have to catch back up on my beauty routine, as with most women in the winter, I haven’t really removed the hair from my legs for the majority of the winter and taken to covering them up instead. I mean there were times when I did, but not really as religiously as I do in the summer, when I have my legs out all the time/as much as possible, as I actually am kind of proud of my legs, due to them being all well toned and what not. Mainly thanks to all that horse riding and track (short distance running) that I used to do. Luckily for me they haven’t yet given up and turned to fat, although I live in fear.

But then again I have been getting back into exercise, as I’m trying to get a slimmer waist, not that I think I’m fat, I’m just fatter than I want to be. (I feel like I’ve said that before?)

Anyway while I’ve still got you, I might as well continue talking about this short story writing competition that I won, because that’s the thing that is holding my attention at the moment – mainly because I’m using it to block everything else out. So just in case I do get down there and my piece is read out, I’m going to put the location time and place up, with the hopes of persuading one or five people to go and watch and be ‘amazed’ by my short story.

Time: 23rd May at 8pm

Place: The Latest Music Bar, Brighton, BN2 1TF

Oh it’s called Speaky Spokey – I’m not too sure if there’s actually an ‘e’ in the word Spokey, but I don’t think that matters too much. So I’ve felt a link to their facebook page, where you can get a ticket to the event, which is music and poetry and other stuff.

Quote/saying of the day: Die, my dear Doctor, that’s the last thing I shall do! -w

I feel like I should have more to say but I don’t. I just want to put my fist through a wall right now, or throw myself out a window. But then both involve bad reoccupation, so the future messes up those grand plans.

 

Listening to the inner voice of self doubt

Alrighty, so I’ve been a little… inconsistent with my posts of late, but that’s because well I’ve been preoccupied. So I’ve entered all these writing competitions and I won one. Although the prize isn’t exactly big or anything, but I’m still happy about it, although I might not be able to go, as the prize is having my writing read out at this thing that they do each month, but it seems to be quite popular, as the last months one, was sold out pretty quickly. I’ve been trying to find a way to go, but it’ll be a ride on like 3 trains and 2 buses, so might be too expensive and I also have to be somewhere that day.

So I’ve been a little stressed out these past couple of well, maybe more than just these past couple of weeks, but recently it just feels like the pressure is on and there’s basically nothing I can do about it, or to stop it. And I’ve got everyone telling me that the way I’m feeling is normal, but not actually helping me at all. I know there are probably hundreds, maybe millions, of people my age that are feeling the sort of feelings that I’m feeling – a lot of feel in there. But that doesn’t help me calm down or really make me feel any better about the way things are going right now. I just want one thing to hold onto, that can make me feel good about myself and  not like a failure. And I thought that entering this writing competition and actually winning would do that, but it doesn’t feel real or impressive or like I succeeded at anything at all, even more so now that I can’t get the prize. It just feels like when a friend tells me its good, fake. Because what are friends for but to lie about how amazing their friends writing is, but I don’t want that I want people to tell me the truth, otherwise I’ll just go on thinking that my stuff is good, when actually it’s rubbish and I should just write for myself and not for anyone else to read. Winning the competition makes me question how many other people applied and all this other stuff, to bring myself down and it’s stupid, because I should be feeling good about it. They picked my story out of however many and even if it was only a very small number, that’s still out of something and it’s still an achievement.

I don’t know, maybe I’m just being harsh on myself or something. But in other news my little cat has hurt her eye and now I’m hiding from her, because I can’t stop her from rubbing it. She had something similar before, and it got better quite quickly, so I’m hoping this will be the same way, but I hate watching her rub it because it makes it look – hopefully – worse than it is and I don’t like the thought of her in pain. Also it seems to disorientate her a little, but then having one eye closed can do that, when your sleepy and a little hungry, which she seemed to be when I fed her.

Quote/saying of the day: Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it. – Salvador Dali

Once upon a careless moment…

Sometimes I hate people, they can be so careless with others and so self centred. I know I can be like that as well, but I try not to be most of the time and when I am and I don’t mean to be I have the decency to feel bad about it and perhaps say something in apology. But then people seem to think it just fine to stamp all over me, because I seem to have this ability to look past that and see the good in them and just take all the bad. I like to think this is because the good is worth the bad and there is more good than bad in them, but it’s times like these that I start to think I’m wrong.

I’m not going to go into detail, because I think it’ll just make me want to start breaking things and people.

So I’m going to talk about something else instead. Right so I’ve entered a bunch of prize draws, which I’m very much hoping I’ll win, but knowing my luck it’s not looking in my favour, but then maybe I’m due some or something. I’m also entered a writing competition, which I am not going to win, because I piece I’ve entered is good, but from the looks of things everyone else’s are much better. I’m just well me and their worldly old(er) people.

I know I posted that I was going to put I picture of my hair up, but I didn’t have time to do it, as I’ve been a little swamped, with all the competition entering and all, but not just that of course… I will do it, it just might take a while…

So the weather has turned nasty, with thunder and lightening today, which I was almost court in, but I only just got home, when it really started coming down and the lights in my place started flickering, giving it a scary film feel at one point.

So I watched that trailer for Maleficent today and I heard this song, which brought back memories, from childhood.

Quote/saying of the day: It’s hard to tell who has your back, from who has it long enough just to stab you in it. – Nicole Richie