Sex, Greece, prengancy and new adventures

Just another 2 weeks in the life of the average University student… Continue reading

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Free > me

Just another couple days in the life of the Average University student, who’s wanting to peel herself and thinking of future aspirations… Continue reading

When I fall, don’t try to catch me…

Just another day in the life of the average university student, who’s stepping into the murky waters… Continue reading

Shake and swear

Just another day in the life of the average university student, who’s living of cigarettes and coffee… Continue reading

But why a spoon? Because it will hurt more…

Just another day in the life of the avaerage university student, who’s just that stupid… Continue reading

Meet the sun…

Just another weekend in the life of an average university student… who met the sun… Continue reading

And so she became a heart breaker…

So apparently I’ve become something of a heart breaker.

Weird I never really thought this would happened, maybe because the sort of guys I used to date didn’t really put their hearts into it, so I couldn’t break them, but then that was how I liked it, since I didn’t put my heart into it either, not really.

So one of my friends from ‘back home’ – meaning not a new university friend – came down over the weekend, well she came down on Saturday and left on Sunday, so she only came for an evening and a morning really, but like a one night stand. It was nice to see her again, as it felt like ages since we had talking, since quite a lot has happened to me since we last properly spoke, with the big move and meeting Mr G and all that jazz. But honestly it hasn’t been that long, although I wish she could have stayed longer, but I might go home for reading week and we’ll see each other over the Christmas break and she said she was going to drag me – kicking and screaming if she has to – to Christmas parties with her and her boyfriends friend group, which is the one with the first in it – I think I gave him a name didn’t I…? Oh well he’s back to being the first again. Speaking of him, he’s one of the reasons why I have been called a heart breaker and – in jest – a home wrecker, but I think she was thinking heart breaker when she said that, because to start with he wasn’t involved in any way, when we got together.

Any ways got a little side tracked here, so we were doing what girls do when they get together after a long time of not seeing each other and have bought themselves quite a bit of alcohol – which we didn’t finish, so I still have some of it – we had a good and surprisingly long girl talk, which basically covered my new exploits, earning me the name sex monkey for a short amount of time and her relationship, which is going really well, although she obviously worried about next year, when she goes off to university and he… actually I’m not too sure what his plans are, but it seems that they are making plans to be with each other and I know she wants to stay with him. And then the subject of the first came up and apparently I did a number on him, now this coming from her could just be hyped up a little and since she was drunk, it probably wasn’t quite how she said it was, but basically, after our night together, he felt so ‘lonely’ that he got back together with his ex, just for someone to ‘be with’ and then promptly broke back up with her, now I feel sorry for her, because apparently she was really in love with him, but their relationship got really nasty near the end. And they go to the same university, although not the same course, since that could get really awkward. But that’s the reason she wants to drag me, potentially kicking and screaming to Christmas parties that he’ll be at. Don’t get me wrong I would like to see him again, but that could be really awkward, although I think I might just get a little drunk before hand and then everything will be fine, because I’ll be so happy and drunk that I honestly won’t care.

So any ways after girl talk and dinner, we headed outside to smoke her cigarettes, I feel bad because I’m always bumming smokes off of other people, as I don’t buy my own, for one I have no idea which brand I like, because I just take what I can get. I know I liked the roll up she used to get, but when you’re on a night out and drunk, you don’t really want to be fiddling with roll ups, unless I suppose I could pre-roll and bunch and then put them in a little containing like straights.

But any ways while we were outside, one of the people who are always outside drunk came over and started chatting to us. Now I kind of knew him, I mean we’d met and hung out before and everything and he’s always trying to get people into his house for pre-drinks for some reason. But any ways since by this point I was slightly – almost completely – plastered and with a light buzz from the cigarette, since I find they do that do me. I started to talk rather loudly about Mr G, referring to him as my F-buddy. I then went on to divulge that I couldn’t really completely remember what his name was. I’m not sure if he’s gone on to tell anyone else this, but if he has then my house mate will most diffidently hear about it and I’m not too sure if she’ll ask about it, like to confirm it or something.

I have an idea what his name is, but I’m not sure if it right and I’ve been to see him again. We sat and watched 300 – the newer one with the girl from the Casino Royal (Bond) in it – among other things.

I’m not sure how weird it would be if I asked him his name the next time I see him, which won’t be for another 5-7 days since mother nature has come to say hi again, which I’m super happy about, since I’m also I little irresponsible and thought that I was pregnant, but I’m on the pill now, so that will be the last scare – for a while at least. I’m not stupid just passionate I sweat and not a great role model for safe sex, I know all the things, I had the classes and all that jazz, it’s just yeah… Well no need to worry about that any more. Or maybe I will be seeing him sooner, some guys don’t mind, we’ll see. I mean it’s meant to be good for you, like it’s mean to help with the pains and make it shorter although because of the pill, this could potentially be my last one for a while, because that came be a side effect. I suppose I’m glade, but at the same time it has been nice to have that big red sign that I’m not pregnant and all that jazz.

Fortunately the red river didn’t turn up until Sunday, so I didn’t have to deal with it until then. Although it did make he consider leaving my friend, who got a little bit too drunk, throw up and then passed out in the bathroom, leaving me outside thinking she might choke to death on her own vomit and go see Mr G. I did get her into the bed in the end and left a tub by her head, in case she threw up in the night, but in the end I ended up passing out in the bed beside her and left Mr G hanging, but now I’m not too sure what he thinks our relationship is, I just us to be friends with benefits, but I’m not too sure if he wants something more, since he hints that he wants to hang out with him during the day or as my friend called it ‘date time’ and he seems to get really insecure, such as asking about if I’m with other people and stuff, which I haven’t been since we met, but it’s not like I won’t be in the future, because I don’t want to be his girlfriend.

I know that might seem a little weird, again the girl wants a friendly physical relationship and the guy wants romantic relationship, but hey ho the world ain’t like all those romantic films want us to think it is.

Or perhaps I just have a more male point of view on love and sex and all that jazz.

So this evening instead of doing work, which is what I should have been doing this evening, I have been searching the internet for flavoured cigarettes, I found a whole bunch of sites that sell them but they won’t ship to the UK, so I might ask my friend about getting her friend to send them to me, after looking into why they won’t ship to the UK, I know you can buy flavoured paper over here, but I’d rather buy straights and you can get this one brand, but it really expensive and I’d rather get this one called Kiss, which apparently is or was based in the UK, which makes me wonder why no one is sell it over here and all that jazz, maybe I’m just looking in the wrong places or something.

Quote/saying of the day: People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel – Maya Angelou

Unsatisfied cravings in the face of unseen tears.

I’m not dealing very well today. It’s not like something spectacularly bad happened to me today or anything. I would say that my past is catching up to me again, but now I feel like I never really got away from it to begin with. I’m still that person and last year was just me lying to myself.

But then maybe I’m just not doing things right, maybe I can shake off my past and be that girl. The happy girl that girl with no worries. I want to be that girl, but then reality sets in and there’s this little voice inside my head whispering about how I will never ever get to be that girl, that I don’t deserve to be that girl, it’s a suit that doesn’t fit me and I should stop trying it on, hoping that one day it will fit the way I want it to.

There’s nothing like sitting crying your eyes out, while listening to a song about being happy and what a lovely place the world is to be. It may just be the masochist in me but it made me shiver, in both the good way and the bad way.

You know when your sitting somewhere, outside, maybe waiting for a bus or something like that. You’re just sitting there, not really thinking about anything, well those are the moment when I begin to crave cigarettes. I’ve never smoked in my life and there’s a very strong part of me that never wants to. Watching two loved ones die of cancer is enough to make you wish the dam things had never been invented in the first place. But there’s this little part of me that is screaming at me to have one… two… packets a day. I don’t know why, it’s not like any of my friends smoke, so I’m being pressured into doing it or anything, actually a bunch of them think it’s gross, so it’s more like pressured into not, but that part of me is still there.

I’ve got something sort of big happening tomorrow and until about 1 and a half hours ago, I had forgotten it was tomorrow, it’s only Tuesday, but I’m already getting muddled up and I’m in trouble, I think, because I’m just being ‘me’ again.

Quote/Saying of the day: As you stopped to say hello, oh, you wished me well, you couldn’t tell that I’d been crying over you – Roy OrbisonĀ