All dolled up, but no one wants to go…

Just another night in the life of the average University student, who’s wondering if she’s just ruined a friendship, through unfulfilled great expectations. Continue reading

Advertisements

Lost in Cloud Cuckoo Land

Just another week in the life of the average university student, who went to get lost in Cloud cuckoo land… Continue reading

I’ll disappear for awhile… soon…

Just another day in the life of the average university student… who’s wishing for an escape… Continue reading

Hunting till the first kill…

So today is Friday the 13th, hmm. I thought it would be a little different

Alright so today me and some friends,went to look at a flat. They both liked it, but I’m a little apprehensive, because it’s really quite squishy and dark in places, because of the lack of windows and the rooms where quite small, although not too much smaller than my room here. One room has an en-suit and is also probably the biggest room, so of course I want it, not because of the bathroom, but because of the space.

So any ways after the viewing and sighing of the forms, because even though I was a little apprehensive about the place, honestly there isn’t anything else this late, so that was probably the best we were going to get, I think I’ll see about a different place next year, but I’m sure I’ll just grow into the place and the location is great, in between the university and the town centre, although as my friend pointed out, it’ll take a bit to get to Aldi, but we can go after lectures and what not.

We went to get some food, because it was actually quite late and we were all a little hungry and since we were 2 minutes from Asda we went to McDonald’s – there’s a McDonald’s in the Asda here. After that one of my friends had to get to work – she’s started working in a care home, which I think is the kind of job I should get, or something like that, something that is slightly related to the field I want to work in. So me and my other friend stayed and hung out in McDonald’s for a bit, before deciding it would be fun to head down to beach and walk along the beach. So we had been walking along the beach for a little while and it had already been nearly dark when we had started out to the beach and it was quite dark. This group of guys walk past us and they start say or should I say shouting ‘huge boobs’. I’m just ignoring them really, I mean I just guess there messing around, but then my friend turns to me and says ‘I think their talking about you’ and I’m like oh really you think so, well thanks then, always nice to know people appreciate my wonderfulness, which then leads into a discussion about significant others and how our parents and in my case sibling would react to us bringing them home. I don’t really bring mine home, when I know the family is around, because the father and one of my brother’s blatantly told me that they were going to act all embarrassing and macho and all that jazz, just to annoy me and scare the person I brought home, although I’m not sure they would act that way if I brought a girl home, since they don’t know I’m bisexual, although one of my brother’s thinks I’m a lesbian I think, well he once told me he’d be alright with it if I was – nice to know.

As it turns out I might be celebrating my birthday – oh great – since my friend might not be going home for reading week, so she wants to celebrate, I’m sure if I told her “no” she wouldn’t make me or anything, just go about it until the day. So I told her yes now, to stop the constant talk about it. Looks like my birthday plans have been ruined slightly, since I said I’d go to see a film or something nothing big.

It seems that this week has been a big spender week, since I bought all my new textbooks for this semester, which took a big chunk out of my money for the next 3 weeks and then today I had to put down a £99 deposit on this flat and soon I’m going to have pay the rest of it which is £400, so I’ve asked the father if I can borrow the money from him and then pay him back over Easter, because I have the money, but not in an account that I can get to.

Alright so I’ve completely over looked the two things that people have been talking about most the past 2 days; Fifty shades and valentines day. So I do actual want to see the film, but I’m not going to go see it in the cinema, mainly because I don’t want to have to pay that much to go see it and also because I don’t want to sit in the cinema with the kind of people I image will be going to see it. It’s like going to see a children’s film, you have to go during the day on a school day, so you don’t have to deal with screaming children, which I never really was, because I wasn’t super interested in film when I was a child, so I hardly even went to see them in the cinema. I was more interested in exploring and stuff like that – I was a bit of tom-boy, you could say.

So now that’s out of the way…

So I’ve been a little obsessing over Stirling recently, although I must state that I do like some of her stuff more than the rest, I think she talented, so yeah.

Quote/saying of the day: That’s it, baby. If you’ve got it flaunt it – Mel Brooks (The Producers).

The fish look for a moment of silence.

So I considered telling someone today. Telling them about all the shit that I went through back then and the reason why I’m so closed off, but then I watched their face change and the sadness set in, the anger and pity. The pressure built and then the depression set in, so I didn’t I just kept my mouth shut and played the happiness game. The I’m a completely normal young female act I set myself up for everyday. It’s not like I’m really abnormal, I’m just not exactly normal in the sense of the majority normal for my friends. I know I can’t actually predict how someone is going to react, to much of a degree of accuracy, but I can have a good guess and most of the reactions I come up with, don’t turn out too well on my end or on theirs. I know there are some people that would take it with leaps and bounds and others that might take it as a joke – although it’s far from.

Any ways. So today was a simple day not much out of ordinary, although unfortunately it did rain – I’ve had enough of the stuff, if it has to be anything wet falling from the sky, made it crystalline snow! Although I didn’t really get caught in it not properly.

I also got myself so new shoes, because the old boots were falling apart literally, I stuck the sole back to the bottom, with some chewing gum, when I was out, because I really didn’t want it to drop off and have to walk around with no sole. But the new shoes had a bit of heel on them, which is getting a little annoying, as I have to trudge up and down – sometimes not up – a hill everyday. It’s alright my feet can take it, but still it’s getting to me a little, but I don’t have any other winter shoes, so I have to wear these or get wet feet… So I choose to wear them.

I was thinking about planning a party, but I realised that I can’t. This weekend would probably be too short notice and next weekend is my friends birthday, so it might be a little rude to have a party on her birthday and all that jazz and then the weekend after that I can’t and then the weekend after that is my birthday weekend and then the weekend after that is my other friends birthday weekend and I’m not sure if she’s doing anything for my birthday, like a party or meal or what not. So I’ve given up, as much as I want to just get pissed and be happy, I can’t, because I don’t like drinking alone, it’s dull and makes me depressed. So no party as of yet, although maybe I work around something and still have it. I just want something to sort of look forward to in the near future. I know I should be so near sighted, but what the hell, I’ve been having a hard time with some stuff – as per usually, why is there always something? – and I want something to make me feel better. Although it would be a lot better if I found a muse and could write again. I’ve been trying on and off, but so part no joy. I hope this doesn’t last, because I don’t know what I will do, probably spend all my money on some stupid therapy, which doesn’t work in the end and leaves me broke and homeless or something horrible like that – I’m being a little cynical aren’t I?

Quote/saying of the day: There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls – George Carlin

Letting the new year in with the promise of fulfilled dreams

So I went to my cousins for the new year, hence my lack of a new years post, there was a lot of fireworks, although not all of them our own and some sparklers and it was all very fun and nice and I’m glade I went. I think I just got myself in a funk over actually achieving my life’s dream, as this is something that I have wanted to do since, well since I started writing so at the very least 13 years, sure that’s not the longest of time, but thinking about the amount of times that I could have died then it’s actually quite some time – sorry for the morbidity and all that jazz.

We went out for a meal at this restaurant near there house, because unlike me they live in the city and live a stones throw away from places to eat and drink. Although being with the family did mean that I had to pass up on the cute guy that I met, it can be nice to just dress up for the sack of dressing up, not that I really did dress up. I wouldn’t call shorts and a top that I had just spent the journey there in dressing up, it was more of a casual look for the evening and honest I would have looked completely out of place next to the others and since I wasn’t feeling like standing out, especially as the last time I went to stay with my cousin people thought I was in the local gang, I think blending was best, at least for the night. But I got my Christmas present and gave them theirs, although unluckily I got two of the same thing, but I didn’t tell them that, and I think I might be able to get a good price for it, so yay me. And this morning I got a bit of writing done, although inspiration wasn’t really floating around their place, to be honest it’s a bit of cesspool for sucking inspiration inside their place, maybe it’s just because I’m at odd with my aunt’s decorating style or something, but I really was getting blocked, even with spending half the night before lying awake thinking about the plot – my cousin snores, loudly.We headed into town on new years day, even with the horrible weather, it wouldn’t have been so bad if it had just stopped raining or the wind had stopped, either one, but no they persisted and most of the shops were shut or closing down, because the streets gave you the impression of a zombie apocalypse that we just didn’t seem to know about, but I did get some things from Top Shop. A shop that I don’t frequent, because of it’s outrageous prices, but in the sale, things looked brighter and I got myself these really cute play suit, that is made to look like a jacket. I’ve been looking for a jacket dress for a while, but this play suit will pull me over until I find the real thing. I also got this pair of red shorts with Ying Yang symbols on them and I shoulder-less top that I am in the process of remaking into a ‘pick up line’ top, as I’m going to paint ‘I lost my teddy bear, will you sleep with me?’ across it. I’m still sort of in love with tops with writing on them and they have proven to work for me, so why give up a good thing? It’s not hurting anyone!

So yeah over all the whole trip wasn’t as soul sucking as I thought it could become, although I did become a bit of a bitch – in my head – by the end of it, because I am now very hormonal, horny and irrational. A combination that I think quite a few woman will be able to understand every 28 days or so. For those of you that are oblivious to what I am talking about, it’s my time of the month and what I lovely time it is. I hate getting annoyed at every little thing, but everything just seems to annoy me and I’m not sure why it has to be this way, but it is. Can’t fight fate and all that jazz, although we do try our hardest.

So moving on before I get too personal. I’m heading round to a friends house tomorrow and I’m not too sure how things are going to go. It could be absolutely great, which is what I’m hoping for. Or it could be a blood bath, but with the intervention of one of our mutual friends, who is quite a bit younger than us, I’m hoping everyone will keep things PG or something like that.

So I’ve decided to stop being a good girl and start dating again. I’m bored with being single, but I’m going to take it slow and not rush into things – is what I say now. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but me being completely bored the way I am can lead to someone getting hurt and me getting hurt, so I’m being completely selfish and putting myself before others – alright I’m only bored in the love department not the rest of my life really. I’m still not too certain about my friend that apparently has a crush on me, but since he hasn’t contacted me in about 2 weeks I have a feeling that his feelings aren’t that strong or that he’s over me – I say hopefully, not that he’s not a great guy, but I think I might break him. And with him out of the picture I feel free to date and be happy about it and not like I’m flaunting my lovers in his face or something, not that he’s ever met one of them. That’s another things I’ve been meaning to change about my way and will probably do in the coming year. Actually let my friends meet my guys. Before this point I’ve actually sometimes gone out of my way to make sure that my friends don’t meet them. At least some of my friends. If they already know the guy then there’s no helping it, but the friends that I hang out with most of the time these days have never met one and I made sure of it. But I’m going to change that. The next guy I get ‘serious’ with I’m going to introduce them to – I say now, but probably won’t end up doing. But then I don’t really get super serious with anyone. I mean I’ve never even been in love with anyone and that’s getting serious. I can’t say for certain, but I don’t think anyone has ever been in love with me either, so I suppose it’s fine. I mean no one has ever said that they love me, when their not intoxicated that is. I’ve had many ‘I love you’s from intoxicated people. I think it’s just one of those things that people say when they’re in that state, I mean I think I’ve said it once or twice.

So as to not leave that dangling out there, I think I might already have someone on my radar – I really couldn’t think of a better way to say that, hence the creation of the ‘pick up line’ top. But whether or not he’ll take the bait is something else entirely, because I’m not going to take the direction full frontal approach to this, although new aspect to this years me, less direction in the love life situation, at least while I’m still taking it slow, being indirect, will diffidently slow things down.

I’m still planning for my birthday and I’m not sure if the others want to do with joint thing, but if they don’t then I have an idea of what I might do and if they do then I have an idea about we could do. So basically I have idea about how I want to celebrate my birthday this year, also I’ve been helping my father work out how he wants to celebrate his birthday this year, because it’s a big one and some people would say the half way point others would say one foot in the grave, but I think I’m going for the first one, I’m hoping my father will live for a many more years.

Yesterdays news

Alright so yesterday I went down to Cardiff, as my friend wanted to go somewhere shopping and so we decided that Cardiff was the place to go. So off to Cardiff we went.

She was looking for some onesies  for our friends birthdays. She was trying to find a monkey one and a rabbit one, but in the end she didn’t find the bunny one and only got the monkey one. I did a little shopping myself and got myself this cute new skirt and shorts, as well as a new top that said ‘Anarchy, rock n roll’, which all these block colours behind it. Along with some new pyjamas, as I’ve been needing some new ones for a while, especially long trouser ones, as the ones I have at the moment are all shorts and as it’s getting cold there not really the best thing to the wearing.

It was also a little weird, when we went into Primark, to look for a coat for my friend. We spent about 5 minuets looking for the mirrors in the men’s section, they hide the mirror behind a strange wall thing, at one corner of the level – there were 4 levels to the Primark. I also got myself some new converses. As the ones I have right now are slowly falling apart, although I didn’t expect them to last all that long. But I like to get white ones and paint them, so that I can be really creative with them, but it most of the time I can’t think of what to put on them and end up just putting something kind of basic on there instead.

We ended up staying until dinner, so we were all going to get sushi, but one of my friend that came was vegetarian and we weren’t sure if they had a vegetarian options, so we ended up at Spudulike, which we all agreed was the best choice, as the spuds were delicious and we had fun trying to pile all our drink cups on top of each other.

So onto today: It was a pretty basic day, although I had to go to the dentist – ergh – I really don’t like the dentist, because they ALWAYS find something they want to work on. And I’ve been trying really hard to keep my teeth nice this past year, so that just annoys me even more – but what can you do?

But at the end of the day I headed over to my friends place, with a couple other friends, to watch some chicks hatch. They were so cute and although wet from being inside the egg, they dried off really quick in the incubator and were all fluffy in no time. Although while using this weird torch thing to see if there was a chick growing in the egg, my friend accidentally dropped one egg and the top cracked, so we had to throw it into the field next door, as it would have become infected and then would have infected the rest of the eggs and they all would have died. But my friend was telling me that those chicks were a rare colour and that they were probably the only chick of that colouring of that breed in the country, so they were pretty rare and expensive chicks and I got to hold one. It was cheeping away, as the incubator was really warm and I think my hands were a little cold for it, so I had to pop it back into the incubator quite quickly, but it was watching us through the glass, as we watched it’s brother/sister hatch out. It was sort of weird, as when they first get out on the shell, their necks aren’t ‘hard’, so it was curling it’s neck at a weird angle and apparently if they don’t straighten their necks out themselves, then you have to straighten their necks out for them, which was kind of gross to hear about, but it was really fun going over.

Although my friend was half demanding alcohol to wash away the guilt of killing a chick – by accident – so in the end we shared a bottle, but he got a little drunk and was scream, when we got into the back on my friends van to go – since it had two seats, we all just climbed into the back and sat there, because he had taken the cage out so we could.