Wishing for lumpy pockets to pave the desire…

So recently all I can think about it travelling. Although you could say that recently is only the last few days or the last few years or all my life.

I do tend to blame my love for new places and my dislike for staying in the same place for too long a period of time on my parents, due to them moving me all over the country as a child and of course we had quite a few wonderful – and not all fully remembered – family holidays. I’m not really complaining though, but as I stated in my last post I’m not one to travel alone, maybe that’s because I never really have. Sure I’ve travelled from here to home and trips like that, but nothing really ‘bigger’ than that and I would like to, although I’d prefer not to have to do it alone.

I want to go to New Orleans the summer after next, mainly because then I’ll be able to drink and what not, but I’m also hoping that by then American airport security will have died down a little. American Airport security is one of the many reasons I’ve never been to American, unless you think that the Caribbean is part of it – which one of friends does.

I’ve spent the last couple hours trying to work out how much it will cost to go to Japan with my friends next summer, as one of them invited me to come with him and some other people. Although he estimated the trip to cost around £4000, but all the calculations come up with it only costing around £2000, so I’m not sure where he got the extra £200 from, or I’m remembering what he said wrong, because that’s a pretty damn big difference. Although maybe it’s the time of year that you go that changes the price, but I didn’t think it would change that much. So right now I’m sort of thinking about starting to properly save my money for that, but then again my friends have been talking about going to Italy next summer, which I would also really like to do – oh the dilemma – maybe I can earn the money to do both. I’m going to have to diffidently get a job for next semester. Which is another thing I’m going to research and try and find out that I can do, pays alright and can perhaps be related to what I may want to do in the future, because at the moment I’m not really sure what I want to do with my life, which just makes the idea of leaving university even more daunting.

Ah it’s times like these that I wish I was a millionaire and I think about playing the lottery more often, in the hopes of becoming one. I’m still playing the postcode lottery, but it’s extremely slim chance that I will ever win that one, because not many people around me play it and although the pot is up to £100 a day, winning that couldn’t really pay for a trip, although it wouldn’t hurt.

Ah I shouldn’t complain about money problems when I don’t even have a job, as my brother keeps reminding me, whenever I say anything to him. I just don’t think I’ll be very good at anything really. Maybe a supermarket, stocking shelves and stuff like that, I think I wouldn’t do too well on the till, at least not at first – for the first few months.

Quote/saying of the day: We wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfilment. – Hilaire Belloc

A trivial shift in the time line…

So it’s 10 days until my birthday, alright I’m an adult. I mean legally I’ve been an adult for almost a year now and I can do everything in a large number of countries – you know smoke, drink, vote.

But I don’t feel like an adult, I still feel… well I don’t feel like a child either, sure next September, I’ll start paying proper bills and renting my own place, real adult like stuff, but isn’t there meant to be something that makes you feel adult like or something, I thought it would be a little different. But then again when I was a child and I mean a child, I never wanted to get to this point in my life, while my friends admired the adults and were wishing they could be all grown up, I was wishing I would never grow up, while my friends were chatting about the pros of being ‘an adult’ I was noticing all the cons, sure the pros are great and everything, but if I had the choice I’d spent the rest of my natural life reliving my childhood, well up until I hit the double digits that is.

I know that probably sounds all selfish, but I just don’t feel like I’m properly equipped the be adult like, I mean I pretty much know nothing, about living an adult life, sure I can probably imitate it, but inside I’m curled up in the corner, crying my eyes out and sometimes on the inside these days as well, I suppose I’m always going to be that way.

Any ways, I’m just getting all  twisted up because I’ve got a whole bunch of work piling up, my plans aren’t working out the way I wanted – the best laid plans, right? – and I’m going to be another year older soon – you would think I was turning 60 the way I’m acting about it.

So my friends coming down next weekend, or at least that’s the plan at the moment. She wants to celebrate our birthdays, since her’s was yesterday and all that jazz. I got her this book, which I think she’ll appreciate; shag yourself slim and a couple small things. I did tell myself that I wasn’t going to celebrate my birthday this year, but it’s quite a few days before and since it’s reading/project week after that, I can still have the slightly depressing birthday I planned – I know planning myself a pity party, if that’s not sad what is? But I haven’t had a proper happy birthday for a while now, I mean I’ve had happy moments and all that jazz, although there was one year, where I thought my family had forgotten, but fortunately for myself they hadn’t.

I’ve been debating on and off recently if I want to stop going for casual relationships and actually have a – more or less – committed one. But there’s a whole bunch of pros and cons to both sides, so I’m still on the fence, as I am with most things I life. But I have met some nice people.

I met a couple new people, at the screening of American Psycho, that the psychology society here had this Friday, there was only five of us there, but it was nice all the same and we had an interesting chat, while we waited for the other people to arrive – and they never did arrive. Honestly I don’t think there’re going to ever get that many people, because it’s on a Friday night, everyone’s going out. I’ve sort of suspended my ‘going out’ because I want it to remain fun and interesting and what not and not become a mundane activity, as basically everyone I’ve talking to about it says it has for them. I don’t want to become one of those people that works all week and then spends all their wages on drinking the weekend away, it’s such a circular life and one I don’t want, so I’m not starting it now. I mean some people seem to come to university and just go crazy, like they’ve never gone out drinking or to clubs in their life, I don’t want to become that either. I know I’ll probably never do anything amazing, earth shatteringly great with my life, but I’ve got to give myself the chance or something along those lines – does that sound conceited? Because that wasn’t what I was going for, I think.