Will there be time to breath..?

Surrender me to the darkness,

I’m falling into the void,

Screaming out for your hand,

But you can’t hear me any more,

Trapped inside my cage,

These walls I built are too high for you to save me any ways,

Something deep inside me,

Tells me I shouldn’t cry,

Because I shouldn’t show my emotion,

To anything but the sky

And these walls are too high to scale,

So leave me in the last place you found me,

Because that’s the last place I failed.

And I don’t need anything,

My misery will keep me warm,

But if you want to comfort me,

You can’t save me from the cold,

So I’ll go, Down down down,

To where I belong,

I’ll go, Down down down,

Just like I did before,

I’ll go, Down down down,

And you can shred me of my wing,

Because I don’t need them to rise again.

(I've been listening to this song and a couple others, quite a bit of late, so I just stuck it in here).

So I had my first shift at the pub last night. It was pretty quiet, so it was alright and the other people I’m working with seem like alright guys.

There’s a lot to remember, so I’m trying to just take it a bit at a time and hopefully everything will be good. But I am worried about fitting the two jobs together and having time for myself, but I’m sure I can work it out. Although I’m not sure when they next want me in, because I didn’t get to talk to my manager before I left last night, so I might just call them, if I can find her number in my phone, because I stupidly didn’t save it when she rang me last time, but I can always pop in tomorrow and ask about shifts. Although next week I’m a little busy, with my graduation and what not, but we’ll see how it goes, because I kind of don’t want to working both jobs on all the same days, since that’ll probably be really tiring, but hey ho, life goes on.

Since all the people I’m working with are young – around my age – that’s nice.

Although when I walked in, one of the guys, spent a large amount of time talking to my boobs, which isn’t something especially new to me, but it’s been a while since I met a guy that was that obvious about it, part of me wanted to make a snarky remark or something, but I thought better of it, since we had only just met, don’t want to get too overly familiar and what not, since I might not be staying there that long, but we’ll see. It would be nice to know some people around my age around here, since all my friends live quite far away at the moment – I guess that’s what happens when you move.

While I was on my shift at the pub with guy started talking to me. He’d asked me about what I like to do and I said writing, because I do like to write and he started giving me all these recommendations for books to read to help with my writing, it was nice, but by the end of the conversation it had gotten a little creepy and I wanted to walk away, but couldn’t find a polite opening. Honestly if it had been a bit more busy, I probably could have slipped away to serve someone else, but only one other person came up to the bar while he was talking to me and I sort of panicked, so one of the other guys, ended up serving him instead.

I’ll have to find polite and creative ways to get out of conversations with customers in the future, at the old job back in Bournemouth, I could just say I was needed in the kitchen and they would never know if I was lying or not, because they couldn’t see into the kitchen, but behind the bar you’re on display, which is new for me and sort of weird, but then I’m weird and if I do keep this job, they’re going to find that out fast, hopefully they’ll think I’m quirky or have character or whatever and won’t think I’m truly insane, but I guess only time will tell.

So today was an easy day at the first job and we were given a thank you gift for doing a good job, which was nice. Honestly at this point I like this job more than the pub job, but I think that’s probably because it’s easier, in the sense that it’s the same thing and you just have to go through the steps, so there’s less to learn in a way.

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