Confession, stress and alcohol consumption

So it’s been a while again.

A lot has been going on. I’ve got my dissertation draft to write and a debate to prep for, then tomorrow I’ve got the dentist, if they don’t cancel again, which would make me so mad, because I just want to get that over and done with and on Thursday I’ve got another date with Mr. J. We’re going to see ‘Ghost in a Shell’ this time. I’m calling it a date because right before he asked me to go he told me he liked me. It was weird, I mean for one it was over messager and for another it’s been a long time since someone actually out and said that to me and then I couldn’t say it back. I mean I’m not sure what my feelings are towards him, but at the same time I do like him, I’m just trying to work out… in what way, so to speak.

Any ways we’ve been getting on well recently. I’ve been named a bit of a ‘pisshead’ at work because I’ve been sticking around after my shifts and drinking. Before Christmas I didn’t drink all that much and then last week I did three times, so I can’t really dispute the new title. I think one of the reasons for my sudden increase in alcohol consumption, is stress. Uni has been getting to me and I just want it to end, but I’ve still got at least two more months of it and I wish it was June already, so that I didn’t have to worry about it anymore, but then I’ll have the future to worry about and that’s another source of stress.

But a good thing to come out my increase in alcohol has been the increase in my relationship with Mr. J. Sometimes drunk messaging isn’t a bad thing and for me it wasn’t. But I guess that an exception and not the rule.

Before when I first started having ‘the feels’ for him I was worried about us not being compatible in the aspect of BDSM, but lately I’ve sort of stopped worrying about that. He might not be into the way I am, but I think things could run smoothly there – I’m not sure how to say it – but the other day I confessed that I migth being spanked – I guess that’s not that big a things, but it’s a start to admitting my ‘preferences’. How this confession came about was, we/I was joking around at work, pretending to try and trip him up and after a while he started spanking me when I did it, which just made me do it more and then he asked, whether I liked it or not and since I had had a couple I answered honestly – simple. Baby steps, baby steps.

Any ways, one of the reasons I’m writting this post is because I’m procrastinating. I’ve got a dissertation draft to finish and I just don’t want to have to use SPSS, for my results, because to be honest I haven’t used it in over half a year and even then I didn’t totally understand it, so now I’m worried I won’t be able to use it, or I just won’t understand my results and I’ll end up having to spend hours and hours typing them out myself. I know I should get on with it, but I’m a procrastinator and I’m pretty sure I just need to sent it to my supervisor today, so that means before midnight. If it does come to that I’ll probably end up making some excuse for how late it is… something was wrong with my computer/internet/emails, I forgot what day it was meant to be sent… you know something like that. But as always I will end up doing it and getting it in on time – e.g. five minutes before the deadline.

I’ve got a seminar later today, so if I haven’t started my results by then, I’m going to do them after that, because I don’t have SPSS on my computer, so I have to go in to do it anyways. Plus I’m hoping by then the library will be on the side of empty, so I won’t have to worry about people and findings space and all that jazz.

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