The new experiment might hurt more than predicted…

You let me burn

but that was ok

You let me fall

but still you stayed

And yet through all the things you have done

I still want you to be my sun


So today was an emotional rollercoaster, but I was vaguely expecting that, since mother nature does not want to leave this month.

Any ways, as per usual I was working. At the start of my shift I was so tired, that I decided to drink way too much coffee to try and get my energy up, which ended up with me having the shakes, but forfunately I had some mango to eat, but I realised I had the shakes when I was putting my contacts in, so that was fun.

Any ways at one point in my shift I wanted to cry, while during another I was all smiles and dancing – well that was after all my customers had left – then another I felt sick and wanted to dig myself a hole and never come back out, but then that was just a random emotion, it may have had a cause…

Any ways, me and… I’m going to call her S, the new girl on the bar have gotten closer. Although my boss doesn’t really like her very much, that may be due to the fact that she was about  hours late yesterday, because she over slept and only woke up when her boss called her, or it maybe because of something else, I’m not sure, I didn’t stop to ask. But I think she alright, ok I don’t think the whole missing work thing was good or ok or whatever, because there was just one person on the bar and it was pretty damn busy, so yeah. But as a person she seems interesting. Plus she’s shorter than me, I’m not really sure why that’s relevant, but I’m quite short myself, so I don’t meet that many people shorter than me… well I didn’t til I came to Bournemouth.

But she works on the bar the two days that I work, so I think I’m going to try and get along well with her. I mean she’s going to learn how odd I can be one way or another, it might as well be after I’ve left I nice impression on her… right?

Weirdly enough, I’ve decided to try and… I’m not sure what the right wording is… let go of my crush… because it’s really not doing anything for me. I mean probably one of the reasons I haven’t had a crush since I was… I don’t know, eight… is because I either get into a relationship with the person I’m into, or I just let go of my affection for them, because holding onto one sided feelings doesn’t make sense to me. But this time has been a little different. Maybe it’s because I didn’t feel like I had a reason to ‘let go’ or maybe I just wanted to see what would happen if I didn’t, I mean sometimes I just like to do things for the shits and giggles… well less giggles this time around, but hey, I learned some shit about myself and… oh who am I kidding, I have no idea how this is going to play out, I think I left it too long and I’m in uncharted waters, with a holes in my boat, slowly sinking, even though I can see the land I have no idea how to get there… like the metaphor?

Any ways that’s enough on my struggles of being something like a now human female (oh the stereotypes)… it was quite funny on my way back from work – I walk because I be healthy like that, so the bus is too expensive, when I can walk for free – I was walked part of the way by a random white cat. It just ran up to me, while I was crossing, so I was like ‘I can’t just stand in the road with this pretty kitty’ so I gave it a stroke then walked to the other side, not really expecting it was follow me but it did, then it proceeded to walk with me, all the way down with road, kinda like how dogs walk with their owns. So it was get distracted by a smell or something and I would keep walking and then it was run after me and walk infront of me to slow me down. It was super cute and part of me wanted it to follow me all the way home, but it did have a collar on, so it was someone’s pet. It didn’t come home with me, at the end of the road, it jumped onto a wall and sat down. So I said goodbye – like a crazy person, I also said hello and a bunch of other stuff, because I be crazy like that – and then headed home with the cute kitty. But it was nice, because it walked me to the lamp lite road, the one we walked together only had lamps on one side – not the side I was on – it was quite dark on my side, so it kind of felt like it was making sure I was sure, crazy, insane idea I know, but I guess what we’re establishing here, is that I be a bit crazy/insane/whatever I love cats…


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