Painted smiles hide all our sins…

I stare at myself in the mirror, then with a deep breath, I get to work.

Covering the major stuff first. The fresh cuts, which have only just sprouted scabs, the bruises and breaks, then the old scars and the dark circles uder my eyes.

I paint my face until I look normal, untouched and when I smile, yes, I look happy. That is what happiness looks like, isn’t it?

I can’t really remember anymore.

I did something stupid last night.

Alright so I knew I was going to regret it the minute I thought it up and usually I can stop myself from doing this kind of stupid stuff, but this time… I guess I was just too messed up to stop myself and now I can’t change what I did. So I guess I’m living with it.

Usually when I do stupid stuff I don’t do it… publicly, so I don’t feel as much regret about this. But this was… well sort of publicly, no one has found out yet, but I’ll be living on pins and needles, waiting for someone to find out and say something. THe only thing that’s keeping me from doing something else stupid, is the thought that I’m far far away from everyone I know right now and they have no way of getting to me. I know that sounds kind of odd and it’s part of the reason why I was so messed up yesterday. I mean I went from a down to and up without even really realising it, because there was no… transitional phrase this time or anything like that.

I had been doing silly things all day and I guess it was the climax.

It’s a horrible overcast day outside and it’s matching how I’m feeling, groggy.


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