The stupidity of execution

Life is hard and then you die. We are all just trying to get by. Through drunken eyes and heavy hearts, we try in vein to tear each other apart.

Under darkened clouds we sit in sin. While all out lies and curses crawl back in. We sit in silence and we cry, all the time wondering why, we have died deep down inside.

So I’m finally feeling…better, physical at least. I guess I had a cold or something perhaps it was the heat wave, but whatever it is, it would seem to have passed, so yay!

I’m mean to be going bach to the Shire for the weekend to meet up with the girls, since it’s meant to be hot hot hot, this weekend we/they decided it would be fun to go to the river and have a BBQ, before the cake party they were planning, so hopefully that will be fun. Plus I’ve promised my borther that I would meet up with him, possible on the Sunday, basically whenever he’s free this weekend, since him coming all the way to Bristol just for me to come out to him, is just, well stupid – in my humble opinion. He lives a lot closer to the Shire than Bristol and I’m there anyways. Honestly I would rather save it wfor another time, when we’re going to meet more… naturally – if that makes any sense – but he just wants to talk. I wish I hadn’t said anything about wanting to talk to him now, it was silly, done in the moment and as such a regret. But you can’t change the past and after this I won’t really have anyone left to come out to, baring any new people that come into my life and if I get a long term girlfriend, I might want to explain my sexuality to the rest of the family, but let’s not count our chickens before they hatch hey.

So yeah hopefully this weekend going to be a fun one. As my friend said to me when we last met, we’re a low mentainence friend group, it doesn’t really matter what we’re doing as long as we’re together, we can make it fun. It nice… I mean before, all those years ago, it felt like they always wanted to be doing something a little extrangant or something, but now it’s just, sun meant to be out let’s go swimming in a river and cocktails and cake after, fun!

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