Just another day in the life of the average University student, who’s thinking about the future and having trouble stumbling out of the nearest closet…
Alright so I’m done, finished, completely, never to be doene again.
At least I hope not.
My last exam is over and I’m “free” for the summer. Well free is one way to put it. With all that’s going on and the whole moving back in with the father and his girlfriend, it doesn’t actually feel like I’m free right now. But hey I’m heading towards independent and trying not to even think about relying on the father, which when you think about it too hard – like I do sometimes – is kind of messed up. But who said I wasn’t a completely fucked up hand grenade?
Any ways I told the father about my less than formed, but somewhat there plans for life after university and how I don’t want to move back in with him, because I think I’ll get stuck. He does and doesn’t get it. He doesn’t want me to get stuck at home, but he wants me to go work for some big company, so that I have a future and all that jazz, but I don’t want to spend so-so many years of my life in a job I potentually hate, dreaming of a higher up on the ladder job, which I may or may not get promoted into. At least not until I’ve experience more of the world first, sure I get the whole working to travel, but I’d rather travel and work, as scary as that could be, but I might as well do something with my 20’s, since I feel like I lost my teens to trauma, but let’s not get into that right now.
I was watching this video, which lead me to reading with article about Kristen Stewarts sexual orientation. I bring this up, because I find it funny that people are now spouting the same – sort of – stuff about sexuality as I was when I was 12 going on 13, sure I wasn’t saying it to everyone I met, let alone everyone I knew – I was oddly guarded about my sexual orientation around certain people back then, but life goes on and people grow. Any ways me and my friend came up with this term, well I say came up with but there is the possible that we heard it somewhere and just kept it up, but it was Love Love people. It’s basically what people call Panseuxal – which is what I identify as when people ask – but honestly I still – in my head – call myself a Love love person, it’s just saying panseuxal to others makes the whole thing easier, because they can go look that up and find a nice little definition to clarify, if they need to.
Moving on – a little – I still haven’t been able to “come out” to the father, I almost did it today when we were all sitting in the living room after dinner. I’m not sure whether to do it when the Girlfriend is there or not. It’s not like I don’t want her to know or anything, I just… as I’ve said before emotional stuff – at least when it comes to my emotions – isn’t where my strengths lie.