Oozing out

As moths to a flame they were drawn to the pain

Things have been so… normal recently. It’s times like these that make me feel like the other part s of me, the more on the side of abnormal parts of me, don’t really exist, then they come out to play and I wonder if this time, was some sort of dream.

I’m just feel slightly melancholic, but not in the really bad and sad sort of way, just this emptiness. Although I dred this sort of feel, because it always makes me think it’s the calm before he storm.

I lost my glasses, well my back up glasses. I have no idea how, since I didn’t take them out of my bag, perhaps someone is messing with me, or perhaps they fell out somewhere, but I have a hard time believe I wouldn’t have. Although I haven’t been sleeping well recently, so you never know.

It’s strange but sleep deprivation – well slight sleep deprivation – is a somewhat nostalgic feeling. I guess sufforcating and depriving myself, was something of a norm to me back then. Now it’s all about moving on and trying to fit myself into my ideal norm, when really I just want to get fucked up and beat the shit out of some people right now. I know violent right, but like I say, I’m actually a violent person, I just don’t do violent things, because then… well then people might notice the real me. I say I want to get closer to people, but honestly it scares the shit out of me, hence my isolation, unending loneliness and alter egos – I guess…

But on the other hand, I’ve been yearning for someone to see me, the real me, the me that’s a disgusting dirty mess, quivering in the corner, eternally trying to fit the pieces back together


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