To say that I was in any way a stable situated person, would be a wonderful lie.
But what does it matter, as long as no one sees it?
Everytime I get like this, I question everything that seems to make up me. I mean was what came before a lie, to keep some sense of peace in the war that I appear to be both winning and losing. I don’t think I’m unique in this aspect. We all battle with ourselves, it’s the nature of human, to be in some form a contrabition in oneself and the fight for equalilibrium is a norm. But at some point you expect to be able to put down your arms and say this is it, at least for now.
But I feel like I’ve just been asleep in the trenchs and then the other side starts everything back up again.
The peace a faint and quickely fading memory.
I’ve said it before I hate being alone, more like I fear it. But I can’t spend all my time with others. I sufforcate and then… my defences start to creak and all my hard work, goes to waste.
I guess my ability to play pretend only goes so far, but it goes far enough that others feel the need to go along with me, or maybe they just don’t care, maybe they never cared all that much.
I’ve been handling the careless nature in which people seem to like to treat me, for a while, you’d think I’d have gotten it by now.
Looks like a I didn’t run far enough this time…