Shake and swear

Im going through a swearing phase at the moment, well at least at work I am. I think it’s because I haven’t been eating properly this last week – one meal a day sort of deal here.

Alright I know that I should be eating like a normal person and all that… but it’s hard. I guess this is a relapse, but not completely, since the last time I relapsed, I didn’t eat anything for a week or so, so this isn’t so bad and next week I’ll totally be eating at least 2 meals a day, since I’ll be with the family and all that jazz. Although I sort of worried about not being able to smoke for about a week+. Since I’ve been surviving on coffee and cigrettes this past week, since if I wasn’t drinking coffee I don’t think I’d be able to do anything at work, although it has lead to the swearing, which I think the customers heard at one point.

They were being really annoying and then I forgot things, so it was mostly swearing at myself, not them, but they don’t know that do they?

Any ways I think it was fine, although the cheif probably thought I was having a melt down, or riding the red river or something, but hey they’re all a little crazy there, so I think that’s all good.

But I did go and tell her I was seeing a 46 year old, not sure if that was a good idea, but hey I’ve no regrets, she just knows I’m into older guys now and that I’m a commitment phob – a bit of one any ways. I’m young no need to tied to one person.

I don’t want to be old and dead and look back on my life and wonder what if?

I’ve been trying to work things out with the girls from back home, but it’s not going as smoothly as I would have liked, since I need to let my brother know whether I need a ride by tomorrow, but I don’t want to be all pushy or whatever – can you tell by this that I’m still a little hopped up on caffeine?

Any ways I’ve got the day off tomorrow, but I’ve got so much shit to do and I really should be trying to get some done, now, but I’m drop dead tired and just want to sleep and take a break from everything. Which is why, I am most defidently taking myself on holiday for 5-7 days before my birthday. I’ve got the week off University – reading week- and since my birthday – for the last few years – have been disappointing, because of other people’s reaction and all that jazz, I’m not going to include others, well I’m not going to actively exclude them, apart from maybe my flatmates, since I don’t want to tell them about it. Why? Because I know one of them will try and talk me out of it and just make it so much less fun for me. So I’m just going to take off for the week. She might not ever be there that week any ways, since she usually goes home for reading week, but she said she might be staying this time, since we only have 2 weeks after until Easter Holidays, which I’ll probably be remaining in Bournemouth for. Might go to Hereford for a meet up with the girls or something, who knows?

Well, speaking of the 46 year old, he’s been being all clingy lately, I’m still not sure about him. Maybe because I’m not sure he’s the right fit for someone like me. I don’t want his sort of gentlemanness – if that’s even a word. It’s sort of… annoying, but that could just be my commitment phobia talking, since I know he wants something exclusive and all that jazz. I guess that can be the problem with nice guys… Not that I really have any experience being with one.

Ah the dumps of my love life…


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