I hurt therefore I am alive… Right?

I think I just made a mistake. But I just couldn’t hold it in this time. Usually if I wander off and well suppress it all, I can just get on with shit, without making these sorts of mistakes, but today… well I guess I’ve already pushed so much down, there isn’t enough room or something.

I guess I’m just stressing out, because I have to write and essay in three days. One of them – the first day – I have an in-class test on, so I won’t be able to do anythig till the evening/very late afternoon and my flatmates want to have our Christmas dinner that day, which I feel like I should help make and all that jazz. Then the last 2 days I have work, which I usually don’t get back from until 4:30 and since I said I’d work, the day follow – deadline day – I will have to go to bed early so I can get up early and not end up keeling over or something at work, which means I have problably just over 20 hours to write an essay in. And since I have 2 in-class tests this week, I can’t really start it now, because I still haven’t finished making revision notes for one of them and the other I hardly know anything, despite the fact I’ve been revising everyday since last week for it.

I just want to run away from everything and everyone and forget this whole damn world even exists.

And I started scatching myself again yesterday. I just wish I could get hit by a car or simething. I’ve been feeling melancholic lately and I thought it might just have been Christmas, because this time of year, can make me feel kind of down, because it makes me think of the people I’ve lost. And I thought it would go away after a bit, like usual, but it just seems to be getting worse these days.


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