Deja Vu Day dreams…

Right, so I lied, so I could have next Wednesday off. I feel bad, as they sort of need me, but at the same time, I need the time to study, although I might end up doing what I always do and of course end up with the regret…

I’ve bought myself a train ticket down to Bristol so it’s official. I’m going there over my Christmas break. I’ll be nice to see the family again and all that jazz, plus it’ll be nice to get out of Bournemouth for a bit.

I don’t know what’s been going on with me lately. I thought I was just a little out of it, since I’ve been running myself… towards the ground – get what I did there? – but I don’t know if that’s it anymore, which is why I’m looking forward to leaving. New scenery always gives me a… refresh. Even if it’s just a bandage at this point, it’s been that starving myself or something, since it looks like thinga are going that. Plus I haven’t been getting enough sleep lately. My boss commented on it today, when I was yawning in the kitcken. I don’t think she thought anything of it. Although she was asking if I liked working there, which I answered honestly that I do. Sure the job wasn’t physically easy at first, but I’m getting used to it slowly. My feet don’t hurt half as much anymore and everyone is really nice. Plus she was praising me, saying that I was picking things up really fast and stuff – it always feels nice to be praised, even though in this cercumstance, I don’t think it’s entirely due, I’m still making small mistake here and there, although I think I’ve got the basics down.

But I did bump into a lot of stuff today, though fortunately not customers or anything that could topple over or anything. I think there’s probably just some security footage of me, walking into a wall, well bashing my shoulder against walls and tripping over boxs and some of me leaving the fridge open too long, then whacking into the door.

I’ve been feeling a bit, well actually a lot disconnect lately. I mean from people and perhaps the world at large, from time to time. Perhaps even from myself every now and then, like I’m just watching all this shit happen o someone else or something. I don’t know… I’m just feeling sort of empty.

Although I did get this really nice deja vu like feeling on my way to work. It was sunny and I was looking up at the trees and buildings and what not, then I saw these trees with no leaves, and I sort of just got this weird, warm feeling. Like a memory from my childhood or something – I’ve got it before when staring out of the car window on a summers day once. I’m not sure how to explain it, deja vu doesn’t really describe it right – I think – I mean deja vu makes you feel weird and I find not particularly in a good way. This was a sort of feeling like… home… or something like that. Sort of like when you’ve been on holiday for a long time and then get back and you’re all jet lagged and all you want to do it sleep. You get back to your home and everything looks a little odd, but in a good way… I dunno. I guess it’s just too hard to explain…


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