What we served ourselves…

Ok what can I say?

So I’ve been… showing my crazy on here a little more recently, or maybe I’m just become more crazy, or maybe I’m just more aware of it, or perhaps it’s something else altogether, but whatever/whichever it is I guess I’m glad I got it out there, not that it’s far out.

You know when you talk to people that have been in the closet and they’re all like ‘oh it was wonderful and freeing to finally be out’ or ‘it was really hard but I’m glad I’m out’ well I guess that’s me, but not about sexuality in this case.

Although technically I did come out last year – I believe that’s right – although I’m technically not out to my family, but my brother’s know and I’m pretty sure the father doesn’t care about the gender of my partners, as stereotypical as my family was, we were pretty damn literal about a lot of stuff, as I learned when I got older and talked to other people about their childhood. Don’t get me wrong I’m glad, I didn’t get completely disillusioned when I got to adult-ish life (e.g. now) because well,  think I’m posted about this before, don’t be lazy and read for it – see what I did there? No? well ok.

Any ways so someone comment on one of my posts recently, so I did the.., decent thing the went and read their blog a little, even left them a nice comment right back – because I can be nice. They were talking about how they had their heart broken and how didn’t think they believed in love. Now I believe in love, I actually would call myself a romantic – read my romance stuff, which is most of it, and you might just agree with me – but I also don’t believe in love for myself, in the sense that I don’t believe that anyone can love me and I don’t think I will even fall in love again. Yes AGAIN, I have been in love, despite people daying that young people can’t really fall in love because they’re too young – I’m calling bullshit – but I did and I don’t care what they say. Any ways it’s like that quote; ‘We accept the love we think we deserve’ – or something like that, not completely sure who said it and all that jazz, but it’s in the book/film the perks of being a wallflower. So in that case I don’t think I deserve love at all, not that I don’t want it.

Come on who doesn’t want to be loved? I pretty sure the answer is everyone wants to loved, in one form or another, even if their heart has been shattering into a million tiny shards that sparkle like stars.

…because I felt like it, that’s there – I mean the video btw…

So I want to go abroad this summer, since I’ve only got 2 more long summer holidays, because I don’t think I get summer off when I’m getting my Dotorate, although that would be nice. But any ways the plan was to go interrailing this summer and then road trip America next summer, but as I suspected the plan is falling to pieces, as it always seems to with my friends – maybe I should make new friends, jokes, I love ’em.

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