So it’s been 2 weeks of me working, yeah I’m a working girl, a steady job and going to work has probably been the… best… well maybe not best, but the only thing that hasn’t gone wrong this week. Although I had an episode, I guess you could call it, more of a tiny pain attack, even though I have no idea why, maybe it was just an after thought sort of thing, as I was completely stressed out last night, oh it was so fun. I’ve got to call the hospital, since my eye is getting worse again and I don’t want to go blind. I was hoping that I wouldn’t have to go in, since I have to go to the one in Poole, because the one in Bournemouth doesn’t have what I need and I don’t like going to the hospital, after spending just about half my childhood in them, you might be able to understand why, I seem to associate hospitals with well… dying.
So my computer was stuck in loop all yesterday, which I didn’t think it was going to be able to get out of, meaning no computer, when I have a report to hand in by Monday, which is why I was stressing since, the best IT repair place closed at 2pm on Saturday and isn’t open Sunday, I finish work at 3:30 – you can see the problem. But fortunately after leaving it to run the loop for 2 days and a night it got itself out of it, but it did fuck up my computer, although it does work and so far nothing too terrible has been lost or anything, I’m just scaried to turn it off now, in case it goes back into the loop.
Any ways, at work today I had to refill the salt and pepper shakers. I’ve always wondered why pepper makes you sneeze, I think someone did tell me once, but I can’t remember, it was back in the days when I could conjure up random facts like scittles, but now, my brain is so full of Psychology and my plot lines, there’s no room for the randomness anymore, plus the constant looming insanity. I talk to myself, it’s the first sign you know, I mean I basically have a split personalities, although I guess there more alter egos right now, but knowing me they will slowly crawl out from under that title.
But back to what I was going to say. So I was filling the salt and pepper shakers. Right… when I was a child my mother and I used to bake a lot together – we were pretty stereotypical family really, in the good way – and whenever I would spill salt she would always tell me to throw some over my shoulder, back then I always used to think, “but isn’t that just spilling it again” it’s a bit of loop, fortunately I wasn’t so supersticious that I when around throwing salt over my shoulder for days to try and counteract it. But while I was filling the salt and pepper shakers today – why are they called shakers, is it because you shake them to get the salt and pepper out? – I spilt a little salt and quite a bit of pepper and almost instinctively I found myself getting ready to throw some salt over my shoulder – I did do it when no one was in the kitchen – I sort of did this little double take, as I realised what I was doing. I mean I am sort of supersticious, but not some things and others – like I believe in tarot card readings, but not that taking scissors from someone will give you bad luck, although I didn’t used to be able to take scissors from people, but that was for a different reason – but the whole salt throwing shoulder thing is so ingrained in my… brain that it’s an almost unconscious response, kind of got me thinking, what else do I do that could be thought of as kooky, but I just do it, because? Like how today I got some starburst – because I needed something sweet, after eating just rice and pasta all week, literally, I didn’t go shopping and that’s all I had to eat, better than some though, so I’m not really complaining – and the first thing I did when I opened the packet was pour them all out and count then, into little piles of their colours, then eat the ones that were odd, so there was the same amount of each colour and now when I eat them, I eat one of each colour. I actually do this with all coloured sweets, like tictacs. I know a lot of people will eat two – you know a tic and a tac, right? – but I actually do the exact same thing as I did with the starburst today, unless I can’t because I’m out and about and there’s nowhere to pour them out on, without getting them potentially dirty, then I just eat them in their colours and eat the odd ones last.
I also fold up packaging, all neat. Like my boss gave me a sweet – it’s all about the candy today! – and I ate it on the walk home, folded up the wrapper into a neat little square and put it in the next bin I came to. It’s like I’m trying to… I don’t know make things more neat and tidy.
I noticed this last year, I’m weirdly clean. I mean I can leave my old room back home and not clean it for weeks, but all the pens on my desk will be all in a straight line, in the colour of the rainbow . I can’t think of other examples right now, but it’s not like I can’t deal with dirt or anything, it’s just sometimes or certain things. I would say it’s OCD like, but it’s not, because well I’ve studied OCD with psychology and the symptons aren’t there so…
Any ways, this one has been a weird although perhaps boring one, but hey who said my life was anything but… me!
Any ways, so I picked the Devil – I was only choosing from the major Arcana btw – in four words this card is: Struggle, Decisios, Manipulation and potential. I think all those words can be used to describe this week. I chose that design for the card – from the other’s on google images – because it’s the only one that looked remotely pretty, I know it’s meant to be the devil, doesn’t mean it can’t be pretty, plus I wasn’t feeling the star that was one almost all the others and since I’m not sure I know Bella Rosa, it give me something to learn – I guess – and all that jazz. I just hope I don’t find out something terrible.
So I’ve liked Panic! At the disco… for a while and I came across this song the other day – one from their new album – and yeah… there it is… what can I say… I like it!