Stop me, stopping me…

So I’ve been getting more readers apparently, although I’m not so sure I trust the stats page all that much, but hey ho life goes on.

Is it wrong that I’m more or less on the fence about this new surge in popularity. Don’t get me wrong it’s nice to know that people like my writing and I guess can relate to it or something, since I sort of want to do it for a career – although with fiction instead of fact like this. I’m honestly not sure why, maybe it’s because I’m just that sort of person, but getting more readers… I guess the right word is frightens me, hmmm… that doesn’t quite seem right, but whatever.

So I’ve been being me this past week and by that I mean I’ve had 2 ‘panic attacks’ without my new flatmates knowing and sabotaged my chance at getting a job, all while trying to write my novel, which is not going so well anymore. I just feel sort of bland, these days, so I’m finding it hard to write much and I think I’m going to be so busy – well I’m more hoping I’m going to be so busy – that I won’t have time to write, because I’ll be completely wiped, with jobs and assignments, in-class tests and then next year exams. I was hoping we won’t have an exam in January, but we do and we have a lot of work to do with semester as well. I feel like I might be going to bite off more than I can chew, but I’m going to try and if I fail, well at least I tried right?

I mean I managed to cost through last year, but this year is going to be different, for a start I’m going to try and get 2 or so jobs, probably can’t do more than 2, but one might be enough, I worked out that if I work 20 hours a week for minimum wage I can make the money I want to. But 20 hours is a lot, then add assignments on top of that, so I’m thinking of working through Christmas, as much as I want to go home, although I think if I did I might just go for a week or 2, but the whole holiday, but if I can find a job and all that jazz I just might have my first alone Christmas, although my friend/flatmate is thinking about doing the same, we’re just looking for jobs right now.

Then of course starting next month I’m going to try and sell my writing, well the stuff I’ve written so far. I tried writing something yesterday and it made me sick, not physically, but well I hope you get what I mean.

I sort of had to stop mid sentence almost, but here it is:

Seraphina Thales pressed her fingers to the glass of the carriage. The world outside her window, a dreamland of nightmarish proportions. She had never imagined she would one day leave Padam, but there she was travel through the borderlands of their neighbouring kingdom, steadily adrift to her new home and new life.

She felt the glass ripple under her finger and quickly re-tracked them, her eyes shifted to the man on the other side of the carriage. His eyes met hers and she once again winced at the sight of the scare on his once beautiful face.

“Don’t worry my lady. We will be there soon.” He whispered, but his face betrayed his voice, light with happiness, his eyes shone with the sadness of being ripped from his home and Seraphina knew her own eyes shone with the same light.

“Of course” She nodded, her eyes now traveling to the other member of the carriage, his stomach heaved, fat with luxury. The ambassador of Marzena had been her companion for the last few months and she had come to like him even less than the moment she set eyes on him.

His short blonde hair perpetually greasy and his thin nose, weedy smile and slick voice, reminded her of a rodent. But she had welcomed him, sat with him when bayed to and now she travelled with him.

As he turned to look at her, she swiftly turned her gaze back to the window, trying her hardest not to cry, as she stared through the now warped glass.

“My lady, we are at the castle.” Tohopka’s voice slipped through Seraphina’s sleepy mind. With hesitation she roused herself. Blinked heavily before turned to look at him and once again wincing. One day she hoped she would be able to look at his face without wincing. “My lady?” He held his hand out to her.

She ran a hand over her hair, before taking it and stepping out of the carriage.

Eyes and cheers met her decent.

It seemed that everyone was staring at her; judging her. But she was used to being stared at, at least now she knew what these people were thinking.

They were wondering what this foreign princess was like. Remarking on her appearing, whether or not they thought her beautiful and the strangeness of the things around her.

She had learned that in Marzena a female having a male servant like Tohopka was unheard of. But she had readied herself for this, when she had been told that he would be coming with her.

Letting go of Tohopka’s hand she turned her attention back to the task at hand, making the right impression on her new people and in-laws.

She could just see them, waiting at the top of a flight of stairs, dressed in their best fineries. A lump formed in her throat, as she curtsied to them at the bottom of the steps.

Her eyes flitting from one face to another as she tried to guess with one was to be her husband. She decided upon the one that looked the oldest. He stood to the left of his mother, a face of stone with thin lips and slits for eyes, she couldn’t help but think him ugly, but she reconciled in the fact that at least his bright blonde hair looked clean, unlike their ambassador.

“Your majesty” she said, curtsying again to the King and then the queen. She had seen portraits of them and they had attended festivities when she was younger, but they were all older now and she had never seen portraits of their children.

“Princess Seraphina Thales, we welcome you to the Marzena kingdom. I hope that your journey here was not too much of a strain”. The Queen smiled politely bowing her head.

“I had a very smooth journey, thank you for your concern” Seraphina answered, her tone polite and well-practiced, she curtsied again as she spoke, wondering to herself how long they were going to make her stay at the bottom of the steps.

“Come forward” The King said into the moment of silence. The crowd seemed to hold its breath as she approached the king

It doesn’t have a name yet, but I’ve been re-watching The White Queen and I guess I got inspired by that or something.

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