So I went on a hike in the wood – Brecon to be more exact – with some friends yesterday. We went to try and find some waterfalls and we found one, but somehow we missed the other 3, I’m not sure how, since we were following the trail and all that jazz.
After we headed into town for dinner and drinks and to meet up with another friend and discuss our trip away, which is happening the Monday after next. It’s just crept up on me, soon I’ll be heading back to university.
Part of me is happy about that, because this place is suffocating, but also part of me isn’t so happy, because that means back to work and a sort of reality. I mean I’m going to be living with friends, which means my alone time might be cut back. And when I say alone time, I don’t mean the dirty kind that some people may think, but I just time by myself. I like being around people, but it can be… suffocating sometimes. All those emotions and what not, sometimes I just need to get away. I suppose also living basically alone for a couple years, has made me accustomed to a certain amount of time alone and diving in at the deep end socially probably isn’t the best idea.
Plus I’m going to have to deal with the guy that confessed to me. Part of me just wants to run away and never see him again. Part of me wants to hurt him and the rest just wants to pretend the whole thing never happened and hope he has moved on, far on. Because I don’t know if I can deal with him looking at me like that.
I may be dense about when a person likes me, but I can usually tell when they really want to fuck me. Honestly it’s not that hard to tell and most guys at least, don’t go out of their way to try and hide their… desires. Alright it can be nice, but sometimes not so much.
Any ways we made uncertain plans to have a night out next week, sometime, although two of my girlfriends, seem to be opposed to nights out. One says she doesn’t feel safe, which I suppose I get and the other, well I guess it’s just not her scene, which I also get. So that just leaves the other two and me. Still could be a fun night though, although Hereford isn’t the best place for a night out, as I’ve probably already said, but beggars can’t be choosers.
So I’m thinking about signing up to a dating site for people who are… kinky. I guess I think a 19 year old on a dating site is a little sad in a way, but then again this is the 21st century and we’re all about technology these days. I swear most of my friends could not last half an hour without some form of technology.
I know I can because I’ve actively avoided technology for weekend breaks from it, now and then. But I will admit that sometimes I can be one of those bug eyed people attached to their phone. I mean less so lately, but that’s because I’ve just been leaving it around the house and what not.
Any ways, so back to the main topic, me on a dating site. I started thinking about the idea, after reading this dominants blog, where he met his new submissive online, although he didn’t give the site.
But what’s really holding me back is the risk, I’ve always been a mildly, if not higher, cautious person when it came to online things. Not so much when it came to streaming videos though, I learn about be cautious there the hard way. But when it came to human interactions virtually, I’ve always been cautious.
I mean people lie. I know I do. So why would they suddenly become all truthful, just because they’re online?
Sure not everyone’s going to lie through their teeth or are looking to just hurt people. But you can never be too careful right. Plus since I’m looking for a dominant and I live in Bournemouth for most of the year now, I was thinking about it and thought looking there would be a better idea, than here. Since I might not be coming back here next break – that’ll probably be Christmas break, if I don’t go and work abroad like I was thinking for Christmas. Any ways so the search continues. I guess I’m young and have time, although it never feels like that these days. I feel like… suppressed chaos, if that even makes sense.