When you’re a lamp, you’re a lamp..!

So I’m sort of freaking out – as you do – since I woke up today at the early – or not so early – hour of noon and got up did the usual morning routine, when downstairs and what was waiting for me down there? A letter addressed to me and I knew instantly that it hadn’t come with the post, because it just had my name on it. I was intrigued, until I opened it and saw the Japanese paper inside. My heart sunk and I was tempted to just stuff it back into the envelope and lock it away in a dark corner, but I unfolded it and read it.

Well if you haven’t guessed yet, it was a love letter, from who, well I think I’ve mentioned them in a previous post and how I was hoping that they won’t say anything about their feeling – I know it’s selfish, but I want us to be able to stay friends and I’m not sure if that will be able to happen.

Obviously they don’t value our friendship that much, since they stated in the letter that they would risk our friendship “to be with me”. For one we’ve known each other not that long, I mean maybe someone else and you could get to know them in a few month, but I don’t think you always can with me. I purposefully make myself like that, because I don’t want people to know everything about me straight off the bat, enough, not everything. But any ways the way I see it they don’t like me they like the version of me they have probably half made up in their heads – I know that sounds a little mean and what not, but it’s probably true.

I mean who writes a love letter these days? Sure if you live far away from the person, but we live less than 5 minutes away from each other.

Any ways so now I’m trying to think of a way to nicely let them know I have no interest in becoming their significant other, because I am in no way attracted to them. Although I think I made it pretty clear that I wasn’t looking for a relationship right now. I did that on purpose because I knew that they liked me and all that jazz.

There’s a part of me that wants to act like nothing has happened and just not say anything about it and hope that it just goes away, but imagine that won’t happened and it will just create and space between us, that will eventually lead to the end of our friendship, which is not something that I want.

God I’ve been trying to show them I wasn’t interested in them, but obviously that didn’t work. Is it that I can only be close friends with gay guys and guys already in relationships? It’s not like I’m amazingly beautiful or have a world winning personality, since people that I like aren’t always into me. It seems I just attract unrequited love – oh that’s depressing.

Not that I’ve really been in unrequited love with someone in the last… oh I don’t know how many years of my life.

Quote/saying of the day:¬†Why do people always assume that it’s only girls that friendzone boys? I got slam dunked right into the friendzone quite a while back. Boys friendzone girls too, y’know. – Unknown

So I’m ignoring them for the day, because I don’t want to do something regrettable, which I think I will if I talk to them today, since I have a slightly volatile personality.

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