Fighting back the urge to yell…

Why is it that people are so self centric these days? Or is it that people have always been this way and they just left that out of the history books. And don’t get me wrong when I say people I mean myself included, as I have stated before in probably many a post, I can be cruel and heartless when I want to be and right in this instance I want to be.

So I haven’t been having the best of weeks, but then again I’m sure there will be worse ones to come and much better ones. But what do you do when someone won’t leave, because they are being self centric. Now I’m using the words self centric here, because I don’t fully see what they are doing as selfish, but then again maybe a little bit. Or maybe it’s because if I was in their shoes, I would have left by now the kept my selfish forced sadness to myself. I know that’s harsh saying that my friends unhappiness isn’t real and that I want them to leave, so I can get some sleep, because I have to get up at 8 tomorrow and I just spent the last 6-7 hours doing revision work that they are now thinking they can scrounge off of me, because they just spent those hours reading manga and chatting online with their friends instead of working.

Alright I’m pissed, which is probably impairing my thoughts and judgement right now, which is one of the many reasons I’ve yet to speak to them since they decided to have a little strop

Honestly I just want to gather up all their stuff hand it to them and tell them to leave, but I’m being nice, yes not at nice as I could be, but still nicer than I want to be – that’s got to count for something, I mean I’m keeping my quickly rising temper under control.

Although I do also have it in my mind to lock my rooms door and just leave them out there all night. But I’m not that mean, at least not right now.

I think I might be pushing all my built up bad feelings onto this one moment though, because this week hasn’t been a particularly good one, like I said and right now I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up and my exams were over, but no that’s won’t happen I’ll try and hope I wake up at 8, perhaps do some revision and then probably get a message from Peter around afternoon evening time, asking about the work that he wants to steal off of me and since my then I’ll have probably returned to the less cruel version of myself I’ll send him most of it, like the good friend I am. It’s just he doesn’t even realise where he went wrong and honestly ok, when he took a nap I was ok with it, then he started prying into my personal stuff – mental stuff I mean – and by now with the amount of talking we’ve done I think he would have realised that not the best way to go with me, we’ve known each other less than a year, it took me about 6-7 years to start fully opening up to my friends, I’m not going to chat about my feelings with someone who in comparison I only just met and since I don’t pry into the parts of his life that he doesn’t want me to, because I know there are parts, since he’s told me not to ask about them, I think he could show me the same respect. Maybe it’s the self centric ness or something else that I have yet to give a me and possible un-understandable name.

Quote/saying of the day: Freedom goes hand-in-hand with mutual respect. – Kay Rala Xanana Gusmao

So other than another thing to add to the growing list of slightly – although thankfully not devastating – bad thing that has happened this past week or so. I went back to the hospital to get my eye check to make sure the injection they gave me yesterday, yes an injection with a needle into my eye, worked the way they thought it would and as far as I’m aware I’m on the mend – yay finally something good – meaning I won’t have to go back to the hospital until I get back home for summer – I’m not really a hospital sort of person, I mean I don’t think anyone would be if they’d spent the time I have and made the memories I have in hospitals, plus I have their weird and slightly annoying phobia about sick people, I’m not really sure where it comes from, but yeah, I’m not the best with them and if I had the choice between the two, I’d choose to stay way, it’s one of the many reasons I refer to myself as cruel or maybe that one’s just plain old mean. But hey ho we all have a dark side. And as much as I manage to suppress mine, she’s still there waiting for a crack so she can slip out and shatter mine or some else’s life.

I think I can sometimes be a seriously hot headed person…

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