Please just stay quiet for a little while longer…

So there is no ‘nice’ way to tell someone you don’t want to go out with them. I mean I used to not even have to think about that, because I had a sort of policy of saying yes to the first date and then no after that if it didn’t work out, I thought that was in some ways nicer, but then again in other ways it’s meaner, but whatever I dropped that idea, because I can usually tell when I’m never going to want to go there with someone, sure I’ll love them as a friend, but with me once you’re in the friend zone, you’re going to have to really work to get back out again, I mean you would have to be something along the lines of my perfect person – although I don’t believe in perfect – although I do believe in friends with benefits, but that’s sort of a whole different story with me, usually because that starts from the get go and there isn’t the whole building of the friendship before the fun stuff gets added in. Weird I know, but then I’ have resigned myself to the understanding that I am a ‘freak’ or at least generally ‘fucked up’ – excuse the language.

So why am I trying to find a nice way to turn someone down – why do you think – one of my new university friends – a male for those who were going to wonder – has decided to try and go there with me. He hasn’t actually asked yet, but I’m, usually right about these sorts of things – I knew my friend has lost her virginity before she told me, months later and I knew my other friend had a boyfriend before she told me – maybe I’m intuitive about things, or maybe it’s to do with the empathy stick, but whatever, I’m playing it dumb, because I’m sort of hoping that he will never get my to courage to ask me, or at least only do it right before I leave for summer so that he can get over it and we can be friends, because he’s a good friend. I know that’s not exactly nice, but one of my other male friends has a crush on me, never said anything and got over it and we’re still good friends, at least I think we are, it’s been a while since we last spoke face to face, but we talked over facebook and what not.

Ah this is an annoying situation, because one of the things that I liked about him when we first met, was that he didn’t seem to be wanting to go there and that was nice. I mean sure we talk for hours on end and he’s sort of got the same mind set I had about 6-7 years ago, which can be annoying at times, but then again he’s always talking about change, but I don’t think he really wants to considering I did it, because I pushed myself to change, because I wasn’t going in a health direction and I new that. but any ways all that just makes him a good friend and a person I would like to remain friends with, not a potential significant other. I’m not even sure if I want a relationship right now, especially as I think I want to have a summer fling this summer, although that might just be a booze talking – yeah I’ve been drinking alone, sad I know, but I’ve sort of been stressing, about my future and exams and tests and assignments and money and now him.

I’ve been looking around for some part-time/summer work and I’ve found some online stuff, which could be good or could be terrible, although if they ever get back to me I could earn £9000 in 4 months, although the job might not last that long, but still it’s high pay for what I have to do, which is next to nothing and I would love the money, since my savings is looking a little poorly at the moment. I was invited to go to Japan next summer and I want to go to New Orleans the summer after that, which could cost £4000-8000 for both trips depending on how much money I want to spend while there and all that jazz, plus I want to go to some festivals and stuff this summer, with my friends and they were talking about going to Italy next summer. I can’t wait till this semester is over, right now. All my assignment and tests and exams over and I don’t have to give a damn until results day, but no I’m not there yet.

I’m also considering becoming a mother’s helper, although I have next to no experience and since I was thinking about going for newborns and toddlers sort of age, I mean I have friends with children and I’ve helper out with them now and then, but you can’t really put that on a CV. I also thought about pet sitting over the summer, I found a company that pay £13-30/day which I’m, not too sure, but I think that’s good, I mean I’m not too sure how long there ‘day’ is, so I could be under minimum wage, but as a first proper paying job, I think it’s good and I think it was a somewhat link to the line of work I might want to do in the future.

I’ve also been doing a bunch of online surveys, so hopefully those won’t be dead ends, although one was, you had to complete offers – I wasn’t sure when it said offers, but I tried it – it was a total waste of time, a lot of the offers you would end of spending more money than you go back and I’m not looking to put my card details on the internet any more than they already are. I did however sign up for a 30 day trial with Now TV, probably not the best time to do that, with my exams right around the corner and all that jazz, but I’ll deal. I mean there’s actually not that much on there that I want to watch and I’ll have about 3 days after my exams to binge watch whatever I want to watch and then cancel account.

Quote/saying of the day: We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. – David Mamet, Boston Marriage

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