After all of that… here’s some more!

So all my exams are over – yay!

The one today went as good as it could go really, apart from the fact that I finished  an hour early, so I spent the last hour writing a conclusion and trying to think what the dates were for the studies I used. But I suppose it was good that I managed to finish so quickly I hope, since one part was multiple choice and I only spent 10 minutes finishing 40 or so question and then 20 writing the essay and checking my work. At least I hope it’s a good sign, I mean the topic I wanted to came up – perception – so I knew all I could know about that and I think my essay was as good as it was going to get, although I’m not so sure about the multiple choice answers, although one of the questions didn’t have the right answer listed – I checked later – so I’m not sure what was up with that and I changed a couple of my questions when I was checking, which is not always a good thing with me.

But oh well it’s over and now I’m going to go and eat Japanese food with my friend and possible try sake, which is apparently like vodka and since I like that, I’m hoping to like this and potentially get a little tipsy. Then it’s back home tomorrow and then on Sunday I’m heading up to Nottingham to see the cousins for 2 days and then summer break truly begins.

Although I’ve been expecting a package all week and it still hasn’t arrived, so I’m a little worried, but hopefully it will arrive tomorrow – finger crossed and all that jazz – if not I don’t think I’ll be getting it, since they return any parcels to sender and I’m not sure if the sender will resend it, or give me a refund – I at least hope they do one or the other and don’t just keep the product without doing anything.

I’m also expecting a parcel at home on Monday/Tuesday, so I’m a little worried about that since I won’t be around most of Monday. And I’ve still got to buy my brother his birthday present and sort out a day to doing some planning for our trips with my friends, because that’s got confusing, plus some other stuff. Now that exams are over I can properly focus on the rest of my life and all that jazz.

And then there’s the job hunt, although I joined a whole bunch of online things to try and earn/save money during the holidays, but I still want to find a ‘real’ job, since I think that would be better and it would pay better, plus there’s the added bonus of being around actual people, which although I may not always like, since a simply bad thing, so I’m going to continue applying and hoping to find something, simple close and well paying, or just simple and close and pays minimum wage, because that’s all I want right now and all I really expect. Although I found a dog walking job and after looking online I found that dog walking usually work for £7+ p/h but since I wouldn’t consider myself professional – I used to have a dog, but haven’t for a few years, that reminds me I have to find the cats a new home for when the father sells the house – I think I’m going to only ask for £7 p/h and see how that goes down, since they ask applicants to tell them how much they would work for, and the job is just a 20-30 minute walk away, so it’s great for me and there’s the added bonus of getting exercise on the job and then walk or possible cycling there as well, since I’m going to try and work out more this summer, because I have hardly any muscle any more and I like being slightly toned – not monstrously muscular, that’s not for me, but toned a little here and there is nice, plus exercise can be fun and all that jazz.

This is just something something

So I’ve had the idea for this one floating around for a while and I just started, writing it, so I thought I’d post it.

I should probably state it does have a little bit of violence and some blood in it, so yeah, you’ve been warned.

So at the moment this is called Angel for Flesh, but it’s a working title, I just needed something to call it.

Laughter rang out though the night. A quiet jest of what should be joy, followed by the screams of lost innocence, in the agony of unwanted pleasure. You would think in a city so big and full that it bustled, with the squirms of untold life, someone would care enough to stop and listen.

But to the minds of humans the vastness of such exquisite agony, was to small when compared to their own individuality.

He stood fast in the belief that no one would peer into the darkness, for fear of viewing their deepest fears. For all of this city must walk the line, never straying into the dark or the light, for they maybe swallowed by it.

The cruel slowness of his, quick and torturous act, would haunt her until the day she chose to paint her world scarlet. And with the cracking of her throat she believed she would taste such pleasure tonight. He on the other hand, knew he would be rolling in it for days to come and even more so if he was to see her again.

He never felt more pleasure than in these moments, singularly cut out from his life by their intensity. But tonight was different. Tonight was singularly more magnificent then any that had come before. The thought of putting her in this sinful state, had made him shiver even before he had touched her flesh.

Footsteps ripped him out of his jubilation. He quickly clad himself in his armour, which had been scrubbed clean from any dirt, so as to not suggest what lurked beneath. She lay behind him unconscious. Her wilted body looking much more relaxed than it should have done.

“She’s not dead right?” the voice asked out of the darkness, the owner of the footsteps, bringing like to a haunting sound. He relaxed, his armour clinking at the seems, as he put down his shield.

He bared his perfectly straight teeth and let loose a stifled laugh, a fragile echo of the one that streaked through the night before. A nervous attempt to create familiarity. “No just unconscious. I think I got a little excited with this one.”

“Well I can understand why” the footsteps said, as the owner of them came into the light. His hat and suit, suggesting class he did not posses.

The light glinted upon the metallic symbolization of his rand and station. “This one something. I’m a little jealous you got to her first, mate.” the officer cracked a smile that displayed several false teeth.

“I would say take her, but I think I might keep this one” his smile grew wider, his white teeth flashing in the moonlight that was gently beginning to drift into the alley.

“Come on Karl share” the officer half jested, bending down to run his fingers through the girls long brown hair.

A shadow flitted across the moon, pausing Karl in his response. “Maybe we should go” he muttered, moving slightly towards her, as his eyes drifted to the starless sky.

“Aww and I thought we could have some fun” a new voice spoke from above and a figure materialised out of the building beside them. They swished towards Karl and the officer. Their face shadowed by long black tresses.

“We would love to play with you, darling” Karl smirked, the rotten darkness was screaming out for this woman, even without him seeing her face, he could tell she was beautiful, perhaps even better than the woman that lay behind him.

“I’m sorry, mate, but we don’t have time for that” the officer said, not even bothering to take his eyes off of the girl that lay before him. “Get rid of her, quickly”. Sighing with disappointment Karl pulled out his knife and ran for the girl.

The sound of flesh being parted by metal followed. Permeated only by the grunts and groans of death, which were soon silenced by the thump of a body hitting the ground.

“Come on, help me life her” the officer called. He moved to lift her feet, but was stopped by the feeling of dread that ran up his back and made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

Slowly he reached into his coat and spinning round he drew his gun.

the mussel of the gun landed pressed over the heart of the heavenly gorgeous woman that stood behind him.

The moonlight glistened on the scarlet blood – that had once belonged to Karl – which was splashed across her left side.

“Who are you?” the officer whispered.

She smiled an animalistic smile, which showed her extended k-nines. “Honey, you couldn’t even comprehend”.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her hand move and without stopping to think, he pulled the trigger.

Blood exploded behind her, showering down in little ruby droplets, as two long pieces of metal burst from her back. Like wild beasts that had been set free from their cage, they shot out with vicious finality, towards the moon and then spread out to cast an ominous shadow over the officer, blotting out the shine of the full moon.

“What are you?” the officer shook from head to toe, his gun almost slipping from his fingers.

She threw her head back and a soft groan slipped between her lips. Then with a shiver, she truned her gaze back to him.

“What am I? I’m you’re best nightmare, honey” she smiled as she flexed her wings and came at him.

“I’m home Laz” Nixar called, pulling off her blood soaked jacket and throwing it into the corner, where a dog waited eagerly to tear it to shreds. “Still haven’t gotten rid of the mutt” she half muttered, as she headed for the stairs.

“What was that about my precious Liza?” Laz smirked as Nixar entered his room.

The huge inky purple curtains were closed as usual and the ancient chandelier that hung from the ceiling, cast a half light, which didn’t reach the corners of the room. A shattered mirror hung half fallen on the wall, between the door and the fireplace, which sparked with its usual blue flames. Next to this was the door into the bathroom. The furthest corner from the window housed a four poster bed, which could easily sleep 4 people, it had satin sheets and heavy curtains.

“What do you have for me today?” Laz asked, leaning back in his chair. Nixar smiled, she could feel Laz’s eager eyes on her , but she took her time walking over to him. The mossy red carpet, squelched silently under her bare feet.

Finally she reached him and gently pulled out a piece of black cloth. Setting it lightly on the desk between them, she let the pieces of material slip through her fingers. They drifted to the desk top, like raven feathers, to reveal the bloody mess of flesh within.

“The best I could find. ‘Comparative evil'”.

Laz’s smile grew malicious and he gestured for her to come to him.

Swiftly she settled herself into his lap, her entire body relaxing as she settled into him, breathing in his familiar scent. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in closer, as he whispered in her ear. “Let’s have a bite”.

Nixar reached over the desk to pick up the flesh. As she did so Laz’s arms tightened around her, a sign of his eager anticipation and possessiveness. She revelled in the feeling of his constraints, tightening her own grip on the flesh. It oozed blood, which slithered through her fingers, thick; a statement of it’s defiance, for being removed from its master.

She raised it to her lips. Her breath coming out short, as Laz flexed around her.

Blood spilled over her lips, as she bit into the flesh, wandering down her chin. In one swift move Laz caught the droplet before it fell. He gently ran it up her chin and smudged it across her bottom lip with his thumb. Hesitantly she licked the blood from his finger. Suddenly he pulled her head upwards and leaning down pressed his lips to hers, running his tongue over her bottom lip. She let out a small grasp, as his hold around her tightened, her  own grip mimicking his, sending streams of blood down her arm to drip from her elbow to her bare thigh.

“So sweet” he whispered as their lips parted. She hung for a moment, trying her best to hold onto the sensation of his kiss.

His hand slipped down to guide her, blood covered one, to his mouth, so he could take a bite. He never broke his eye contact with her, as he ate.

Once finished he began to clean the blood off her, first her palm, then each of her finger, finally down her arm. Until she couldn’t take it any more. Lifting her hand, she splayed it across his cheek, begging him to close the distance between their lips.

He obliged, leaning down to press his lips to hers. She pursed her lips, allowing him entrance to her mouth. His mouth and tongue, tasted sickly sweet. Beckoning her to become intoxicated on his kisses.

A vicious delight, cut too short by the parting of their lips.

“More” she whispered.

“So greedy today” he smirked, the pleasure in his voice only driving her greed. “How are your brother and sisters?” he asked  to in a wicked attempt change the subject.

“Fine, fat and fed” Nixar muttered back, a pout forming on her rouged lips.

He laughed softly at her pout. “Well since you’ve done such a good job, perhaps I shall give you a reward” he whispered. Making her shiver, as he ran his long finger tips, down her body. “But what to give you?” he questioned, his fingers still tracing her body.

“Wicked” she whimpered, shivering with his every touch.

“The most wicked. But you love my wickedness” he whispered, before tilting her head back and kissing her, deeply, passionately, wickedly.

Nixar scrubbed at her arm to make sure all the blood had been washed away. The bubbles popped around her as she plunged her hand back into the water, which had turned a delicate shade of pink, reminding her of freshly bruised skin.

She smiled at the thought, before rising and wrapping herself in a towel, exiting the bathroom.

“Fresh?” Laz asked, before taking her hand and pressing his lips to the back. He nipped it gently, before letting go.

Nixar stretched “Fresh” she answered pulling on some clean clothes from the huge dark wood wardrobe, which won’t look out of place in a castle.

Laz watched her for a moment, before returning to his papers. “Your siblings were calling” he said, his attention obviously drifting.

“I’ll be back soon” Nixar called, as she headed for the door.

“Feed the dog”

“I gave him my jacket earlier. When are you going to get rid of that thing?” she paused in the doorway her head tilted to one side slightly, a quiet smile playing across her lips.

“Perhaps tomorrow” Laz muttered. The same old answer. She did not understand why he seemed to love Liza so much, but then again she did not deign to suggest she understood Laz.

She mentally shook herself, as she hurried downstairs to find out what her siblings wanted.

“Peter, why were you calling for me?” Nixar asked, crouching down, so that she was closer to him.

“She was making a fuss over the fact, she doesn’t have a name yet.”

Nixar moved over to the one Peter had gestured to. She lay to one side, away from the others.

Nixar stared down at her for a moment and she turned and stared right back. Then Nixar kicked her square in the face.

“You will be given a name, when you have earned it” Nixar yelled down at her. The other crowded round, looks of utter awe, plastered on their faces.

Nixar glared down at her whimpering form for a moment, before walking back to the door.

“Peter, make sure she is punished appropriately” Nixar spat over her shoulder.

“Yes of course” Peter answered, before crawling over to the whimpering form. She spluttered and groaned, a deformed tongue spoiling her words.

“I don’t want to hear it” Nixar said menacingly, before quickly closing the door begin herself. A strained scream, grappled for Nixar, as she walked away, but she shrugged it off and headed back to Laz’s room.

Oh this was something that helped inspire me when writing this, so I thought I’d just put it here at the end.

Let me go down…

So this post is going to be dirt.

I mean I’m just saying it up front, so if you don’t think you want to know, or can’t handle it, or shouldn’t know/handle it, because I do believe in the idea that children are innocent, or at least should be and hopefully will have innocent childhood, and all that jazz, please stop reading now. Go read one of my other posts, or just leave my blog, I don’t completely mind.

Any ways so recently I’ve had sex on the brain, alright I’m going to just say it, I’ve been horny. But hey, I haven’t have sex in a while and for those of you that aren’t virgins any more – and although I’m not sure if it’s the same for men – good sex is almost worth souls – if that makes any sense. I mean it’s like that quote; “Sex is like oxygen, it’s only important when you’re not getting any” Although I think this applies to both gender, I’m not sure if this applies to everyone or virgins. I know when I was a virgin I wanted to have sex and I got horny and what not, but after I lost my virginity it was a whole different ball game.

Now on this blog, I don’t really talk about sex a lot – I don’t think – I mean I think I’ve brought it up from time to time, danced around with the subject a bit and possible teased a little, but this isn’t a blog about sex, this isn’t a documentation of my sexual exploits, because recently there haven’t been any – with other people, if you get where I’m going…

But like I said recently I’ve had sex on the brain and because you don’t know me – if you do, please forget this blog even exists – I’m going to say for the record, I love sex and I see myself as both a sexual and possible perverse – I think I’ve stated that in one of my past posts – depending on your way of think, person. But I love that about myself, although I have to admit I’ve always had a thing for… sin.

Although now I don’t really see it as sin, it’s normal for me, diffidently not normal for everyone else.

Any ways in a past post I’ve talking lightly on the subject of my S&M or BDSM preferences, but honestly when I’m doing it with a guy that just want something vanilla or much more on the side of ordinary, it seems that part of myself comes through in the strong desire to bring my partner pleasure.

Don’t get me wrong with is not an altruistic act, because I get pleasure out of their pleasure. But then again I’ve always been a person who liked to make people feel good, whether that was sexually or not, but then I’m also a contradiction in a way, as I’m a Sadist – and a Masochist, which I don’t think is super normal, but then I’ve never met another person who considers themselves to be both.

So yeah, I was thinking about sex and my past sexual exploits and what I did that gave my partner the most pleasure, well the guy. I’m going to stick with talking about the male persuasion in this post – mostly – because I realised recently that when it comes to females I want a relationship, but when it comes to males I’m up for either. Maybe it’s because I’m way picky when it comes to girls, or something. So when I find one I like I don’t want to let her go, just in the hopes of finding something a little better, that’s sort of vulgar in a way – I think I just called myself vulgar there…

So back to the point – or something like that. Apparently I’m good at what I’ve done, I’m not trying to brag and I’m not saying I’m an expert or earth shatteringly amazing, but so far I’ve had nothing but praise. However I thought to myself I can do better than this. I wanted to know how I could make my partner feel, so much better, so I did what anyone does when they want to learn, researched.

Ok at first I was like should I just watch porn, but then I’m no porn star and although I did contemplate getting into that sort of line of work – although I don’t think I could ever do porn, because I’m so shy – I decided I didn’t want to go done that route, because that can back fire.

So I went down a more literary route, starting with site done by males, because who know what a guy like when it come to his penis better than a guy right?

I didn’t really want to get any tips of the actually – heterosexual – act of sex – yes the word heterosexual was needed there, because homosexual sex is different and not just in mechanics – I mean everyone can improve and all that, but I wanted to up my job game and by that I mean my blow job and handy.

I actually found it strange how when you typed in the based search of ‘how to…’ how many sites came up that were written by females for females. Although there was one that was an extension – sort of thing – from a site primarily based for males, so I started there. It was interesting, but very lacking, all the information is had was stuff I already knew. I actually sometimes think I know more about the penis than I do about the vagina, which annoys me sometimes – I’m going to have to up my homosexual sex knowledge after I’m done with the hetero.

So after that lacking site, I went a tried the female written ones. They had a lot more, but the problem I have here is they had all that tips that seems super… singular and I was thinking would every guy really like that.

One of my previous partner liked me to massage his balls while I was giving him head and I never wanted to climax in me, he liked cumming on me, which was fun, but I don’t think every guy would always like that.

Although one site did suggest asking your guy to wank in front of you, so you can get an idea as to what he likes, which I thought was a brilliant idea. They also suggested blindfolding him while he does it, because some guys might be shy, plus you get the extra bonus of the whole heightened senses thing going on, so I’m all up for trying that one. And then of course nearly ever site I went to was warning about too dry and too fast handies, although one girl did question the too fast thing, because she assumed a guy would like it the same as he fucks, I mean her theories sound, but I think I get why guys might not, maybe I’ll ask my next one. Because I’m planning on have a very… active summer this year.

There were also some other tips to do with the anus area, but with some guys that a complete no go zone and then other it’s a ‘alright I’ll try’ and then some are just fine and dandy with it. So I feel it’s best to just straight up ask, although maybe in a round about way, if you think he’s not going to be into it, because that might be a huge turn-off and that’s no fun. I think communication is an important aspect of good sex, although I don’t think I’m one of those lucky – sons of bitches- that are just somehow naturally gifted with being about to find people’s g-spots straight away, so I talk and I like talking about sex, like I said I consider myself to be a sexual person, maybe it’s my openness on the subject that makes people think I want to have sex with them, when sometimes I don’t – hmm something to think about.

But any ways I’ve got a couple tricks to try next time I’m giving a handy, so think I’m going to have some fun with that. And with the hand job research over, I moved onto… the blow job. Now I think I’m pretty competent in that area, since the first time I gave someone head he blatantly told me he didn’t believe it was the first time I’d given head and I was good at it. To be honest I just follow my instinct on this one, although instinct may not be the right word, but it fits. I’m never really all in my head when it comes to sex or anything sexual I just follow the pleasure, which I think is s good thing. If you’re over thinking it you’re probably not going to be having half as good a time and odds are you’re partner ain’t going to be having the time of their lives either. So keeping things… relaxed and pleasurable are a must, I’m doing this because it feels good and because it makes them feel good, I’m not taking a test – you know what I’m trying to say. Sure you can think, but don’t over think, well that’s the way I go.

So back to the blow job. Reading through these sites, actually gave me an idea as to why I’m apparently good at giving head. For one thing I think the fact that I actually like giving head is one of the reasons. I know a lot of girls don’t, it’s sort of more a means to an end for them and I think maybe that can come across and just make it less enjoyable. Although that might just be me, if my partner’s not enjoying it, I sure ain’t going to be enjoying it as much. Hence the whole; ‘I like to get people off’.

Plus I have this thing about mouth, my own one included, although I don’t completely see it as a just sexual thing, although I’m not too sure… it’s just a thing. I don’t know how to better describe it, although the size of my mouth bothers me a little, because it’s not super big, probably average – people can always find something to complain about when it comes to size. Although I like my tongue and my teeth, but then I wants to bite people sometimes, because that kind of turns me on, sometimes. I guess I’m just kinky like that.

Any ways back to the sites, lots of them were similar to the handy tips, although different. Talking about asking the guy what he likes, again communication. It would be great if I could just magically know, but unfortunately I don’t so, let’s chat! But then you can just make that dirty talk, rather than a Q&A style thing – so not as fun.

There were also a couple tongue techniques that I’d like to try out, because they seem pretty basic things I can do, to just push him a little over the edge, although if I did them wrong, it could be potentially disastrous, and there was something about using teeth, but I don’t think I’m going to go there any time soon – teeth seem to be a hard one to do right.

But then when it comes down to actually using all this knew found knowledge, I might just apply a few tips, because like I said before, I don’t want to be all up in my head.

I think I’m going to leave it there for now. I did have some other stuff I was going to talk about, but now I’m feeling this was enough, perhaps another post.

If you believe it, believe it…

So after spending last night, wanting to bang my head against the wall, because of my mentally straining creativity essay – you’d think an essay about creativity might be… oh I don’t know creative in some way or at least mildly interesting, well you’d be wrong – I spent the majority of today finishing that off and also shopping, or rather window shopping through my computer, since I wasn’t intending on buying anything today, I was just getting stuff set up for when I do want to go ahead and buy.

I’m not too sure if I’ve said anything about this – but I’m guessing I have. I’ve decided to try my hand at magic and I’m not talking rabbit out a hat sort of magic here, I’m talking circle magic. One of the series I’ve been reading has circle magic as a major factor in the story and I’ve always had an interest in that sort of thing, so I decided that this summer I’m going to try casting my own circle. Since I’m not ready to declare myself a Wiccan or anything, I’m sort of making it up as I go along and not sticking to an ‘traditional’ method, or maybe a better way of saying that is, I’m not just sticking to one method or idea. I’m hoping that doesn’t mean something terrible will happen, because I do have a health respect for the forces of nature and magic, since I do believe in magic, although maybe not the kind other people believe in or maybe they do and I don’t know about it.

But any ways I’ve been shopping for the things I’ll need to cast my circle and what not, since I wanted to get a stone or crystal to represent all 5 elements: Water, Air, Fire Earth and Akasha – or as it maybe more commonly known spirit. In the end I decided on Lapis Lazuli – for water. Citrine – for air. Sun stone – for fire, I know that one seems a little on the nose, but I think the stone looks right somehow. Malachite – for earth. And Amethyst – for Akasha/spirit. I also wanted to find some nice candles, because I wanted to get some tall ones, not tea lights or anything like that, in the end I did find one for each element, although I’m still not so sure about the blue one. I don’t know whether to go dark or light blue, I chose one that was midnight blue, or at least that’s what the description says, but the picture makes it look quite a lot more on the side of sky blue, although that might just be the picture, I suppose I’ll see when it arrives. I also looked for a cup, but unfortunately I couldn’t find out I liked, that didn’t have specific marking on it, like the star or symbols like that and I want one without anything like that, so I’m thinking I might just use a wine glass or something like that. Although I did find this really lovely incense burner, but I couldn’t find any candle holders, because I want to cast outside, I thought candle holders would be a good idea, since I won’t have anyone other than me there, but we do have some at home, so I might be able to find some there. And I did manage to find all the herbs and what not that I wanted, which is great, I thought some of them would be really hard to find, but they were quite readily available – I also decided to start wearing nail polish in the 5 element colours, not tradition or anything, but I need to get a yellow and then I can start doing it.

So yeah. I had a once again somewhat dull – and brain numbing – day, but a productive one as well. I thinking productive is the watch word for the next 2 weeks, when my exams will be over – yay, I can’t wait – and I’ll be off home for the summer. Some of the people living around me have already left – and I thought I was leaving early, they’re leaving super early. I know that at least one of my house mates will be here after I have gone, because she’s going to the University’s summer ball, which apparently is more along the lines of a fun fair, than a ball. I was thinking about leaving them a note to let them all know I’m gone, since one of my house mates has been staying with his girlfriend a lot, so he might not be around when I leave, also with the whole cleaning the house thing, I don’t want them to think I’m not doing my share. I think I’m going to take the bins out and maybe wipe down the surfaces before I go, I know it’s not much, but at least I’m trying to do something, although thinking about it they’ll probably get dirty again after I’m gone, so it might not be worth it – I’ll see when the day comes around.

Quote/saying of the day: The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it. – J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

When you’re a lamp, you’re a lamp..!

So I’m sort of freaking out – as you do – since I woke up today at the early – or not so early – hour of noon and got up did the usual morning routine, when downstairs and what was waiting for me down there? A letter addressed to me and I knew instantly that it hadn’t come with the post, because it just had my name on it. I was intrigued, until I opened it and saw the Japanese paper inside. My heart sunk and I was tempted to just stuff it back into the envelope and lock it away in a dark corner, but I unfolded it and read it.

Well if you haven’t guessed yet, it was a love letter, from who, well I think I’ve mentioned them in a previous post and how I was hoping that they won’t say anything about their feeling – I know it’s selfish, but I want us to be able to stay friends and I’m not sure if that will be able to happen.

Obviously they don’t value our friendship that much, since they stated in the letter that they would risk our friendship “to be with me”. For one we’ve known each other not that long, I mean maybe someone else and you could get to know them in a few month, but I don’t think you always can with me. I purposefully make myself like that, because I don’t want people to know everything about me straight off the bat, enough, not everything. But any ways the way I see it they don’t like me they like the version of me they have probably half made up in their heads – I know that sounds a little mean and what not, but it’s probably true.

I mean who writes a love letter these days? Sure if you live far away from the person, but we live less than 5 minutes away from each other.

Any ways so now I’m trying to think of a way to nicely let them know I have no interest in becoming their significant other, because I am in no way attracted to them. Although I think I made it pretty clear that I wasn’t looking for a relationship right now. I did that on purpose because I knew that they liked me and all that jazz.

There’s a part of me that wants to act like nothing has happened and just not say anything about it and hope that it just goes away, but imagine that won’t happened and it will just create and space between us, that will eventually lead to the end of our friendship, which is not something that I want.

God I’ve been trying to show them I wasn’t interested in them, but obviously that didn’t work. Is it that I can only be close friends with gay guys and guys already in relationships? It’s not like I’m amazingly beautiful or have a world winning personality, since people that I like aren’t always into me. It seems I just attract unrequited love – oh that’s depressing.

Not that I’ve really been in unrequited love with someone in the last… oh I don’t know how many years of my life.

Quote/saying of the day: Why do people always assume that it’s only girls that friendzone boys? I got slam dunked right into the friendzone quite a while back. Boys friendzone girls too, y’know. – Unknown

So I’m ignoring them for the day, because I don’t want to do something regrettable, which I think I will if I talk to them today, since I have a slightly volatile personality.

Because keeping one isn’t hard enough…

So yeah, if you have any tips for a student that is job hunting or a job that you think I could do or something ANYTHING! then feel free to let me know about it.

As the job search continues and it’s not like there isn’t jobs out there, there just isn’t any jobs that I can do, because everyone wants experience and how can I get experience if I can’t do the job to get the experience of doing it? Although there are a couple I’m looking at, but by the time I’ve paid for transport, I won’t be getting any money, because they pay minimum wage and the price of the bus ticket is exceedingly high in Hereford, at least the one from Madley to Hereford seems to be. I mean it’s about 3x the price of a one here in Bournemouth, so I thought I might be able to ask for transport money, but I think most places won’t be into doing that, but I’m going to try. There are a couple positions in care homes around the place, but once again travel. I now truly wish I had learnt to drive before this point and so transport might not have been as big an issue.

Although I’m not sure if the father has sold my brother’s old moped, so maybe I can commandeer that for a month or two. But I’m not sure about insurance and all that jazz, also I don’t think it’s very good, as in it used to break down every time it rained and the fuel is probably exceeding expensive as well – we’ll see when I get back home, if that works out, until then… more hunting.

Plus then there’s the full time jobs, which I can’t apply for because I’m looking for a part time job right now, although it’s nice to know that there are psychology related jobs around this area, as I might be returning after university and will most diffidently need a full time job then to pay the bills, because I don’t want to just go and live with the father and do nothing with my days. But that’s in the future, I need to find a part time job now and all this less than fruitful searching is making me frustrated, it seems that every time I find a job I can do and sounds good for me, it’s in another city and so I can’t do it and then the ones near by are all looking for people with experience, although there was one that was offering training on the job, but it didn’t state where it was, so I’m going to have to ring them up, completely dreading that, because I’m not so good over the phone, really. I’d much rather e-mail them about the job, but everywhere wants you to ring first and all that jazz.

.Quote/saying of the day: As a job seeker, remember this: You only lack experience if they want it done the same old way. ~Robert Brault