I’m freaking out right now, I’ve got an exam Thursday and I know nothing. I’m not exaggerating here, I mean nothing. Maybe I could dig into the black pit of my memory and pass the multiple choice part of the exam – crapping by – but I cannot write an essay and I’m not good at exams in general.
But I’ve got no one to blame but myself and my stupidity and determination, but if I pass all of my other assignments and the next two exams, then it might not matter, or I might just have to retake, although I have a strong disliking of retaking – maybe it’s because I have the stupidest hard-wired brain, but whatever. I wish I could just dedicate my life to fictional writing and not have to get a ‘real’ job, but I’ve not got the confidence or the skills to do that, so exam stress it is. I mean this is university, big stuff, can’t blag your way through this one, I’m not even sure how I got in, but now I’ve got to stay in, because I cannot redo this year and I can’t fail, because I have no plan, which means I’ll just go home and bum around until the father screams at me for doing nothing with my life.
I’ve heard the speech he gave my brother, I don’t need to hear it again, not that he would really be disappointed, because I don’t think he really expects much from me, even though the I’m the youngest of his children to actually go to University, nearly was going to be the only one, until the older brother decided he wanted to take part time courses or something.
But as I told my friend this is the first year, it can’t be that hard, right?
God I wish it was summer already I had finished my exams and was off for my summer break. I’ve got big plans for this summer, big and possible out of my ‘league’ plans, but I’m going to try and make it happen, so hopefully because I really want it the whole universe will conspire to help me get it, since that’s what’s meant to happen according to certain people. But don’t worry, I’m not leaving it to the universe completely, just a little bit here and there. Plus if it works out this could be a great summer vacation. I want to have another summer fling this year. I say nothing but last year it wasn’t really a proper summer fling.
Speaking of fling, I’ve managed to fling Mr G. I hope. I haven’t gotten a text from him in a while and despite my worries he hasn’t gone to stalker levels – yet! I’m hoping that his clingy nature was just exaggerated via text and he’s not really that clingy, because if he is, I’m thinking I’ll be hearing from he soon. But I’m glade it flung him, because he wasn’t exactly good for me or anything and now I can think about getting into a relationship if I want to and I’m not sure if I want to, I think I’ve got too much of a stereotypical ‘guy’ perspective on relationships now. Honestly that’s not all my fault, a string of bad relationships and growing up in a house with really only males can do that to you, or turn you into a super slut, not that I don’t like to think I have a little of both in me.
Any ways moving on, I’ve always wanted to travel and I think it would be fun to travel with friends, since I’m all shy and sometimes antisocial and whatnot, plus one of my friends can speak Spanish, which could come in handy and all that jazz. So this summer I want to give in to my traveller spirit and go abroad, but right now all I’ve got is a plan and hope. There’s a lot to plan and do before I get anywhere and a lot to save, since I’ve a poor student and most of friends are also poor students that means I don’t really have the money to go abroad, but I’ve got a plan to get it and enough to get my friends with me, not sure how much I can make, so I’m not sure who I’ll be able to invite, so I made a list and decided who I would rather going on holiday abroad with and then depending how things pan out I’ll go from there and all that jazz.
I’m going to try and make the swimsuit or rather finish the swimsuit I started way too late last year.
Quote/saying of the day/week: We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. – David Mamet.