Faith or love, with fight or flight

So it seems my year or so of peace, was only going to last that long. It’s a pity because I thought that I could do this and overcome the ‘demons’ of my past. Normal was beginning to feel like an actual thing for me, I mean I was quite ordinary in the sense that I would have liked to have been, but I thought I was getting there, how stupid and delusional that idea seems now. If I was religious I would probably be saying that this is my punishment or something – I mean I was a certain type of religious – but I’m not. To be honest a lot of the religious people I meet scare me, but I’m also fascinated by them. Putting so much faith in the idea of one thing, one high power, which they would do anything for. That’s also the thing that fascinates me about love, but then maybe faith in God and love for another person – or persons – aren’t all that different and maybe that’s just another one of my problems.

Oh dam I’m just whining again, I tend to end up doing that a lot, all bark no bite. But then if you pushed me into a corner, I’d bite your throat out if I thought that was the way out. If it’s me or someone else, I think I’d probably most of the time choose me, although I suppose it might change depending on the person, but it’s just biology. Like the other day my friend wanted to find out if people were fight or flight as their ‘natural setting when scared’ she was went around scaring people in one way or another and it seems I’m fight, I almost punched her in the face.

So today was a wet the cold summers day, because yes it’s meant to be summer now, but someone forgot to tell the weather, because it’s still acting like it’s the beginning of spring. It’ll be Easter soon and I can’t wait, because with Easter comes a holiday and with a holiday comes time away from… everything that I don’t want to be around. Although I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to eat Easter eggs, because of my diet and to be honest that sort of the only part of Easter that my family has done in years, but when I was younger we used to celebrate a bit more, and the Grandmother sometimes came over, with the religious side of it, which is one of the reasons why I know that Christ wasn’t born on Christmas day, but let’s not get into that. But then I might just break my diet and gorge on chocolate then go into a sort of dark spiral and stop eating properly for a while, then take the diet back up again, but hey-ho the world has wicked things in it.

So… I went to see that new Noah film over the weekend, which is probably what got me thinking about religion and all that. I was surprised it was a 12A, because there was quite a bit of violence/gore in it. Such as the bit where the men are ripping animals apart and the bit where the girls gets trampled to death and so on and so forth. And I also think it was exactly super accurate, but hey-ho artistic license and all that jazz. It’s not like they said it was going to be the actually bible story, but film based on the story I suppose. Although it did raise a couple of questions about incest, which I would one day like to ask a Christian about, as I’m sure there’s an answer, I just didn’t see it or something like that. Such as the whole Adam and Eve only have 3 sons. I never really thought about it before, but where did all the other people come from? Did God make more people or the 3 sons wives or something? I feel like I’m missing parts of the story. And then there were the fallen angels – I think I should have started this bit with a SPOILER ALERT, but never mind – I always thought they weren’t in the Noah story or the bible well this part. I was under the impression that the fallen were an adaptation or something like that – I feel like that’s not the right word, but I can’t think of anything better, and I trying to be an author, maybe you can understand why I have yet to succeed. But it did have my favourite bit in it. The bit at the end of the story… God’s promise – at least from what I can remember that’s what it is, but maybe I’m wrong and if so sorry about that.

But just so you know exactly what film I’m talking about here’s a trailer:

Quote/saying of the day: Don’t use words too big for the subject. Don’t say infinitely when you mean very; otherwise you’ll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite. ― C.S. Lewis

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