Drag me to the surface…

So it’s been a little while since I last posted. A lot has happened, as even when I don’t bother to post life goes on and all that jazz. I’ve just been going through some stuff, that I couldn’t post about, I tried writing it out a couple times but I just couldn’t, maybe it’s one of my many issues or personality traits that prevented me from venting everything out here, but whatever it was, I didn’t and I’m not going to now. But today was the last straw I feel like I’m… dying. I know dramatic right and probably over the top and all that, but I don’t know how else to describe this, maybe drowning. It’s like being under water, but not realising, until you’ve run out of oxygen and your head started to feel like it;s about to explode… I feel like I’m going to explode and every time I’ve felt anything close to the way I’m feeling right now I’ve done something stupid, normally something harmful, self destructive and really really stupid. I’m not sure what to do, I keep thinking that indulging myself in other things will allow me to vent it out and I thought it was working, but obviously not. Due to my many issues, I don’t have anyone to talk to about this and I’m really scared. I’m scared that I’m going to do something stupid and that this time I’m not going to come out the other side. I’m even scared to go to sleep sometimes, because I’m afraid I won’t wake up, but then there’s this part of me that doesn’t want to wake up, that just wants to go to sleep and never wake back up again. I keep telling myself that I can handle this and that I’ve been though this sort of dark side of myself before and that I can do this alone, like I always do, but it’s getting harder and harder to believe that. Wow this ones depressing. Maybe something to lighten the mood or something: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2BYmmTI04I But then I’ve been obsessed with this song from Great Gatsby lately: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4uD6o9XxLs I’m not completely sure why, maybe because the only time I feel peaceful is when I immerse myself in this song and just let my imagination run wild. It’s inspiring I suppose. Oh I didn’t say lately I haven’t been able to write. It’s like I’m empty, but when I listen to this, not so much. Quotes/sayings of the day: When I want to scream because I feel like I’m going to burst, I open my mouth and pretend that something is coming out, because I don’t want to give the world the satisfaction of hearing me scream any more – Unknown I am not what I seem, look past my surface and, you might scream ― Anastasia wild


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