I’m an adult, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy…

So it was my birthday yesterday. Now when I was little I used to love my birthday. Although I was born on the same day as my brother – I was his birthday present – it was never really a problem for us and I honestly didn’t mind sharing my birthday, sure there was that occasion when I wished I was born on a different day, but overall it was sort of a nice thing, rather than a nasty thing. Maybe it was because of the large age difference between us or something.

But this year wasn’t all that great. It’s not like I’m not grateful for the gifts that I got – a dress makers dummy and 2 books – but somehow yesterday was on of the worse birthdays I have had so far. It was just a miserable day. There wasn’t exactly anything wrong with the day and I’m not sure why I felt so horrible. I’m not really the sort of person that makes that big of a deal about my birthday any more. I sort of stopped making such a big deal about it quite a while ago. But it’s still an important day to me, not just because it’s my birthday, but because it’s my brother’s as well.

I don’t know, maybe I was just expecting something out of the day an didn’t didn’t live up. Everyone always asked how does it feel to finally feel  whatever age you’re turning – for me the age where I’m finally considered a proper adult – but I never really feel much different, sure there that extra thing you can do when you change age – although after this there isn’t much else – but that never seems all that much on the day it’s self.

But on a lighter note, I’m feeling just as wonderful maybe even more wonderful today as I did yesterday. Something about waking up with my face stained with tears, – and then not being able to stop crying for next few hours – after dreaming about loosing the only person I have ever lover all over again – wow that sounds like of dramatic, like a film or play or something, but it’s true. Since them I have found it hard to love anyone, even to care that much about anyone. Maybe it’s the fear it loosing them, like that, again or maybe I’ve just not met the right person yet – although I should say here, that I don’t believe there is only one person out there was everyone. Just maybe one for each period in your life.

Saying/quote of the day: The same girl who laughs and talks a lot and seems very happy is also the girl who may cry herself to sleep… – Unknown


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