Thinking about summer sun shine, but seeing the clouds above…

So yeah… I’ve been a bit achy the last couple of days, since I went ice skating at the weekend and so now I’m feeling the repercussions of doing such exercise, since I don’t really do much exercise and I’ve only ice skating one other time in my life, although I used to roller blade, so I picked it up quite quickly, although I was trying to help my friends, but I don’t think I really did.

So I’ve been aching all week so far and I think that my knees aren’t going to recover any time soon, but what the hell. It was fun while I was doing it, so I can deal with some aching after and what not.

So I been chatting to my friends about my birthday celebrations, since I decided to have them during the break, because it just makes things easier. But at the moment I just feel like cancelling the whole thing, because it’s just too much, but I’m striving to try and work through it and blah blah blah. I’m being considerate again, in my own selfish way.

But any ways, me and my friends were going to go on a boating holiday, but it was much to expensive, since they wanted to buy their own boat and all. But then they wanted to do the Wacky Rally, unfortunately I couldn’t make that one, because the dates clashed with my trip to Jamaica, since I’m going to go down there to see the family and I’ve already bought the tickets. But now they want to go to France or Spain, for a holiday, since we want to go somewhere sunny and hot and all that jazz.

Quote/saying of the day: A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.  ~James Dent

I’m an adult, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy…

So it was my birthday yesterday. Now when I was little I used to love my birthday. Although I was born on the same day as my brother – I was his birthday present – it was never really a problem for us and I honestly didn’t mind sharing my birthday, sure there was that occasion when I wished I was born on a different day, but overall it was sort of a nice thing, rather than a nasty thing. Maybe it was because of the large age difference between us or something.

But this year wasn’t all that great. It’s not like I’m not grateful for the gifts that I got – a dress makers dummy and 2 books – but somehow yesterday was on of the worse birthdays I have had so far. It was just a miserable day. There wasn’t exactly anything wrong with the day and I’m not sure why I felt so horrible. I’m not really the sort of person that makes that big of a deal about my birthday any more. I sort of stopped making such a big deal about it quite a while ago. But it’s still an important day to me, not just because it’s my birthday, but because it’s my brother’s as well.

I don’t know, maybe I was just expecting something out of the day an didn’t didn’t live up. Everyone always asked how does it feel to finally feel  whatever age you’re turning – for me the age where I’m finally considered a proper adult – but I never really feel much different, sure there that extra thing you can do when you change age – although after this there isn’t much else – but that never seems all that much on the day it’s self.

But on a lighter note, I’m feeling just as wonderful maybe even more wonderful today as I did yesterday. Something about waking up with my face stained with tears, – and then not being able to stop crying for next few hours – after dreaming about loosing the only person I have ever lover all over again – wow that sounds like of dramatic, like a film or play or something, but it’s true. Since them I have found it hard to love anyone, even to care that much about anyone. Maybe it’s the fear it loosing them, like that, again or maybe I’ve just not met the right person yet – although I should say here, that I don’t believe there is only one person out there was everyone. Just maybe one for each period in your life.

Saying/quote of the day: The same girl who laughs and talks a lot and seems very happy is also the girl who may cry herself to sleep… – Unknown

Isolation without ringing bells…

So in the 8 months that I have had this blog, I have now reached 100 posts – 101 including this one, I think. I’m not sure if I’m surprised or not. It’s not like I always post everyday, so I don’t think I’ll quite reach that high amount of post, but maybe it was a little shock, when I found out or maybe the feeling was something else, like the feeling I get when a new year comes around, at first it’s exciting, but then that leaves and it’s sort of stale.

But any ways, today… It’s been quite an ordinary day, which I think is what I needed really. I’ve just needed a break, from everything and everyone. I get this way now and then and it those times, I just don’t want to be around anyone at all. I want to isolate myself and I know it’s selfish and maybe even childish and that it can end up hurting people. But in those moments that’s what I am I suppose, just plain selfish. I mean I spend are large amount of time trying not to be selfish, to be careful of other people’s feelings, so that I don’t them too much – a little bit of pain, but nothing major – I’m not sure if that makes me a good person or not, but that’s not really why I do it. At least I don’t think that’s why I am the way I am. To be honest it’s more or less for selfish reasons, that I’m like this, but let’s not get into that now – it’ll just make me feel bad.

My kitten – well I suppose she might be considered a cat now, but she’s so small still, so think calling her a kitten is fine – managed to get her bell off and after I went and bought her a big one all special like. So now she’s not wearing a collar, because around here there’s not really a point when it’s just a collar. But I’m going to get her a new bell and the collar will go back on, so that’s all fine. Although I’ve had to take a couple rodents off of her, that she has court and brought in. I think she’s just hungry, as the food I got her she refuses to eat it, which is a little silly really. I think she eats a little when she get’s really hungry, but I feel like she’s not eating enough and my usual tricks aren’t working this time. She just really must not like that brand or something and honestly I can’t blame her, as it doesn’t exactly scream delicious. But we’ll see what I can do about her eating problem.

So I heard this song for the first time today and sort of fell for it. Although the version I originally heard was the original, but I love the Pentatonix, so I’m posting their version instead. You can look up the original if you like.

Quote/saying of the day: When I asked you to follow me, I didn’t mean on Tumblr or Twitter. I meant for you to take my hand and come with me. – Unknown

Eyes closed or open I can’t tell… It’s all History

So I had this dream last night, where I was sitting in an old house – that I used to live in way back when. I was staring out the window and thinking about something or other, I think I was talking to myself – I do that see, in real life. And then suddenly it started to snow and it was really light at first, but then suddenly the world outside the window turned white and it was proper deep snow, like the kind we used to get here, according to the books and the elderly people. I think it was because I’ve been thinking about snow all week, because people have been saying it was going to snow by the end of the week, although as far as I can tell they were wrong, at least I haven’t had any snow around here, it’s rather spring-ish here actually.

Snowdrops and dandelions and all the other such things that signify the end of the winter months and the start of the weather ones. Most people would thinking that March might be a winter month, but it isn’t it’s Spring, at least in the UK, be maybe we’re just a little weird over here or something, but what the hell, I’m a Spring baby so I’m happy with the weirdness.

I myself used to have a little problem with dreams, you see I always dream in the third person, which means I always know when I’m dreaming – no one can try and use inception on me, yay! – but once out of the dream that’s when the problem crops up, because of the way I dream well it looks exactly like my memories. I mean spooky similar – yes that does mean I remember in the third person, don’t ask me how that works it just does. But I used to have a little problem working out if what I had dreamt was a dream or a memory, it was kind of frustrating, as most of the time the dreams would be completely ordinary things and involve other people, which lead to a couple – hundred – awkward conversations with people, or me waking up thinking it was one day or I had to do something and it wasn’t. Not that I was any good at telling what day it was. My sense of time was a little messed up back then as well – although it’s not exactly super great now – it wasn’t like I couldn’t tell the time, nothing like that. More like I couldn’t measure it by myself and if you asked me about something that happened a couple years ago, it would be like a couple months, maybe even days in my mind. Everything was squished together in piles of events and to my mind they all – nearly – happened at the same time, it was seriously confusing at times, but I worked around it and always gave vague answers to things concerning such things are times and dates. Although I took history back then – bad move – I could remember everything but the date of when things happened and you kind of need that to do well in history, but I did alright, I wasn’t expecting much. If you don’t expect too much you can’t get disappointed right?

Not the grands and most original philosophy I know, but what the hell, in some cases you’ve just got to roll with the punches or at least try and dodge them so you don’t get smacked in the face.

So I hear this a while ago and forgot about it until now. I like it, but it’s not really a masterpiece or anything. But somehow I can’t seem to stop listening to it – or something like that.

The unconscious self destruct button

So I was a little bored this afternoon/evening – prevening – so I thought ‘what haven’t I done in a couple of days?’ Oh I know let’s talk to strangers on the internet, that’s always a bag of joy. So that’s what I did and there were some predictable ones. The random horny guys that just wanted to swap pictures, that’s one of good thing about some of these more anonymous chat sites, you can just skip them and not have to deal with anything you don’t want to. But then there was this one guy… He was really nice, I mean not just the basic – sorta – lame nice guy routine, but a genuine article. So we were having a nice little chat and we swapped pictures – much to my reluctance – normal pictures, although he didn’t have his top on in his picture, saying that he had just gotten out of the shower, but whatever. He shared a little of his life story and tried to get me to do the same, but as I have said – probably – many times I am quite a personal person and I also have slight – major – trust issues, so I did but didn’t want to share. Although there was something surprisingly familiar about his picture and he said the same about mine, so I jumped on that and started into detective mode, time to shuffle through all those faces of people I’ve met.

At this point I was thinking ‘oh what a nice guy I think I could actually talk talk to him’, but unfortunately for me my devilish unconscious was thinking ‘now how can I mess this all up’. My unconscious can be a bit of a bitch sometimes. And then it popped into her… or rather my head, I can dig too deep and then say something inappropriate and so that’s what happened, leaving me with an ended conversation and a bad after taste. For a moment, a millisecond I thought about trying to find him again, but then the rest of my brain kicked in and I just resined myself to my self destructive ways.

Oh well, he could have been a good friend/pen pal. Although I’m not very good at keeping in touch with real pen pals, but e-mail might be easier and cheaper.

So today was… normal. I got hit on by and friend of a friend, who was promptly told I have a boyfriend, which right now is a lie – more or less. Not that I was really all that interested, but it can be fun just to flirt sometimes.

Well I would continued this, but I have to get some beauty sleep, so see you next time – what is this a TV show.

But oh course I must not forget the quote/saying of the day: Hell isn’t merely paved with good intentions; it’s walled and roofed with them. Yes, and furnished too. – Aldous Huxley

The short moment of a kick back…

So Saturday was fun. I had a couple people round, but there was sometimes when it was a little dull. I think bigger parties are more my thing. Small things seem to be a bit more… stressful. Although most people would say it’s the other way around, but hey I’m not most people, I’m just me. I’m thinking about doing something next/this weekend as well, since I almost have the house to myself and I have a little bit of stuff left over from yesterday, which I’m not going to be able to consume on my own, due to my new health diet, that I’m supposed to be on. It’s not exactly doing badly, but I’ve not put that much effort into it yet. As I wanted to get my exercise routine down, before getting into the food side properly. I think getting my body used to exercise again, might be best, instead of everything as once and I still have some more research to do, before I actually start creating my new diet. I could go on about this, but honest I think I’m going to make this one a short post, as I’m feeling a little whipped out. Not exhausting in a physical way more mentally. I’ve been really mental lately and using my cognitive skills a lot more than usual, for things I don’t usually think about, so I’m just a little drained. I need to recharge before Monday, or I won’t be any good for the day. Although sleeping is still a problem for me. Not the act, just getting to sleep. I mean I’m not ready to take pills yet – I realised that – although I’m thinking about trying some herbal stuff, which I used to use as a child.