To the eating of myself

Eating health is hard. I mean having to eat at set times is difficult for someone like me, that tends to end up skipping meals and just eats when the urge hits me – most of the time. But I think that calorie counting isn’t enough to loose weight. It’s not like I’m trying to loose that much, but I want it gone, because it’s annoying me and making me feel bad about my image. We need to love ourselves and I find that a lot easier when I feel beautiful and I think that being a size smaller will help with that, not that I want to become really skinny. No way there is nice skinny and then there is disgusting skinny. Sorry all those out there that are like this, but I think when you can see someone’s bones clearly through their skin, so it looks like their skin is just draped over their bones, nothing else there – like a skeleton with a sheet placed over it – then that’s just way too far. I mean I haven’t even been that skinny – I don’t think – but I didn’t used to be able to fit my hand under my ribcage, but that was during a time, when I was not really eating anything, not because I thought I was fat and wanted to be skinnier or anything, I just was never hungry, so I didn’t eat and when I did eat then it was only a small bit, I think my body was sort of eating itself and I started eating normally, but now that I don’t really do much exercise regularly and I’m not really eating healthy I gained some weight, so back to the health lifestyle.

But I’ve been looking around the internet for ideas about what is best to start out and it seems like it’s going to be a dumpy ride, but I just hope it’s worth the effort and the money, because I think it might be a little bit more expensive than what I’m paying to eat now, but I haven’t really checked that out.

There are quite a few sites that say they can help you shed those unwanted pounds, so I’m going to try the free ones, because I don’t want to waste money and since they have lots of members and a good support system – as far as I can see – I just might be able to do this.

Although the eating at the same time, might not be as hard after a while – hopefully – and since I have relatively structured days, which might help with the timing and all that jazz – yay to losing weight in moderation.

So I was looking at all these sites and I found out that most diets actually don’t work, because they put your body it’s something which everyone is calling ‘starvation mode‘ which is just what it says on the tin. Your body thinking your starving, so turns more of what you eat into fat, so that it can eat that later, when you need to – I know thinking of your body eating itself is kind of disgusting, but honestly what do you think happens when got burn fat. Any ways so I think my body is in this starvation mode at the moment, so I’m hoping that with the help of many different resources at my disposal I will be able to turn it back to fat burning/eating mode – yay to the fat eating and the dropping of unwanted weight.

So after weeks of deliberation, I’ve decided to fuck other people’s emotional needs – just for this one event – and just go ahead with it. If people can’t handle each other I shouldn’t have to spend my time rushing between them and having to make the hard choices about who to stay friends with. So I’ve created a facebook event for my birthday party – yay for the day I was born – it’s sort of nice though, a weight off my shoulder – maybe I should go weight myself I might be pounds lighter now! Sure I would love it if everyone came, but I have a feeling that that will not happen – sigh – but as the song goes, what will be will be…

And I going to be ok with that, as long as this doesn’t get blown out of proportion and end up with me in a heap on the floor.

Quote/saying of the day: Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend. – Albert Camus

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