The absences of me in my routine…

So today was… different. Not all that different, but not the usual routine and I think that has helped me a little. I need to mix things up now and then, stop the melancholy setting in and all that jazz. I think I get this from my childhood. I sometimes wonder if my mother had this feeling as well, because her childhood was somehow even more drastic than mine in this field, but then again she didn’t go through the same things, she wasn’t like me, she was better I can say that with certainty. I know she wasn’t perfect or anything, but perfect is something that’s impossible. I like to think she was the closest thing to perfect, but it seems that that might just a delusion, but I don’t care. I’d rather keep my ideal idea of her, she gone and I don’t want the last thing that ties me to her to be shattered, I don’t see the point in doing so, just more pain and I don’t want that sort of pain.

Any ways, it’s back to the old routine tomorrow, no detours, or elaboration. I don’t think it will kill me though, this time, but mixing it up might be the way to go from now on, plus it’s probably for the best that I start now. I may have said that things would be different this year and I may have told my friend about my new years resolution, but this isn’t serious, so no need to get them involved or anything.

So this one is going to be a short one, because I need to get some sleep tonight and getting to bed earlier, might help with that – not that it has in the best, but if first you don’t succeed try and try again, or something to that point.

I haven’t been writing as much as I would have liked, thinking over when I start this project, actually I haven’t written a thing, since I went back to the day to day routine. Maybe that’s the factor this is creating this wall between me and my characters, I can’t get into their heads the way I want to and I can’t write right, if I can’t get into their heads, I comes out all messy and unreadable, which is getting annoying, but I’m hoping to change that soon and this mixing things up, can’t make things worse – I hope!


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