This is and isn’t me.

So the Christmas decorations came down today, which was a little saddening, alright it wasn’t it was just annoying. This Christmas hasn’t been a good one for me, so having it finally being completely over is just wonderful. Cleaning up all the pins from the tree was terrible. I had to empty the hover bag twice and I kept getting them stuck places, my hands and feet or now riddled with holes.

I suppose I was hoping that this year will be different, but something about the couple of days that I have spent in it, have told me the only thing different is my own acceptance of my fate. I’m starting to think that I should leave, I mean this life and just go somewhere anywhere, it doesn’t matter, as long as no one knows or cares, it would make a difference from the lies that I’m getting at the moment, but every time this thought passes through my mind, so does the thoughts about money and food and the life I thought I would have at this time and in the future, back when I didn’t think I was… messed up.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that if anyone ever got inside my head and found me, they would be running as fast as they could in the other direction. It’s hard to believe that in a world where everyone has their baggage, some baggage is classed as untouchable and some other baggage is classed as romantic or something nice like that. My baggage come under, I don’t want to touch that, and so no one has. I mean people peek inside a case now or then, but they instantly snap it shut and make themselves forget that they ever saw anything. And sometimes that makes me feel even more… inhuman, as some would call me. I’m human, I just have a different mental structure then some people, most people, the norm, or something along those lines. The way people use the word human can be really messed up sometimes and that sort of pisses me off now and then, but what can you do about people different definitions of a words definition?


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