The reality of the me I maybe…

I’m scared of admitting that I’m not the person everyone wants me to be and I’m scared that no one can see me at all. It’s not that I think of myself as being invisible, but rather that the person people see isn’t me at all, just this projection of a person that I hand to them, to stop them from working out who I really am. But then I’m afraid that the real me, is disappearing, being melted into the fake version of me. I don’t want to loss myself, to a person I don’t know and don’t understand. Confusion can kill, just as easy as bullets. I’ve spent a larger part of my life being confused by myself and that’s probably one of the many reasons why I don’t expose my true self to people, because I don’t understand it or sometimes even like it.

Everyone has that part of themselves that they wish they could change, although these days most people go to physical aspects first. I don’t want to change, but I don’t want to stay the same. Progress for the sack of progress – or something like that.

Well I’m not feeling particularly Christmasy at the moment, I don’t know why, but this year I just can’t get into the Christmas spirit the same way I usually do. I mean usually Christmas is both happy and sad for me, but I tend to focus on the more happy aspects – silver lining and all that jazz.

I’ve been playing this one song over and over for a little while now and sure I like it, but I’m not sure why I’m just listening to this one song.

So that’s the song. I watch the re-make of footloose the other day.

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