The oblivious bystander is black and blue again…

Today, right well today.

Today is what I think walking into a bar and getting socked in the face, because someone and someone else decided to start a fight, would feel like. You have nothing really to do with the start of the fight, but you get dragged into it and then you’re trying to make it to the bar to actually get a drink, but you just keep getting hit over and over again.

So I’m sitting in the corner all black and blue, somehow I’ve got a drink and I’m just about to take a swig, when someone grabs it and chugs the whole thing, laughs at me and throws the empty glass at me.

Yeah I think that’s a sort of accurate picture of my day, oh and it was raining and you don’t have an umbrella so you only really went into the bar, to get out of the rain and cold.

Alright so I think I’ve made my point about my day being sort of crap, but what the hell, it’s not like I blog about anything else these days.

So today I was the oblivious bystander who didn’t deserve or really want any of the shit that went down. I’m a kind of nice – she says tentatively – and empathetic person, so I can get where people are coming from and I like to look at both sides of the argument blah blah blah… But I’m dam tired to being empathetic and nice and reasonable. I’m tired of feeling like this and tired of getting kicked down every time I start to feel alright about everything again.

I’ve been working through some stuff recently and I haven’t bothered to tell anyone about it, because right now I don’t think I would want to tell anyone really, not because I don’t want people to know – well not completely – but because I think they wouldn’t take it well, or even understand at all, so it would probably just mess things up a bit there, because watching how they handled the stuff about my friend, I’m thinking that maybe I won’t trust them with it. I know what people say ‘real friends tell each other everything’ well I’m calling bullshit on that. Real friends do tell each other secrets, but real friends are also supportive and there for you when you need them and so on and so forth.

Sometimes I wish I could just be completely careless… about all this idiot stuff.



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