Alright so today has sort of been a weird kind of day, as it has felt like I Sunday all day to me, since yesterday was a day off and so it sort of felt like Saturday, so I’m a bit messed up, plus I had my usual Sunday alarm go off today, for some reason that I’m not sure about.
So yesterday I went down to Cardiff with some friends. We were going Christmas shopping, but since I have no idea what to get my family – and so on – I didn’t really do much Christmas shopping, although I did continue looking for some nice jumpers, but as now the winter weather and clothing is back, jumpers are more expensive, so instead I got some things I could wear in the spring and summer, so that I don’t have to buy them later, but I’m still on the hunt for some nice jumpers, since cardigans seem to be a big thing at the moment, as there seems to be a lot of them around, but I don’t really want a cardigan right now, although I might have to start buying them, as they seem to be cheaper than jumpers, although in a bunch of cases not as warm. So at first we were all meant to be sticking together, but being a big group of 10 and all wanting to go to different shops, that didn’t really work out and so we split almost immediately, but that wasn’t too bad, since people could go to the shop they wanted, without having to hang around and wait for others all the time, so I think it was good. But it did mean that there was a fair bit of texting and ringing people, to find out where they were and that meant quite a bit of walking, but I’m actually quite glade there was as it gave me a chance to test my new boots, as I was on my feet for most of the day and they only got a little sour at the even end of the day, but that was just very minor, which made me love my shoes even more, so I’m glade I got them and all that jazz. Also we saw the TARDIS up on the wall of the castle, which was fun, it was funny when we first saw it as, my friend – who was driving – saw it first and just sort of started screaming ‘the TARDIS’, but my other friend was on the phone at the time, trying to get everyone to the right place, as we came in two different cars and were relying on him to get us there and back, without any maps or anything – he only went wrong once, which considering was pretty great, since he did it all from memory, although he got a bit frustrated on the way back.
Although I had a good time, I’m not sure that everyone else shares this feeling towards the day. I’m not sure about the details, as I was trying to keep my spirits up, because everyone around me was upset about one thing or any other. But as far as I can gather, my friends car, wasn’t really motorway stable and so it over heated and he was afraid about that and annoyed and he decided that he didn’t really want to stay or shouldn’t have even come and so this lead to him wandering off a lot and not wanted to be found again, which made some other people annoyed that he kept telling us to go to one place after the next, but never actually being there. Then we all finally met back up, after having a small snack and people still had things to shop for, so we headed off to the shops, saying that we would stay as a group this time and not just wander off. We did at first, but then a couple of people wanted to go to this cookie shop and then the tea shop next door, but one of my friends said that he wanted to go to CEX by himself as he was buying his girlfriends present and didn’t want her to see it, so because I was waiting outside the shop for the other – as I was drinking at the time – I said that we would wait for them here, because I didn’t know how long the other would be, so the two of them went off and I stood with the girlfriend. Then the others in the shops came back and I told them were the two had gone, at first they seemed alright to wait, but then about 3 minuets later they were going on about how they didn’t understand why we had to wait and blah blah blah, so two of them walking off – including the friend that had been walking off all day – then another two walked off and the first two came back, then walked off again. I just couldn’t be bother to go after, so I waited the the two that had left in the first place came back, they sent some texted asking where the four were and we headed for a toy shop, in which my friend found a nice toy for his sister. While he was paying for the toy – I was with him at the counter – they four came back and started talking with the rest of the group. By the time we had bought the toy they had gone again. The other told us that they had gone to Cineworld to watch a film. So we went a sat on a bench outside the shop and people texted and called them to find out what was going on. they said that we had to decide go home now, or wait 2 and a half hours for them to come out of the film. I could tell at this point that they just wanted to go home and that they weren’t going to see a film at all it was just something they were saying, but this caused a ruckus, as my friend needed to get back home for 8 and if they went to see the film, then she probably wouldn’t get home until 9-ish, so while she was calling her parent the other talked it over. But on the other end of the phone they seemed to be getting angry and annoyed – again here I’m only going by one side of the conversation, as my phone had run out of battery at this point. So we decided to wait, since people still needed to shop. So off we went, as one of friend sent an angry message to the main person they were calling and my other friend the person doing the calling turned off her phone. So we headed for Pandora, with a pit stop at a cash machine, as someone needed to get out some money. The cash machine was right opposite a fragrance shop. So after working out that my friend’s phone was off, they phoned someone else – the friend that I had gone to buy the toy with. He lied and said that we had gone to the fragrance shop by ourselves and left the others behind, then the people on the other end of the phone, said that we were going to leave now – proving my earlier thought that they weren’t actually going to go see a film – and asked where we were to meet up, so we told them and waited. I went into the fragrance shop thinking I might be able to find a Christmas present, but no joy. We waiting a while then someone made a remark about them being on the other side of this big artificial white, Christmas tree we were right next to, so to make a joke out of a joke, I went and walked around the Christmas tree, only to come back and find that everyone was together again and were screaming at each other.
Alright so confrontation is not my speciality especially not at the moment. But they were saying we were going to go eat then go home, but one of my friends made the decision just to go home then and there, so we all headed out of the place. Me and my friend – the one that I bought the toy with – were at the front and he had this remark, about feeling like there was a pack of lions behind us and I just couldn’t stop laughing, I don’t think it was appropriate at the time, me just laughing my head off, as everyone was a bit pissed off at that moment. Everyone bar me, actually I was in pretty high spirit, due to my basic defence mechanism – sounds a bit computer-ish I know, but that’s what it is – I’ve developed it over time and now it’s automatic, I don’t instantly show or even know – I suppose – displeasure, I know I should have been just as upset as everyone else, but I wasn’t I was pretty much content and happy within myself, not with the situation. So me and my friend walked by ourselves back to the car park, as everyone else took a different root and we were laughing and actually having a better time without them, although he was a bit worried that the whole thing was his fault, as he had got the directions wrong at one point, but I tried to reassure him, although the angry expression and tone in my friends voice when he had gotten out of his car, wasn’t helping anything there. But we got back to the car park in one piece, but on getting there we found that two of us had gotten lost, so two went to find them and two had already gone up to the cars, while the others waited for the everyone to come back, as we needed to be able to pay for the car park, before we got out – it was one of those ones were you get given a ticket and pay on the way out, not a pay and display. So we all stood around waiting. One of my friends was crying a little – I’m not sure what happened, but something between her and her boyfriend who was the one that had been wandering off all day. But then he came back down and was talking about her in a really strange way and was obviously really angry. I mean at one point I had to hold myself back from going over to him and punching him in the face, oh I forgot he did threaten to do that to me at one point, after he had slapped me for no reason! But then everyone came back we paid for the car park and headed for the cars, everyone changed cars, we changed so that we were in cars that were going to two different places, town and the village that a couple of us live in. Alright now the girlfriend – that was crying – was sitting next to her boyfriend and I was sitting in the middle at the back – the boyfriend was driving – and I was just watching them glancing at each other in turn, as they tried to ‘assess the damage’, I’m just hoping they patch things up, because I’m not sure what happened there, but they didn’t really talk, apart from when the girlfriend started to cry again the the boyfriend said ‘you alright’ – or something like that – and the boyfriend was coughing, so the girlfriend was asking if he was having an asthma attack. Since there was only a tom-tom in one of the cars, the other one, we were meant to be following it, but that didn’t happen, as we got stuck on the way out and Mr. Angry couldn’t wait for the machine to put us through to the help people, but any ways it was decided for him that my friend – the one that told the joke about the lions and what not – would guide us home. So he was panicking on my right and my other friend was just plugging herself into her iphone on my left, so ‘you couldn’t cut the tension in that car with a knife’ as some might say. But with help from a map on my friends phone, he got us onto the motorway and from there is was easier, as it was basically straight down the motorway and then the driver said he new his way from there, so we left it to him, which I was happy about, as my friend was still panicking a little about everything really and I was trying to help him, but not really doing any good. The driver naturally drove quite fast and since he was angry he drive even faster and it was alright on the motorway, but once we got onto the country lanes I just couldn’t take it really and well internal panic ensured. I’ll explain a little here, back when I was still in kindergarten I was in this car accident on a country lane, my other was angry about something – the first time I had seen her properly angry really – and she was going a bit fast and so this drive brought back memories of that and I just panicked, but my friend got me through it, but telling me jokes. I don’t know what I would have done if he hadn’t been there, although he was scared as well, I think everyone was really – maybe not the driver, he just seemed angry. So he dropped my friend off first and I told him to drop me off at the end of my track, not wanted to spend another second in that car, honest the whole atmosphere was suffocating and was making me want to vomit, along with the car sickness that I get. I mean I’m an empathetic person naturally, but the hardships of life have sort of dulled that, but being so close of a bunch of very upset people, it was horrible really, most of the time I can kind of ignore it and focus on my feelings more or less, but this time I couldn’t and it was completely and utter horrible and suffocating. So I walked home in the dark, but I kind see alright in the dark, but I did fall and open up my leg, but it was only minor and worth it.
So yeah that was the end of Friday, excluding what I did once I got home.
I’m just hoping that it has all blow over by Monday, because otherwise I don’t think I’m going to be able to handle everything, especially after what’s been going on with me personally lately, I might just ignore them for a while or something, I’m not sure. All this stuff has started me thinking about my mother more and I realised today, that I can’t remember her birthday or the day she died, I’m not even sure what age she would be right now. I used to remember I used to count as each year went by, but over time I’m just forgotten to remember or not wanted to think about it, because it’s still terrible painful, but it’s more painful to remember that I’ve forgotten – if that even makes sense. But I still remember her, the her before she got sick and the her when she was getting better and the her that I knew was never going to get better, the her that I knew was going to die and just leave me to fight the wide world by myself, I hate that I never said goodbye. There’s so many things about that time that I wish I could just forget, but then I realise that I can’t just forget them, because they made me… me.