Because I’m just a grain of sand…

So today I was part of something that my friend referred to as an intervention, but what I would call a let’s try and talk about everything, but not hurt anyone’s feels so end up saying everything in a really long winded way and make everyone feel uncomfortable. At first I just thought alright well those two – my two friend who had be ‘chosen’ to do this ‘intervention’ – don’t seem to want to do this, so I’ll go along to push things along, but in the end I don’t think I was all that needed, really. But then again that was probably because I’ve been kind of excluded from the goings on and well I don’t think I’m all that upset about that any more/at all because it seemed that the people involved have been having a hard time over the whole thing, I would have liked to have helped, but then again it seems that people just seem to think of me as the rug – I can’t think of anything else to describe, because the way my friend said it basically implied that. Alright so I tend to not tell people personal stuff and when I do I turn it into a joke, but that the way I cope with things, I joke about them. It doesn’t mean that I don’t get upset or anything. It’s like a schizophrenic, they laugh when most people would cry, but I don’t think that means that they are happy – although it might for some, but I don’t think it does for all. Although I’m not actually a schizophrenic, I just have some of the tendencies and maybe if I went into a mental hospital they would commit me, but that something else – Insane in insane places study reference.

But there’s not much to do about the shift in the world and how everyone’s obsessed with talking on the internet instead of face to face, honest I don’t get why, I mean your still the same person and it doesn’t lead to as many misunderstandings, although maybe web-cam can get around that, but that’s not the point. The point is I’m tired of conversations going on over the internet and then everyone acting like nothing happened the next day, just because maybe they don’t want to brake the norm or something, I don’t know.

I suppose I’m just feeling sort of frustrated that all, because I can feel the past catching up to me and it’s never been and probably never will be a nice feeling, because I hate the way I used to feel and I don’t want to get back to that, but somehow I feel like everything that’s going on is just pushing back into my old self, it’s frustrating and… well, maybe I just want to talk to someone about it, but then with the whole thing that’s going on it sort of feels like people might feel like I’m trying to I don’t know steal the lime light, although being in an aggressive argument is not really the lime light, but you get what I mean right? Somehow the whole thing has been sort of isolating and made me want to talk about myself more and less at the same time – if that ever makes sense.

The insignificance of my mind is so much more than the significance of their desires.

So let’s look at something a bit more light hearted, I’m going to see an old friend on the weekend, as my old best friend – although we haven’t seen each other in a while – is going to be going to my friend or rather our friends birthday party, as we’ll be able to sort of catch up and all that jazz, but it’ll just be nice to see her. Whenever I think about meeting old friends I always have this horrible feeling that we’ll have nothing to talk about, but I’ve never had that with Sara, we just seem to pick right back up, as if we didn’t spend any time away from each other, although swapping stories, is always a bundle of laughs.

Plus I went shopping today and got myself some wool to start knitting my friends scarf and also some things to punk up my outfit for the party, which although I didn’t quite find what I was looking for, I did find some great stuff, so all well that ends well and all that jazz.

Although I was really hoping for some snow this week, it looks like the small spattering of hail and sleet are all we’re going to get around her, oh and also, of course, the rain!


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