The epiphany lifestyle begins

So recently I have had this sort of epiphany, well I say epiphany, but it’s sort of more letting myself realise what is actually going on. Something I’ve been repressing and now I’m letting myself realise it, not that I didn’t know about it before or anything, just that I didn’t want to know that I knew about it or something like that, so it is sort of a realisation of great truth, but just in the sense of myself, so like I said sort of an epiphany. But it all came about because of my friend, I suppose I should be thanking her for having that argument with my other friend, because if that hadn’t happened then I wouldn’t have been part of the conversation or ‘intervention’ – as my friend called it – that happened and then those thoughts that have been swirling around in my mind since, wouldn’t have lead me to having this ‘epiphany’. So yeah I suppose a thank you is in order here. So because of all these facts plus the epiphany, I have decided to stop dating, I believe that with the knowledge I now have allowed myself to realise makes it unfair to the other party, even with my sadistic tendencies lining up to smash down the door and flood out, I’m holding them back and doing what I believe is the nicer thing, although it does mean it little time alone, but that could be good for me and all that jazz.

I’ve been shattered the last few days or maybe last few weeks I can’t remember any more, that’s the first thing though. I was talking to someone about the past and it got me to thinking when my sense of time became so messed up. I mean time in the present is fine, but then time in the past is a bit harder, more like my memories don’t come with time stamps like they used to, so it’s hard for me to make out time after it has happened, days, months, years, it doesn’t matter it’s all just bundled in there, so I have to work it out and most of the time I get it wrong. But I’m used to it and I think over time it might get better, at least that’s what I hope. Although only time will tell, I suppose. But please excuse any sentences that just don’t make sense I’m a little out of it at the moment, but since I feel like I haven’t blogging in a while, I want to get this one done.

So I’m actually meant to be writing an article right now, but because it is about science and science fiction, I have a lot of research to do, but it’s not going to well. However I have to hand it in tomorrow, but I don’t think I’m going to get it done, however I might get to have a little extension and this is only the first draft of it and since I get the day off Friday I might get the weekend to get it done and make it pretty and all that jazz

A mind full of ideas…

So it was my friends birthday party and everyone was dressed up in their decades outfits. A couple of people even had roller-skates on and it was really quite cool to see, although it did make me wish that I had a pair on. But I was quite happy with my outfit in the end, after all the worry about it not looking good, I’m happy to say that it turned out great. I spent some time decorating it to make to a bit more punky, but other than shopping for that decorations and helping my friend create his outfit, I did some knitting for his Christmas present a lovely blue scarf, although now I’ve run out of the wool and I think I made it a bit too big, so now I think I might have to buy about 4-5 new balls of wool to be able t finish it, which is a little expensive, although I don’t want to unravel it all and start again to make it smaller and make the wool last longer.

So I spent about 3 hours in A&E on Friday, as my friend slammed his head in a car door on the Thursday, thought he was alright, but ended up throwing up his stomach on the morning on the Friday, so we took him down to A&E and spent 3 hours sitting and waiting for someone to call us, but a couple of us did head over to Morrison’s to buy some lunch, because we were starving.

So something to think about, alright I went to see the Hunger Games; Catching Fire today and from what I can gather there was a lot from the book missing although I have never actually read the books myself, so I don’t think that took anything away from my cinematic experience, but it did re-spark idea that has been hibernating in my head for a while now. The basic theme of the idea really is angels, since I’ve always – sort of – had this fascinated with such being, angels, devil, demons, gods. I even started this one that was about how these brothers and sisters found a way to make themselves immortal and so made themselves into gods and one of them decides that they have made enough when he falls in love with this ‘normal’ girl and so lets her ‘remember’ the truth about the gods, and so makes her public enemy number one, so to speak. It basically revolved around their love and her desire to live and all that jazz, it was about 2-3 book long series in my head, but just in case I do finish writing it, I’m not going to spoil the ending. But any ways this idea. Well I started it before, but I felt that it was took much like the hunger games in the beginning, so I let it lye, while I tried to get a new beginning and now I’ve got some more ideas, but I’m not sure how their going to work and the ending is a bit weird, although I might do, what I like to call a, time jump and write a second book, or just not write another book and let the readers decided, that is if I get any readers and with my track record I might get one or two, but I have this feeling that as soon as I get anywhere with it, I’m going to leave it again and start something else, that’s why I started on short stories and competitions, it narrower and you can write them in a day without worrying about putting too much description in, as I’m always worrying that I describe things too much, although that’s the way I like to write, because otherwise it ends up a bit… dry. But I’m determined to at least get a little bit done. I did want to write the second-ish book in this series I’ve got going at the moment and get it done by, well the end of the year, but I’m not anywhere near finishing and the first-ish book got alter, after I hit a road block, with not being able to write believable police/detectives, so now I’m a little stuck with that, because unlike in the TV show Castle I’m not going to be able to shadow a detective to find out how to write a believable one, so right now I’m having to re-think the whole book, so that he detective aren’t detective any more or something, so that the whole thing makes sense, but it also well written – as I can get – and works well together and also isn’t completely confusing and un-followable. Although I say first and second -ish, because that’s how they go in the time line, but I’m not sure if I’m going to make the first-ish book and three book, sort of a prequel, like the magicians nephew in the Narnia Chronicles – is Chronicles right? But I’ll tell you in plot for these books, sine that’s what I seem to be doing right now. To basically you have this giant, but secret organisation, that collects dead girls and brings them back to life – only girls, it’s something to do with Eve, but I haven’t got that part figured out yet. The main character get raped and killed one night so the story begins, she get’s taken by the organisation, revived, cleaned and taken home. Wakes up the next morning with no memory of the night before, being a party girl, she thinks she must have had too much to drink and goes on with her life. But there’s this side effect of being brought back, it’s like split personalities, but you change on a biological level – this is a little sci-fi I know, but what the hell – so whenever she becomes unconscious she changes into one of her personalities, I think there’s 7 – that’s important in the second book. Normally the base personality – the person who they ‘really’ are – get driven insane by the acts of the person persona’s or finds out about them and goes insane, but she doesn’t. Now that’s all I have in concrete for the first book. Now the second. There’s once again this giant but not secret organisation, that hires out these girls who are die for you. That’s right, but each girl can only die 7 times a month and but they don’t change when they die or anything like in the first book, nothing surrounding biology here. So the main character is a girl working for this organisation – they sort of get sent the girls – and it starts with this guy killing her twice and her handler having to come and get her. So with the fast forwards button held down, we get to a point when she is doing a job and she runs into this guy, he falls for her, but she on a job so she runs away – some of the jobs include having to run from a certain place to another place, to create a chase for the client, which external damage, the route is usually cleared before hand. So to cut a long story short, she falls for him and he falls for her and they run away, but the company/organisation chase them down and continue to kill her and the book – SPOILER – with her dying and him crying over her and it’s her seventh death of the month. There isn’t anything clever here like it being the end of the month and just as she dies it changes to the 1st or anything no she just dies. But then I hear you ask how do these two books connect? Well that would be the main character, their the same person. You see the giant organisation in the first book knew the main character was special because she didn’t go insane, but they didn’t realise she was immortal as well and in when she disappeared they thought she was dead, but no she changed form and locked her memories up, but when she died that seventh time in the second book all her other personalities woke back up, so to speak, and so instead of staying dead, she changes back into her original form and wakes back up. She’s the original form of the thing that they put into the girls to make them immortal for 7 deaths and that’s why the other just die on the seventh, but she doesn’t.

Any ways if I ever read a book with any of these ideas in it publish after this date, I’m hunting down the author and demanding an explanation, idea theft is pure EVIL!

So I get back to the origin of all this book talk. The idea that was re-sparked by the watching of the new Hunger Games film. Let’s see I told you it was about angels – due to my love/fascination of the things. So the bit that I’ve already written is the beginning in which the main character is introduced, along with her family and some of the concept of the whole story. So her and her family are getting ready to go to the Blood Harvest, in which all of the people of a certain age or something – I’m not sure how they are picked to go, because her and her sister are different ages, but their going. So her and her sister head to this old arena that the blood harvest is held at and the main character is looking after her sister, but then she get’s picked. The blood harvest consists of having your blood taken – a drop of it – and it being tested. So basically if you test positive then you are chosen to go away and you never come back, so most people think you die or something, but the reality is a little different. You get take to a top security place that you can’t leave, but is as close to a paradise as the people that run it can make it, as they want the people inside to be as happy as possible, so basically she get’s taken to this place, because she is an angel, well in the story I use the Latin version ‘Angelus’ because I like it better and I’m guessing that most people that ever read it, will be able to at least work out what I’m talking about here, if not from the similarity in the words then the other things in the story, like the wings and what not. But the main character is obviously special is some way – not going to say how, because that is in revision as well as other parts, you can use your imagination. But I think – SPOILERS – I’m going to kill the main character at the end, although maybe I’ll make her un-killable.

As I also have a slight fascination/obsession with immortality, maybe that’s where the fascination with demons and angels – etc – comes from.

Because I’m just a grain of sand…

So today I was part of something that my friend referred to as an intervention, but what I would call a let’s try and talk about everything, but not hurt anyone’s feels so end up saying everything in a really long winded way and make everyone feel uncomfortable. At first I just thought alright well those two – my two friend who had be ‘chosen’ to do this ‘intervention’ – don’t seem to want to do this, so I’ll go along to push things along, but in the end I don’t think I was all that needed, really. But then again that was probably because I’ve been kind of excluded from the goings on and well I don’t think I’m all that upset about that any more/at all because it seemed that the people involved have been having a hard time over the whole thing, I would have liked to have helped, but then again it seems that people just seem to think of me as the rug – I can’t think of anything else to describe, because the way my friend said it basically implied that. Alright so I tend to not tell people personal stuff and when I do I turn it into a joke, but that the way I cope with things, I joke about them. It doesn’t mean that I don’t get upset or anything. It’s like a schizophrenic, they laugh when most people would cry, but I don’t think that means that they are happy – although it might for some, but I don’t think it does for all. Although I’m not actually a schizophrenic, I just have some of the tendencies and maybe if I went into a mental hospital they would commit me, but that something else – Insane in insane places study reference.

But there’s not much to do about the shift in the world and how everyone’s obsessed with talking on the internet instead of face to face, honest I don’t get why, I mean your still the same person and it doesn’t lead to as many misunderstandings, although maybe web-cam can get around that, but that’s not the point. The point is I’m tired of conversations going on over the internet and then everyone acting like nothing happened the next day, just because maybe they don’t want to brake the norm or something, I don’t know.

I suppose I’m just feeling sort of frustrated that all, because I can feel the past catching up to me and it’s never been and probably never will be a nice feeling, because I hate the way I used to feel and I don’t want to get back to that, but somehow I feel like everything that’s going on is just pushing back into my old self, it’s frustrating and… well, maybe I just want to talk to someone about it, but then with the whole thing that’s going on it sort of feels like people might feel like I’m trying to I don’t know steal the lime light, although being in an aggressive argument is not really the lime light, but you get what I mean right? Somehow the whole thing has been sort of isolating and made me want to talk about myself more and less at the same time – if that ever makes sense.

The insignificance of my mind is so much more than the significance of their desires.

So let’s look at something a bit more light hearted, I’m going to see an old friend on the weekend, as my old best friend – although we haven’t seen each other in a while – is going to be going to my friend or rather our friends birthday party, as we’ll be able to sort of catch up and all that jazz, but it’ll just be nice to see her. Whenever I think about meeting old friends I always have this horrible feeling that we’ll have nothing to talk about, but I’ve never had that with Sara, we just seem to pick right back up, as if we didn’t spend any time away from each other, although swapping stories, is always a bundle of laughs.

Plus I went shopping today and got myself some wool to start knitting my friends scarf and also some things to punk up my outfit for the party, which although I didn’t quite find what I was looking for, I did find some great stuff, so all well that ends well and all that jazz.

Although I was really hoping for some snow this week, it looks like the small spattering of hail and sleet are all we’re going to get around her, oh and also, of course, the rain!

Do I look FABULOUS or Should I lose another screw?

So I’ve finally worked out what I’m going to wear to my friends decades party. After a long shopping session in the rain today – which didn’t really get me anywhere, a part from a few warm and well needed jumpers and a fabulous red dress. I resorted to spanning through pictures of 80’s clothing on the internet and worked out an outfit. Although I also draw some inspiration from Gok, who I love. I’ve decided to stick with the idea of punk/rock, but the outfit that I’ve put together is more casual every man wear, so I’m going to punk it out, with from fake leather, big belts, studs, pearls and washers, nuts and bolts. I’m hoping that once I’m done it will look fabulous, because I’ve only got a few days to put it together and I’m going to get the washer etc on the day of, so I’ve got to basically put the finally outfit together on the day of, so if it goes wrong I don’t think I’ll have time to redo it. I’m also thinking about buying/making a violently bright clutch bag and splashing it with nail varnish. Where did this idea come from I hear you ask, well I’ve been watching the Carrie Diaries and she does that to her bag, so I’m copying her idea basically, as I was just going to use paint, but I think nail vanish mine work better, and I have a bunch that I never wear, so… I’ve also got to get the accessories sorted, but I think I can do that tomorrow.

Everything seems to just be coming together, somehow! Although I’m a little anxious about the make-up, as a part from a touch of bright red lip stick or a dab of black eye liner, I don’t wear that much make-up and I don’t want to end up looking like a clown, although hopefully my friends won’t let me leave the house if I look that bad. I’m really get quite excited for this weekend now, as I can’t wait to see every ones outfits and scoff at how much better mine is – only kidding!

I’ve also been doing some knitting today, as I now have a knitting machine sitting in my living room, so I thought why not? Well that was soon answered, because it’s frustrating and hard, if you drop a stick it is almost impossible to pick it back up again, at the end I almost ran out of wool, so I had to tie the end, because there wasn’t enough wool to cast off. I was trying to knit a scarf and it would have been alright, if I had had more wool, but I’m going shopping for some more tomorrow, so that will all be sorted. Although I think I might hand knit it instead, because the machine is just too much drama and I want this scarf to be as close to perfect as it can be, as it’s a present and it wouldn’t be nice to receive a scarf full of hole and weird bits of wool hanging out, as it would be receive one that just looked like a scarf and not a deformed blob.

I saw this outfit as I was trawling through images on Google and just fell in love with it, but as it’s in a foreign language I can’t read the writing that goes with it, but that doesn’t stop me from liking the outfit and praising whoever created it – my hat off to you.

 

Silver to lead in a matter of dead

So the war – between my friends – still rages and as I get to know more and more about it, I find myself moving out of Switzerland and onto one side, although I still don’t think I have all the facts, but considering the what’s going on right now I have a feeling that I don’t want to hear the story from the side I have yet to hear it from, because it seems like they’re manipulating the facts to suit them and leaving big gaping holes, as least that’s what I got from an mostly unbiased party.

If you know you can’t take the heat don’t go into the kitchen, even if you do like the smells that are coming out of it.

Somehow I feel like I’m floating back in time, but also it’s different, because the players have changed and the ones that are the same aren’t on the same sides as they were before. Same old story, just different characters.

But moving on.

So today was… well… it was meant to snow today, but you could tell almost as soon as you had walked out the door that it wasn’t going to snow, it wasn’t cold enough. There was a little bit of sludge at one point, but that was about it, which was a little disappointing, but it might just get colder from here on out and maybe we’ll get some snow later on in the week, I’m hoping Wednesday night. I want it to be nice and thick and then clear up for the weekend, because my friends party is then, or at least the roads be nice and clear, not tragic or dangerous.

I was watching Step up 4 the other day and it has this song and great dance scene with it, but when I heard the song I just fell in love with it.

I’ve been getting into more slow songs lately, maybe it’s the change it season or weather, but whatever it is, I’m not complaining! I also love the outfits in this scene. The dress that the lead wear is gorgeous, but I also like what the male dancers are wearing as well.

Unknown contradictions of air

Life is hard. We fill it with things, people, ideas, art, love, drugs, sex, whatever just to pretend that it is something beautiful, something magical. But it’s not. Life sucks and we all understand that, but what other option do we have but to life? We all struggle through life the best way we know how, some of us learn to manipulate others to make our lives better, others find ways to see joy in helpfulness, but whatever it is, we’re just joking with ourselves. An ounce of relief until the drama starts again. But then we all wonder, maybe hope that at the end of this shit storm there a pot of gold, because we spent forever chasing that rainbow and finally the end is in sight, but we have no idea if that pot of gold, is a fairy story or not, it’s the last inch of hope that we have left. The last step of humanity.

Alright so today I’m feeling particularly suicidal, not really for any particular reason, I mean nothing truly horrible has happen today. So maybe it’s the absense of horrible that is making me feel this way, but whatever it is I am. I was trying to work out an outfit for my friends decades party, but I’m still not sure. I’ve been thinking of going as the 80’s, but mixing punk with pearls – if you get what I mean? – because I’m still not sure what trend out of the 80’s would look good on me and I want to look good, at least think I look good. Because if you think you’re pretty than you become pretty.

You know what they say about people who have gone through great sadness are always more beautiful afterwards, I wish I could say that about myself, I think I’m a lot less beautiful now than I was maybe 10 or so years ago and those were the days I wish had never ended. Maybe at the time they weren’t special, but now they’re the memories I can never let myself forget, no matter what happens, they remind me that sometimes life a bitch, but there can always be a silver lining found, contrary to my opening statement.

But sometimes I do feel like I’ve spent so much time worrying about what not and to say that I end up not knowing which ones which and hurting people, or myself. There are some things that just shouldn’t be said, but there are others that can be. Like you can tell someone when they’re just being a stupid bitch, but you probably shouldn’t say ‘you’re being a stupid bitch’ unless you want to hurt them and in this case that wouldn’t be what I was going for, but then spending the time thinking about what to say is so tiring, so I end up saying nothing and getting more and more annoyed at them, until I vomit out something else that maybe unrelated, but in the same genre and completely worse and so hurting them more than if I had just said the first thing that came to mind. And until I do end up vomiting I feel like I’m suffocating and it seems that I get more ‘panic attacks‘ as I call them, although I don’t quite think that’s what they are, just something similar, although they did make a panic when they first started, now I’m getting surprisingly used to them.

Life’s a game, but it’s not fair. I break the rules, so I don’t care – Unknow

Unwanted bliss…

Life’s a bitch in high heels.

Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning. At first everything’s blissful.

The water blocks out the noise of the rest of the world, everything is a tranquil murmur, then my brain begins to react to the lack of oxygen and that blistering pain sets in. That last bubble of CO2 explodes from my lips and I sink to the bottom, the darkness creeps over the covers me, so that no one will find me and in that moment I let go and think that this is finally the end. But then I’m rising and the light appears I take a sharp breath of clear air, before being dragged back under. I suppose it’s less like drowning and more like being water boarded – although obviously not actually water boarding. and

On the bus in the eye of the storm

Sometimes I feel like fate is sitting on my shoulder whispering encouragement in my ear, just so it can smash me back down again. Recently things have been going, well not the best but a hell of a lot better, even the several medical things seem to be less of a problem. And I was starting to think, oh maybe that things would be all great. Well at least that the sky would stay blue, but in spite of this optimism the sky turned grey and the storm began. Now at the moment I feel slightly like I’m sitting in the eye of the storm, watching the world get torn apart and just sitting waiting for it to be my turn.

(My life is like the end of the Italian Job, the original/ good version) – haven’t seen it, go watch it right NOW!

Any ways so today wasn’t the best of days as you might be able to tell from my paragraph of metaphors and tomorrow isn’t looking to be a bundle of joy either. I just sort of feel like I’m going back in time and things are all getting bad again and to be honest most people are being kind of selfish, so I’m being selfish. I know that’s not really the way to handle things, but at the moment I just can’t be bothered to be bothered. Maybe that’s harsh and maybe I should be there more for people, but I don’t want to go back to being ‘trying to be there for everyone and ending up feeling like a have no one at all in the world’. They were dark times for me and I’m happy to have shaken them off – mainly – so I hope you get why I wouldn’t want to go back, so the sake of saving someone from themselves or perhaps each other, when they could actually work it out without me. Not that I’m saying that I don’t care at all and if someone asks I will decline and I don’t want to be excluded so much that at the end of it, I’m just sitting on the outside looking in the rain spattered window – if you get what I’m saying – I just don’t want to take too much of an active role in the whole thing, just to have it blow up in my face, that’s all and as I said it maybe really selfish, but I’ve got time to repent of such things, but you grow older by the second, we’re not young forever, now are we.

Speaking of forever, I’m still trying to devise a plan that will enable me to live forever and I think I’ve cracked the surface of it. I’m not saying that there is complete certainty, but I think I’m on the right track, or I’m staring at the right track, trying to work out if it’s the right track. But that’s not the point the point is that I’m going to live forever and ever and ever and never – hopefully – die. Although I will grow old and probably get some nasty disease and spend a large amount of time thinking about my youth, just as I’m sure, many other older people, like I will be, do. Not that I’m saying that’s all elderly people do. I mean a lot of them are just as active as we youngster, maybe actually even more, than a lot of youngsters. I mean my Grandma used to do a lot more exercise than me, but at the moment she can’t because of her knee, being all banged up. But we’re all hoping she get’s better soon.

I just heard this song yesterday and I haven’t heard it in a while, so yeah… here it is. Plus it’s sort of lightens the whole post up a bit – doesn’t it?

Secret option number C…

Alright guys, I have a ground breaking idea; why don’t we just stop being unhappy and start being happy?

Sometimes there’s this little part of me that just wants to slap people.

But any ways today was a normal day in the span of days that pass by almost unnoticed, by those of us that aren’t constantly fighting to stay alive – moment of silence to thank whatever god/goddess/gods/goddesses, you believe in (no judgement right now). Speaking of a moment of silence it is Remembrance day today. Now I’m not that big on remembrance day, well not as big as some people. I have the moment of silence and I respect the ideals it is up holding, but I think it was just the way I was raised and also I sort of feel slightly bad making a big deal out of it and then also nearly equals as bad for not making a big deal out of it – I’m conflicted.

Any ways so today I went in late, or rather later. And when I met up with my friends something had happened. Now I’m a little shaky on the details, but from what I can get from people, it seems that they were having a little discussion and they decided that because they didn’t know him well enough, they were going to exclude my friends boyfriend from secret Santa, as they didn’t think they could get him a nice gift. But this apparently made her storm off in a big upset. I’m not too sure as to who actually said what and what not, but the group is in agreement and it wasn’t just her boyfriend that was excluded some of people were as well, because they weren’t around and all that jazz, although on a side note I wasn’t around as well and now I have no idea what to get the person I got, so I’m a little stumped, because I want to get them something they will like, but I have not idea what! Any ways, so my friend is now mad at everyone, even me, who I must say had no part in any of this and well I’m a little pissed about that and some other stuff, but hey-ho, maybe she was having a bad day or something, you just can’t tell. Well I hope that everything gets worked out, soon. Because I really don’t want a stupid argument to start because of this.

Also my friend is now having a Dr Who party thing, on the same night that my friend is having her decades party. I think it was meant to be because some of my friends don’t like her that much – old stuff – and she invited them, I think she was trying to be nice and mend bridges sort of thing, but they didn’t seem to want to go, well one of them did. She seemed damn excited about it, but the others didn’t and well since I’m still friends with her I’m going to go, but I feel bad about not going to the Dr Who party, although I did say I would go to the decades party first, so I feel obligated to go to that one, way more than the other. Although I might have to find another way home and also it kind of feels like the old not ultimatums ultimatums that used to happen and I used to pick secret options number C. But then this time I guess I’m taking option number A and letting the chips fall where they may, sort of thing. I’m tired of the mind games and all that not so jazzy jazz – not that I’m saying that my friends play mind games, more like that people do, in general. Although I’m most certain that some of them have no idea that that’s what they’re doing, because it’s basically second nature – get what I’m trying to say?

So on wards. My brother has been off at the army base for a week or so now and he’s starting ringing the last couple of nights, which was nice to hear from him, but apparently, he’s not allowed to walk around the place without an escort and for the first 4 weeks he’s not allowed into the wreck-room, so he’s missing this TV show we used to watch together, Agents of shield – I’m sure someone has heard of it, but yeah I tend to watch some of that genre. But it seems that he’s having a hard time, as apparently he has to walk around in these huge, heavy military boots, which make your feet stink, so yeah, I’ll leave that to the imagination, but it seems like he’s making friends – the only place in the world were someone like him would make friends instantly 😉 (felt like the smiley face was needed, although I don’t usually use them).

So I’m planning to go to the sea side, or a rural village and I was talking to my friends about it and one of them was talking about it as if I had gone insane or something. It’s not that weird to want to go to the seaside in November is it? – in England! But I want to take picture and all that jazz. Since I want to get more use out of my camera and that sort of thing, since the film for my polaroid runs out at the end of the year and I’m not sure what will happen when it does expire, because I know that some of the older brands can give you interesting effects when their expired, but this is the new stuff, so I have no idea what’s going to happen and I would like to be able to get my moneys worth for it. But I don’t want to waste it, so I’m trying to find I really nice place, that is scenic, but not going to be calling with people and also not be a ghost town, which is harder than you might think, or easier – despite popular belief I cannot read minds over the internet.

So I’ve sort of taken a step back from Beethoven, although that doesn’t stop his music from filling my mind and stopping me from concentrating, but it seems that I’m just not a good enough pianist to be able to play him right. So I’ve taken my hat off and dropped my sword in the conceding on my inadequacies, but I can still play the first half, slightly! But then I keep finding all these songs that I would love to be able to play and I think maybe I should take back up one of my fallen instruments and see if I can rekindle my fire for one of them, but then I’ve always wanted to learn to play the violin, but it’s one of those ones that doesn’t sound good when you don’t know what you doing, I mean really sounds horrible at time, when with others, it can just sound… off and not completely ear bleeding.

I love both these guys. Lindsey Stirling is really amazing and so are the Pentatonix(s) ENJOY!

It would be wild if I could play this on the piano, or the violin like Lindsey Stirling.

All on the Black and Whites

So today.

Alright so you know when it rains, but it’s only really spitting, however somehow you still get soaked to the bone in a matter of minutes? Well that was the weather today. I’m not the biggest fan of rain, mainly due to the fact that I straighten my hair and when it gets wet it smells horrible and goes frizzy, but I only straighten it these days, because I used to have cornrows and now that I don’t my hair is lopsided, because one side it straighter than the other. I’m thinking about getting cornrows in the other side to try and even it out, but I keep putting it off, hoping that my hair will sort its self out by itself – but it doesn’t.

Any ways so today my friend decided that it would be fun to play D&D. Well it was his version of D&D, which was a lot shorter than the real version and I think easier, but also harder at the same time. But we were using a dice on his phone to play and also a note pad on his phone, but in the end I think we’re going to start again or something like that. Any ways we had a good laugh over it, so all well that ends well.

I’ve been trying to think of things that I do today. As I have to write my personal statement. But the thing is I don’t think I’m all that good when it comes to writing about myself in a positive light like that. I mean now that I’ve made the list of things, I think I might be able to do it, but I’m not sure. I feel like I don’t do enough, but it’s a bit late to start doing more now, because I have to finish it by next week and I think it wouldn’t look too good, if I just put that I’m going to start doing all these things.

But at the moment I’m learning to play Fur Elise – on the piano. So far I’ve got the first part of the right hand down and the majority of the left hand to go with it, but the next part look quite difficult and since I’m not exactly good at playing and I’ve been learning it by ear and by watching my father try and play it, I don’t think I’m going to be able to finish it – Since I don’t read music and all that jazz. But I want to at least get the first bit perfect and I’m also thinking of learning to play Merry-go-round of life and Still Doll, also la Valse d’Amelie. Because well I think that they sound beautiful – it’s quite simple really. I hope that I can do them justice, with my rather low level skill of playing, but I’m a quick learner – I think.