The short spurt….

So tonight I’m not going to do a proper long post, because I’m writing this in between straightening my hair and deciding what to wear.

I’m off to my friends birthday party, which looks like it’s going to be a big piss up, so hopefully a lot of fun!

So I think that I still have a piece of stick stuck in my foot, as it has been killing me all day, although it could just be infected – I’m hoping it has something in it.

I also started on my stamp master piece. I got all these stamps and sorted them so I had one of each, then the felt overs I’m making into a sort of collarge, on this canvas I’ve had for ages, that I didn’t know what to do with, so now it has a purpose in live – yay!

The unlucky stick hitting match…

Did I accidentally get hit with the unlucky stick or something, because today just seems to be one long stream of bad things.

I started the day was a killer migraine, that just made me want to pull the covers over my head and never come back out, so I missed by bus, as I got up 5 minuets before I was meant to leave the house – oops. Then I was on my way to catch the next one and as I place my foot down on the slightly muddy earth of the track I was walking ‘crack’ and then pain. I lift up my foot to see a stick sticking out of it. Not a thorn or something like that, I managed to get a whole stick stuck in my foot. I then hopped back to the style I had just climbed over and sitting atop it, I began to wrench the stick out of my foot again. By the time I had gotten it out, my bus had been and gone again, so I hobbled home and to cheer myself up I made an apple crumble, which then proceeded to burn, although the middle was alright. I then walked to get the next bus, after finishing a couple of chapters of my new book – that I’m reading – I stood in the cold and rain for about 15 minuets waiting for it, but it never came, my foot throbbing and soaked to the skin, I headed back home, with the resolve that I was not going to leave the house for the rest of the day – what there was left of it.

And so my dad and his girlfriend came round this evening. She’s really nice and good at homey things, which is always a plus in my books. Although I was in a vicious battle on Zelda, when they arrived, so I didn’t really give her a proper hello, as I couldn’t really take my eyes off the screen without dying and I hadn’t saved – gamers will probably get where I’m coming from. But we had a nice dinner and ate the bits of the crumble that weren’t charcoal and played on the wii, so in the end the day got better, although I think it was the world or nature that was against me today.

I also put the finishing touches on my present for my friends birthday tomorrow, although it didn’t come out as well as I would have hoped, but it still looks pretty damn good if I do say so myself, as I did have limited resources – I couldn’t find the glitter.

I’ve been trying out my new hair dye this evening, as you have to allergy test and what not, so I won’t really be able to dye it until Sunday or maybe Monday, depending on how I’m feeling. Even though I’ve used this hair dye every other time I’ve dyed my hair, so I don’t see why I would react now, but better safe than sorry and all that jazz.

Yesterdays news

Alright so yesterday I went down to Cardiff, as my friend wanted to go somewhere shopping and so we decided that Cardiff was the place to go. So off to Cardiff we went.

She was looking for some onesies  for our friends birthdays. She was trying to find a monkey one and a rabbit one, but in the end she didn’t find the bunny one and only got the monkey one. I did a little shopping myself and got myself this cute new skirt and shorts, as well as a new top that said ‘Anarchy, rock n roll’, which all these block colours behind it. Along with some new pyjamas, as I’ve been needing some new ones for a while, especially long trouser ones, as the ones I have at the moment are all shorts and as it’s getting cold there not really the best thing to the wearing.

It was also a little weird, when we went into Primark, to look for a coat for my friend. We spent about 5 minuets looking for the mirrors in the men’s section, they hide the mirror behind a strange wall thing, at one corner of the level – there were 4 levels to the Primark. I also got myself some new converses. As the ones I have right now are slowly falling apart, although I didn’t expect them to last all that long. But I like to get white ones and paint them, so that I can be really creative with them, but it most of the time I can’t think of what to put on them and end up just putting something kind of basic on there instead.

We ended up staying until dinner, so we were all going to get sushi, but one of my friend that came was vegetarian and we weren’t sure if they had a vegetarian options, so we ended up at Spudulike, which we all agreed was the best choice, as the spuds were delicious and we had fun trying to pile all our drink cups on top of each other.

So onto today: It was a pretty basic day, although I had to go to the dentist – ergh – I really don’t like the dentist, because they ALWAYS find something they want to work on. And I’ve been trying really hard to keep my teeth nice this past year, so that just annoys me even more – but what can you do?

But at the end of the day I headed over to my friends place, with a couple other friends, to watch some chicks hatch. They were so cute and although wet from being inside the egg, they dried off really quick in the incubator and were all fluffy in no time. Although while using this weird torch thing to see if there was a chick growing in the egg, my friend accidentally dropped one egg and the top cracked, so we had to throw it into the field next door, as it would have become infected and then would have infected the rest of the eggs and they all would have died. But my friend was telling me that those chicks were a rare colour and that they were probably the only chick of that colouring of that breed in the country, so they were pretty rare and expensive chicks and I got to hold one. It was cheeping away, as the incubator was really warm and I think my hands were a little cold for it, so I had to pop it back into the incubator quite quickly, but it was watching us through the glass, as we watched it’s brother/sister hatch out. It was sort of weird, as when they first get out on the shell, their necks aren’t ‘hard’, so it was curling it’s neck at a weird angle and apparently if they don’t straighten their necks out themselves, then you have to straighten their necks out for them, which was kind of gross to hear about, but it was really fun going over.

Although my friend was half demanding alcohol to wash away the guilt of killing a chick – by accident – so in the end we shared a bottle, but he got a little drunk and was scream, when we got into the back on my friends van to go – since it had two seats, we all just climbed into the back and sat there, because he had taken the cage out so we could.

Pokes and needles

So it was to the hospital today. Oh the wonders of the hospital. Sick people, and people who cough at you. Charts and measurements and those oh so lovely awkward questions about bowel movement and don’t forget being asked to pee in the smallest containers possible – it’s alright for you buys, but can’t they make a more female friendly one or something?

But right now I’m trying to type this out with just my right hand – although I’m right handed so it’s ok. You see it seems that my veils are something of a hard thing to find. So every time I get my blood taken, it take them at least 2 tries to actually get any blood out, as they can’t find the veil and are just sticking it into my skin, today it took 2 needles and it still hurting now 3 hours later!

I also had to poked, until I started to feel sick and then go have a scan of my lungs. I mean that’s the only bit of going to the hospital today that was remotely alright, although wearing nothing but a hospital gown can be chilling… But I’ve made it through the whole thing and now I just have wait 10 days to find out the results, which I’m kind of hoping something is positive, something easily treatable, so I can just get this over the dealt with. Because I don’t really want to have to go back, I don’t really like hospitals and as nice as this one was, I’m still not lining up to return.

A lonely sideways glance

So today was just another day in a slowly lengthening sequence of days that pile up to make up my life. Sort of a morbid view I know but I’m feeling morbid right now and I also know that its my own will fullness that is causing me to feel down. I could very easily change my mood, but because I’m stubborn I don’t.

It’s funny how that happens, we’re the ones that get hurt, but we still stick to our guns to dig ourselves a grave, when we could very easily put down the shovel and walk away – like the metaphor?

So I sort of found out today that tomorrow I’m off to the hospital – oh the joy – I’m having more tests and what not, after they have now pushed this back about 2 times, including changing the time over and over again – what’s with that, when they give you a time they should stick to it, unless it’s something life threatening or something like that. But yeah I’m off to the hospital in another city at that, because the one here, apparently can’t take my blood any more, although they do it every time I come in, I think my blood could fill the blood banks, if they didn’t keep wasting it on fruitless tests – maybe that’s what they’re really doing with it!

Any ways so apart from the hospital blood business and this morbid feeling, today was pretty normal. I mean I did punch my friend in the jaw and it made this really weird popping noise. Every time I do something violent these days I get this weird sort of blast from the past feeling and then this sensation of painful memories washes over me, it only last the shortest amount of time, but its there. Although I did have reason to be punching him – although he moved into the punch weirdly enough – he was teasing me about sleeping with this guy that I don’t know.

Me and my friends also got given cocaine doughnuts and one of them owns me magic mushrooms – that’s a long story, but I intend to collect…

So at the moment I’m going over some of my older writing and trying to start them over again – it’s hard. You have to get back into the heads of your characters and the sort of head space you were in when you wrote it, so it can be a challenge, but I’m getting there. There is just this one or two or ten writings that I really want to finish as I think that the ideas that I came up with need to be out there, but I’ve been writing less and less these days – excluding blogging and all that jazz – so I’m starting to feel like I’ll never get to do them. I’m not really complaining that I now feel more obligated to my social life than my writing, but it does make me a little sad a times to think of all those unfinished ideas and fragments of my soul. But I’m working on it, as I right now I need motivation and inspiration – let’s hope a change of scenery can help me get what I need.

So my ten – maybe not so – loyal follows, that’s it for today apart from to say. Thank you all for following my blog, you make me feel special and I love you all!

Head up, wood flying.

So I biked over to one of my friends places today, as a couple of us were helping him with cleaning out his garage for next weekend when he’s having a party.

So me and another friend biked over there, it took a lot longer to get there than I remember and when we went up to the room, it was quite small, but he wants to try and fit 16 people up there, sleeping. Which I’m not sure if that is going to work or not, but we’ll find out next.

But it was a fun day, as we didn’t really do all that much cleaning, because him and his girlfriend had done most of it, as she had been there a little while longer than us.

But we did smash up with large wooden crate, as that was really fun and a great anger reliever. But when I was smashing these bits into smaller bits, they were flying everywhere and his girlfriend could hardly lift the hammer, as we did that bit, while she entertained their little brother and sister. Then I won a game of Monopoly, although it was a sort of weird new style of Monopoly, as in the rules were that the first one to 1 million wins, but in the end we just played until me and my friend had to go home, but I still had the most money at the end, so I still won, and I was the first to get to 1 million, so I kind of won on all levels.

Well wasn’t that interesting – meaning boring.

Out and about over the internet.

So I went down to Cambridge today.

No this wasn’t some shopping trip or going to see a family friend. I went down there to go to the University open day. I’m not all that sure what I actually want to study at university any more, but I know that I really should go, so I’ve sort of decided either Psychology or Creative writing – which is usually coupled with an English. So I spent 3 and a half hours going down there – I slept most of the way and then the same back, to listen to the heads of department talk about why their course is better than other universities and get ogled by some random people – it was super duper fun!

But honestly the courses seemed quite good although if I end up in Psychology I’m more likely to have a secure job out of it, while Creative writing is a little less definite. So I’m going to try and get into a Psychology course first and then Writing as a back up sort of thing. I’m like that I like to cover my bases when it comes to stuff like this. I’ve got a couple more open days to go to and if they’re as good as this one, I think my decision might be defined by location location location and all that jazz… Since if I do end up on a creative writing course, I want to go somewhere that can inspire me and I’m thinking that will be somewhere that is more countryside, than city, but you never know right?

So I spent those 7 hours travels sorting out these stamps I got a little while ago. I thought it would be fun to start a stamp collection, but I just got these two bags of them and their was a lot of the same ones in there, so I was sorting them out so that I only have one of each the others I’m going to turn into a sort of collage thing, with this canvas I’ve been wondering what to do with for ages and it has been gathering dust, so now I have something to put on it – fun fun fun!

Image

I’m in a sort of weird relationship right now, if that is what you can call it. So I met this guy on a chat site and we got to talking and then sort of swapped information and now we’ve been corresponding for a little while, but it’s sort of weird, but sweet at the same time. Since we’ve only known each other for about 2 or so days, but we flirt and stuff, which is nice, but now its sort of escalating to a point that I didn’t anticipate from this guy, at least not this fast any ways. I’ve been in a relationship that centred around the internet connect before, but it really didn’t last that long and he didn’t have that much of my information, – and it was quite a long time ago – so it was easy to break it off with him, but I have a feeling this guy will be harder, which is sort of getting me worried and all that jazz, although I’m trying to enjoy the moment and all that jazz. As at the moment I’m trying not to think about the future too much and just try and take things as they come and all that assorted jazz… Sometimes it can be nice to indulge a little, but for some of the time it can be a bad idea to do so, so confliction!- I have no idea why I just did that, so don’t ask okay?

For those of you that don’t know today was Ride to the Wall – if you don’t know what that is, look it up, learn something new today.

Something old, new, borrowed and purple/blue…

Something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue.

No I’m not getting married and neither are any of my friends to my knowledge, but that’s what going on around me.

Something old: I met someone old, alright that sounds a little lame, but person is really sweet and nice and he makes me laugh without even trying, so yeah. Something old, or rather older.

Something new: Alright so I did something new today, I cyber stalked someone. I know that quite a few people will do this, but I’ve never actually do it myself, so there’s my something new.

Something borrowed: Well you could say that today was a borrow space in it, but then that might be a bit philosophical, so let’s say my something borrowed, is the hair band I borrowed the other day.

Something blue: Alright so something blue, could be my finger nails, as they are looking sort of blue/purple right now.

So there you go, Something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue.

Today, what I’m just so original

Today, well today was different and I’m not saying that I don’t like different, but sometimes it can send you a little out of whack. The weather was alright so that was good, but I had intended to go about today in a much more efficient manner than I did.

There’s no denying that when I woke up this morning at 6 am and turned off my alarm, there was a small part of me that was pushing to get up, but that was only a small part, so I rolled over and went back to sleep, oh sleep what a wonderful thing is can be.

The simplest of things can sometimes make the biggest of differences.

The turning on of a light for example.

There’s nothing unimaginably difficult about it, but some people seem to find it the hardest of things to do.

This being shown by my friend today. True be told this isn’t the first time I’ve walking today there place and wondered if they were home, because all the lights were out, but most of the time they will have the light on in the room they are in, but not today.

They never really give me a straight answer about why they don’t turn they lights on, but from the mumbles and all the jazz, that they give me I think it has something to do with saving something, I’m just spit balling here, but I’m going to say that it has something to do with saving money.

That seems to be a logically reason to try and read in the dark, right?

They could also just open the curtains of their windows, but they seem to be incapable of doing that as well, so maybe they just have a thing against sitting in a well light room.

Truthfully over the last few days I’ve been having these sort of panic attacks.

Through I’m not sure if they’re really panic attacks, from what I know of panic attacks I could say they are similar and since I don’t have anything else to describe them, they will be known as panic attacks.

Through I’m not completely sure why, I know that with panic attacks there is usually a trigger, like a situation or word or phrase or some thing, but with me it just happens, although luckily not that often and I’m notices more at night than during the day, although sometimes when I’m about to walk up stairs.

Through apart from when I’m walking up stairs or looking at my window I haven’t noticed there being anything that set them off, I mean the windows and stairs aren’t really something to panic about and it’s not like a fell down the stairs and I’ve got suppressed memory of that so that’s coming up or anything, so it’s a little baffling for me.

Through it could be a side effect of withdrawal symptom or something, there’s always that possibility with me, since I’m off all the drugs at the moment, because I run out, although I’m looking to get some more soon.